Troubled Times
by Silverstar03
Summary: Phoebe leaves home for New York, but what she finds there could ruin her life. Can her sisters help her let go of the past and preserve her future? Please review! FINAL CHAPTER UP!
1. The Beginning of the End

Troubled Times Part 1 By: Silverstar  
  
Hello again! *waves* I'm back again with a new story. This one centers around Phoebe: the hardships she went through while in New York and the struggles afterward. In this fic the Halliwells aren't witches, just regular sisters. Also, I have Phoebe getting involved with drugs, and since I don't know much about the subject myself, please bear with me. I might have a lot of it wrong, but please accept what I write. It's just for this story, ok? Now that the brief intro is done, I want to take this time to again thank everyone who read and reviewed my previous fics: Guardian fro Above and Lost Soul. This fic was written because of the confidence obtained through those reviewers and readers. ^__^  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed...*sad face*  
  
WARNING: I've never really written a fic like this before, and it's very angsty. You have been warned.  
  
**********  
  
The lights were blaring, the music was loud, the guys were hot...I was in heaven. Sauntering into the bar in a tight leather mini skirt and a loose red tube top, I quickly took in my surroundings and sighed. I was in a New York club and I felt right at home. I started thinking of all the excitement and action ahead of me...not to mention the love and passion I might find. Why not? I was popular back in San Francisco. The guys here had to be interested too. Giving a cutie with a tattoo of a dragon on his shoulder a smile, I walked over to the bar and sat down.  
  
"What can I get you?" I looked over to see the bar tender standing across the bar from me.  
  
"I'll have a beer," I said and proceeded to pay as the man got me my drink. Only seconds after I received my beer and started drinking a hottie across the bar caught my eye. He was staring over at me with a grin on his face and I gave him a flirting smile back. Before I knew it he had made his way across the room and was sitting next to me. I found myself face to face with one of the hunkiest guys I had ever seen. As I stared up at his dark black hair, a little long around the face, sharp green eyes, and heart- melting smile, my voice caught in my throat.  
  
"Hey," he said, tilting his beer up and taking a drink. I followed suit and after I set my beer back down my voice had returned.  
  
"Hey," I replied while crossing my legs and giving him a smile.  
  
"I'm James." I giggled at the serious tone of his name and he just looked at me with confusion. "What's so funny?" he asked and I just shook my head.  
  
"I just didn't expect you to have such a serious name," I replied. "I mean, you're name's James, but you don't use a nickname like Jim or something of that sort?" He just smiled and nodded.  
  
"I get that a lot, but I like the sound of my name. I think it makes me sound more distinguished and important." I nodded back with a smile, but inside my heart skipped a beat. This guy was a dream! And I had found him within the 1st week of moving to New York.  
  
"Oh, sorry," I said after a few seconds. "I'm Phoebe."  
  
"Phoebe..." I waited as James got a peculiar look on his face and then smiled. "I like it." I practically melted right then and there. After taking another drink of my beer I felt James' hand on mine. "Let's dance." It was more of a command then a question, but I didn't care. I let myself be dragged off to the dance floor and drank in James' sent as he pulled my body close to his. We danced, and danced, and danced...I'm not sure how long we were there, touching, hugging, swinging, but after what seemed like both eternity and seconds, we were back at the bar finishing up our drinks. I starred up at this man that I had only known for a few hours and knew that he'd change my life forever. We sat for a while, me in his lap, partly from being drunk and partly from the excitement. I'd never get away with this back at home...I was finally free. The next thing I knew it was 1:00 and I regretfully excused myself.  
  
"I'm so sorry James, but I have to go. I need to get up early tomorrow...or today...to go to work." I jumped up off his lap and he stood up with me.  
  
"Let me walk you home," he said and I just smiled.  
  
"That's okay," I said and pulled out a piece of paper from my purse. "Here's my number and the address of where I work." He took the paper and gave me a look.  
  
"You're a waitress?" I saw him lift his left eyebrow as he said this and I laughed.  
  
"I know, I know," I replied and put my pen back into my purse. "I just moved here a little over a week ago and needed the money. I plan on changing jobs in a while." He just nodded and before I knew it his hands were on my hips and our lips were intertwined. When we pulled away he looked down at me with interest and I looked back up at him in the same way. We were both looking for something different, something dangerous, and something wild. We had found it in each other. As I walked out to my cab I couldn't help but look back at James, standing in the doorway of the club to watch me go. Feeling confident, I winked over in his direction and he returned the gesture. In seconds I was in a cab and on my way over to my apartment. I shared it with Cassie, a girl a few years older than me. I had known her from high school and we had agreed on sharing an apartment in New York once I had gotten out of San Francisco. Fortunately, she was hardly ever home so I had the place mostly to myself. Cassie was always over one of her boyfriends' apartments and warned me of her un-routine living habits. I was all for it. What was the point of living in New York if you didn't have a little fun?  
  
"Here ya are lady," the driver said from the front seat and I gave him a twenty.  
  
"Keep the change mister, I'm in a good mood," I said as I got out of the car.  
  
"Thanks lady," he said, and with that he was gone and I was going upstairs to my apartment. As I rummaged through my purse for my keys and fumbled into the apartment I had the impulse to tell someone about the amazing guy I had just met. Unfortunately, Cassie wasn't home and I hadn't made any other friends yet except for a few girls at work. After getting undressed I went to jump into bed only to find Cassie's cat Katri sitting on my pillow.  
  
"Hello Katri," I said in a drunken whisper and picked her up as I got into bed and set my alarm for six. She just purred as I pet her head and settled down next to me. She got neglected with Cassie always gone and enjoyed my company. "I met the most amazing man tonight Katri," I told her as my eyelids slowly closed. "His name is James..."  
***  
  
BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Uhhhh...Opening my eyes, I struggled to reach over and turn the alarm off. I was tired and I had a headache, but the memories of last night helped to wake me up enough to get out of bed and take a shower. As I got ready for work I couldn't help but feel a tingle of excitement run all the way down my spine. What if he called today? What if I saw him? By seven o'clock I was ready. After feeding the cat I grabbed my purse, a thermos of coffee, and I was on my way. As I walked out of my building and down the street the sun seemed brighter than it had all of my life. The people on the streets seemed nicer, the birds seemed like they were chirping louder, and the honks of the city cars seemed less frequent. Fifteen minutes later I came to the café where I had gotten a job and went in the back door. Things seemed busy, but I didn't care. I took off my coat to reveal black pants and a white collared shirt, my uniform. After putting my jacket and purse into my assigned locker I put my nametag on and checked in with the manager.  
  
"Hey Marie," I said with a smile as I walked up to a round middle- aged lady with short brown hair that held wisps of gray.  
  
"Hey Phoebe, cheerful this morning, aren't we?" I smiled at her mischievously before taking my assignment from her for the day. Monday through Friday I worked from seven fifteen till eleven and from twelve to three. Today I was working the back left corner of the café. With a look at the paper and a grin at Marie, I set off to my first customers with a smile.  
  
Around four hours later Marie set me free, along with two other girls around my age working there. Jessica and Dana were there names. Jessica was tall with blond curly hair and wore a different shade of mascara every day. Dana was average height with long brown hair that she wore in tiny braids (Jamaica-ish). She was kind of quiet and cautious, but that girl had attitude. You didn't want her mad at you. As soon as Marie gave us the okay we stashed the name pins, grabbed our jackets, and headed out for lunch. On our way down the street Jessica jabbered to me about the new make-up she bought yesterday and Dana told us about her roommate's antics with her new boyfriend. By the time we got to the usual diner where we ate lunch every day they were both looking at me.  
  
"Soooo..." Jessica said in my direction as we sat down in a booth. I just smiled at them secretly and then burst out laughing at their pain- stricken faces. They were dying to know what had happened last night.  
  
"Well, I told you guys yesterday that I was going out last night..." I started and they both nodded.  
  
"And you haven't stopped smiling all morning," Dana cut in. "So give us the details!" After we put in our orders with the waitress I proceeded to tell my friends the tale.  
  
"Well, I went to that club you suggested yesterday Jess, and I have to tell you that you were right. There were hot guys everywhere!" She gave me a 'I hear ya' look and I continued. "I wasn't even there ten minutes when some gorgeous guy starts hitting on me! We danced almost all night, talked, and before I left...we kissed." My friends looked at me with excitement and I smiled back at them. I just couldn't stop smiling, I was so happy.  
  
"What was his name?" Jessica asked and as the waitress set our food down I told them.  
  
"His name was James," I said and all of us giggled. "I know, I had the same reaction to it, but he thought it made him sound distinguished and important." Both of them nodded. "Anyway, I gave him the address of the café and my phone number.  
  
"Wow, I'm so happy for you Phoebe," Dana said with excitement and we continued to gossip about guys for the next half-hour. Before I knew it the time was five till and we were on our way back to the café. Around three fifteen I was finishing up with my last customers of the day. Dana had gone and Jessica was working till five. While I was in the back getting my stuff I heard Jessica call my name.  
  
"Phoebe!" I turned around to see her rushing towards me with a goofy smile on her face.  
  
"What is it?" I asked.  
  
"I'm so glad I caught you," she said as she grabbed my arm and started dragging me into a corner. "There's a guy out there looking for you. He said his name was James!" My eyes widened at this news and Jessica just smiled.  
  
"Th-thanks," I said, and in a minute Jessica had shoved me towards the kitchen door.  
  
"See you Monday Phoebe!" I heard her call out as I emerged from the back I looked over to see James leaning against the front counter. When his eyes caught sight of me his smile widened and I rushed over to him.  
  
"Hey," he said with a twinkle in his eyes.  
  
"Hey," I said back, and in a moment my hand was in his and we were out of there, walking down the streets of New York. I had never felt anything like this in my life. We hadn't even known each other for a day...but I felt connected to James...I was drawn to him and I couldn't stop myself...I didn't want to. I soon found myself at a little restaurant not far from my house. I had been wanting to try it out, but hadn't wanted to go in alone. Smiling to myself, I let James lead me to a small booth in the back and we sat down. The day wore on, but we stayed. We stayed and we talked...We talked about life...our pasts, our hopes for the future, the flaws of life, and the joys. I couldn't help but get caught up in his eyes as he told me about his dead parents and how he grew up with his Uncle and Aunt. James had moved to New York to gain independence and to learn more about himself. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do in life yet, but was working in a mechanic shop at the moment. He even had a motorcycle! I told him about my father leaving, the death of my mother, and then my grandmother. Every feeling about my sisters was revealed as I shared how I had always felt left out and how I wasn't liked much by Prue, my eldest sister. I drank in his understanding, and he mine. At the end of the evening I was convinced we were made for each other...soul mates.  
  
"Phoebe..." I looked up at James and smiled at his smile. It was so contagious. "I know we've only known each other for a day...but I can feel the chemistry between us. Can't you?" I nodded and he went on. "I want to keep seeing you...you're...you're different, and I like that."  
  
"I want to keep seeing you too," I answered. In a moment we had both leaned forward and our lips were interlocked. It wasn't till nine that we left the restaurant and headed towards James' apartment. Coincidently, it was only a few blocks from mine. As we got closer and closer I could feel myself shake with excitement. This guy was wild, and I loved him for it.  
  
"Phoebe..." We were in his apartment and James was grinning down at me. I smiled up at him mischievously and then headed for the bedroom. He followed right behind me. That was the mot wonderful night of my life. Being with James...it was like nothing I had ever felt before. In the morning I woke in his embrace and it felt...right. I giggled as his fingers brushed softly over my stomach and turned to see him starring at me. "You are so beautiful," he whispered, and I believed him with every fiber of my being.  
  
"What do you want to do today?" I asked, brushing my fingertips across his cheek. After a few minutes of silence he finally answered.  
  
"Anything...as long as it's with you," he whispered in my ear and I melted again right then and there.  
***  
Two Weeks Later...  
  
"Hey Katri," I called, and the cat jumped up onto my bed with me. "Hey, you've missed me, haven't you?" I cooed as she purred and I scratched her behind the ears. "I know, but...I've had the most amazing week of my life." I smiled down at the cat as she chased my finger back and forth across the bed and then rolled over for me to rub her stomach. "James is the best thing that ever happened to me. I know I haven't been home much...but when I'm with him I feel...free. We went for a ride on his motorcycle the other day through Central Park. It was great...the wind whipping though my hair...It was a wonderful feeling." Katri purred in response and I smiled. "Oh, you're wondering why I'm here and not out with this guy on a Friday night, huh? Well, I am really tired from the week's events...plus James had to go meet some friends. He promised he'd take me to meet them tomorrow."  
  
"Meow." I moved my hand to scratch Katri behind her ears and she continued to purr.  
  
"Yes, I promise I'll tell you all about it, but I need to get some sleep!" With that, I got under my bed covers and let Katri crawl in with me. "Goodnight Kitty," I whispered before turning off the lights and sinking into sleep...and my dreams of him.  
  
The next morning I woke up around noon fully rested and ready for the night ahead of me. I was going to meet all of James' friends! After eating some leftover pizza for lunch/breakfast I jumped in the shower and proceeded to get ready. For the night, I chose some tight-skinned leather pants and a tight black shirt that tied around the neck. At around four I sat down to put make-up on and jumped in surprise when Cassie came through the door.  
  
"Hey Phoebe," she called out and went over to raid the refrigerator.  
  
"Hey," I said, and continued to put on the blue eye shadow that Jessica had lent me. A moment later Cassie was standing in front of me eating the rest of the pizza and giving me a quizzical look.  
  
"Where ya going?" she asked and I smiled.  
  
"A date," I replied and she grinned.  
  
"I should've known you'd waist no time. When'd you meet him?"  
  
"A few weeks ago at a club," I answered and sat back to talk with Cassie. I proceeded to tell her all about James and what was going on with us. At the end Cassie jumped up and engulfed me in a hug.  
  
"You've grown up so much," she faked-cried and I poked her in the stomach. "Hey!" I jumped up just in time to dodge her next leaping attack and sped around the apartment. I finally found refuge in holding Katri up.  
  
"Don't kill me or I'll never feed your cat again!" This got her attention and she pulled Katri out of my grasp. Smiling, I went to finish my make-up while Cassie played with her kitty. Around five there was a knock at the door and Cassie answered it.  
  
"Oh...Hi, you must be James," she said with a smile and I saw James look at her with confusion for a moment.  
  
"Oh, you must be Cassie, nice to meet you," he said and she nodded.  
  
"Are you going to invite him in?" I asked as I came into James' eyesight and saw his face relax at the sight of me.  
  
"Oh, of course, come in," Cassie said and she shut the door behind him. He immediately came over towards me, took my hands in his, and looked me over.  
  
"You look beautiful," he said and I leaned up to be rewarded with a kiss. I sighed as he slid his tongue into my mouth but forced myself to stop before getting carried away. When we separated I looked him up and down and smiled at what I saw. He had on black jeans and a black shirt that was unbuttoned halfway showing off his muscular chest. We really were a couple, dressed all in black and all.  
  
"We should go," I stated and smiled over at Cassie as James lead me out the apartment. I saw her wink at me before I got through the door.  
  
I held onto James' hand tightly as we walked down the street and into a little diner for a quick dinner. Once we were seated we quickly ordered and I could tell James was thinking hard.  
  
"Phoebe," he finally said and I smiled at his voice. "I'm glad I'm taking you to meet my friends. I think you'll like them." I nodded at his statement, and laughed inwardly at how profound he had made it sound. Still, I was excited to meet another part of his life that was foreign to me. James had already met Jessica, Dana, Cassie, and even my boss Marie. I hadn't met any of his friends yet. We quickly ate and after paying James took my hand and we walked down the street towards one of the numerous clubs. I loved the way he held my hand...It was firm and strong...like I was his and no one else's. I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't mind the fast pace in which he was leading me and I didn't care about the secluded area that the club was in...a little ally-way with a big guard standing out side.  
  
"Hey," James said, and the guard nodded, letting us both in. We walked into a small club with a bar, some tables, and a dance floor. There was smoke everywhere, from cigarettes and from a smoke machine, and lights were bouncing off the walls in every which way. The place looked dangerous...but I lived for danger and excitement. Besides, I was with James, and he wouldn't let anything happen to me.  
  
"Hey! Jimmy!" I looked up in surprise as a crowd of men started waving us over. I shot a questioning look at James, but he didn't notice and led me over to the group.  
  
"Hey man," James said while sitting down in a chair and pulling me to sit on top of him. Okay, so his friends called him Jimmy. Maybe he just wanted to have a special name with me. Clearing my head, I sat on my boyfriend's lap and leaned back on him. "Hey, Phoebe, this is the gang," he told me and I smiled at them. "Frank, how about some drinks?" he said and in a moment a beer was in my hand.  
  
"Drink up little lady," Frank said with a grin and I grinned back at him. I had to stay cool for James' sake. I didn't want to disappoint him or have his friends make fun of him over me. I watched as James downed the whole beer along with the rest of his friends. Hey, what the hell, and I quickly downed mine to find another in my hand. After a few more beers one of the guys suggested that we dance. James led me onto the dance floor and I at once felt right at home in his arms.  
  
"James..." I whispered and he looked down at me with shock on his face.  
  
"What did you call me?" he asked, anger in his eyes. I looked at him with confusion and winced as his hand squeezed tighter on my arm. "It's Jim," he continued and then let go of me as one of his friends called out to him. "I gotta go talk with this guy," he told me gruffly and looked around. "Dance with Matt." I looked at James...or Jim...in shock, but Matt was already next to me with his arms wrapped around my middle. I had eyes only for James...but Matt was kind of cute and my boyfriend was freaking me out a little. I danced for a while with Matt, but when he leaned down and started kissing me on the neck I jumped back. I looked up at him in shock only to find a confused look on his face. In a minute his arms were wrapped around me again and this time they held onto me firmly.  
  
"What are you doing?!" I said with as much attitude as I could muster and he just grinned down at me. "You're Jim's girl now, right?" he asked and I slowly nodded. "You'll get use to it." And with that we started dancing again. His hold on me was so tight that I couldn't resist. When he started putting his hand up my shirt I almost screamed with disgust, but at that moment James came sauntering over and pulled me towards him.  
  
"Come on baby," he whispered and started leading me towards the back. "Did you have fun with Matt?" I only starred at him and quickly downed another beer as it was placed into my hand. When we got into the back James sat me on a table and put his arms on my shoulders. "Do you like my friends?" he asked, and I starred at him in shock.  
  
"James, your friend Matt had his hands up my shirt!" I told him in fury, but he didn't seemed surprised.  
  
"Why do you keep calling me James?" he asked and slid his hand up to my throat. "My name is Jim." My heart started to pound as I looked at my boyfriend in fear...His muscular hand flexed as he gripped my vulnerable neck and I knew I was at his mercy. Slowly, I nodded, and his hand was withdrawn. "Now, let's have some fun." At this point I was very confused, but the beers were sinking in, so I allowed myself to be led over to a table and with every coax from Jim I downed another and another. I'm not sure what happened after that, but the next thing I knew I was at Jim's place lying on the bed. He had some sort of needle...wait, he had been using it all night...I laid there in silence and watched as he sat down next to me and lifted my arm up.  
  
"Do you love me baby," he asked and I nodded. "Do you trust me?" I again nodded. Before I knew it I felt the needle slide into my arm and the liquid within went flowing throughout my body. I don't know what happened next, but I was on a major high and it felt great...it made me feel free....  
  
I awoke to find James...no, Jim...I don't know...he was gone. Last night...it was a blur. I wasn't sure what had happened, but I had been with James...I must've been safe. When I tried to get out of bed I collapsed on the floor in dizziness...Uhh...I felt sick. Forcing myself up, I raced for the bathroom to vomit and then turned on the shower. After a steaming hot shower I emerged feeling a little better, but my head was pounding. I quickly found aspirin in a cabinet, took it, and then got dressed. After a quick look around I struggled outside. Too weak and dizzy to walk, I called a cab and was finally home. Cassie, to no surprise, was gone, but had left a note this time.  
  
Phoebe,  
I hope you had a great time last night. James sure is a hunk. I'll be gone with friends for the next week. We're going down to Ocean City. Please feed Katri and I'll bring you back a souvenir.  
Thanx,  
Cassie  
  
Smiling a little to myself at the flightiness of my friend, I sat down and tried to clear my head. What had happened? Try as I might, I couldn't connect the memories or the facts. I'd wait for James to come to me.  
***  
Two Weeks Later...  
  
Oh my God, I needed it, I needed it! Where was he?! Sighing with frustration, I paced around the apartment. I was just about to call him when I heard a knock at the door. Smiling, I rushed over and opened it to find Jim. Lately, he had been Jim more and more. The hot, respectable, intelligent James had turned into the hot, wild, unpredictable, beer- loving, druggie Jim. I was caught up in a steaming kiss full of passion before I shut the door and we headed towards the club.  
  
"Do you have it?" I asked, tense and worried.  
  
"Of course baby," he replied. "I am in charge of our whole underground operation. Don't you remember? I store all the stuff at the garage where I work. It was sent over to Frank's club this morning." I sighed in relief, knowing that I'd get some tonight. The craving was immense and horrific. When we finally got to the club I loaded up on beers and played around with some of the guys. Jim finally called me over and we went into the back together.  
  
"Do you have it?" I asked eagerly and he nodded.  
  
"Here we are," he said, and held out a needle. Slowly, he injected some into me and then some into him. I sighed as the high that came with the drugs went throughout my body and rushed around to my head. The night was wild, just like every night had been since...since...well, I couldn't remember any more. The time went by so slow...so fast...it was all a blur. All I knew is that I needed Jim, just like I needed this stuff. Sometimes James would emerge from the man I called my boyfriend. We'd go riding on his motorcycle or strolling through the crowded seats. Sometimes he'd take me to nice restaurants. Most of the time, I looked at Jim, but I still smiled. He gave me what I needed to survive. I wasn't sure what kind of drugs it was, but I had tried going without it and I couldn't. This stuff helped me to live, it helped me to survive. I needed Jim, and I couldn't keep myself away from him.  
  
I woke to find myself lying next to Jim in his bed. His arm was around me and his lips were resting on my neck. Looking over to the clock, I saw that it was quarter of seven. I had to hurry if I wanted to make it to work. Quickly slipping out from under Jim, I stumbled over and threw myself into the shower for five minutes. Finding the extra set of work clothes that I kept here, I put them on and went over to my boyfriend.  
  
"I've got to go," I whispered and smiled when he opened his eyes.  
  
"You want me to walk you?" he asked and I kissed him on the forehead. This was James I was talking to.  
  
"No James, I'll be okay if I take a taxi." And with that, I left the apartment and headed for work. James' switch in personalities didn't bother me too much. I could deal with it. Besides, I needed him.  
  
I got to work on time and struggled throughout the morning to concentrate. I had a head-throbbing headache and felt like I would vomit at any moment. But, I made it through and was about to collapse when Dana came up to me.  
  
"C'mon Phoebe, came out to lunch with us," she said. I was too weak to refuse, even knowing the questions that would come if I went out to lunch with my friends.  
  
"Okay, let me get my jacket," I answered and met my friends at the back door. We slowly made our way to the diner we always ate at and sat down in our usual booth.  
  
"Phoebe..." I looked across the booth at Jessica and to my right at Dana. "What's going on girl?" Jessica asked and I shook my head.  
  
"It's nothing. I just went out with James last night and had a little too much to drink." I saw my friends give each other looks and I sighed in exasperation. "I'm fine you guys! You don't have anything to worry about. Both of you have met James. Do you think he would let anything happen to me?" I saw their looks of worry slowly vanish and I smiled. "Now, why don't you tell us about your new guy Jessica?" She looked at me in shock and I pointed at her bracelet. "You haven't taken that new bracelet off all week. Who gave it to you?" She just smiled and proceeded to tell Dana and I about her new guy Jordan.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	2. Return Home?

Troubled Times Part 2 By: Silverstar  
  
Hey everyone! Thanks to all who reviewed, even though I hoped for more than I got...But I'm very grateful for those that did ^^. I also want to take this time to say that I'm hoping to update more frequently then I did for previous fics because I have all the way through the 5th chapter written, and I'm working on the sixth right now. Okays.  
  
Charmed Fanatic: Yes, Phoebe and Prue will be in this fic! So, don't worry. About Phoebe and her guy...well, you'll just have to wait and see.  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own Charmed ^_^  
  
**********  
  
Two Months Later...  
  
The alarm went off at six and I stumbled out of bed to turn it off. I had forgotten to change the alarm setting on it since I had gotten fired yesterday. Marie said I was never on time and I always looked half-drunk and high when I came to work. I guess she was half-right. As I turned off the alarm I felt my stomach rumble and turn. I felt sick. Rushing to the bathroom, I got there just in time before yesterday's meal came back out. I hadn't heard from Jim for days. Where was he? I was going crazy. I needed him, I needed some drugs. I felt terrible without it, depressed, vulnerable, and worthless. After brushing my teeth and cleaning up, I went to get dressed. As I walked out of the bathroom I jumped in surprise. Jim was standing there with a small package.  
  
"Jim!" I squealed and ran into his embrace. We kissed for a few moments before I broke away and looked at the package. "Did you bring it?" I asked and he smiled.  
  
"Sorry for keeping you waiting, but I had to be careful. The cops were watching the docks were it was being shipped in." I nodded as he brought out the liquid and set up the needles for me. My hands were so shaky that I couldn't have done it if I had tried.  
  
"Jim, how can you be so calm?" I asked and he laughed.  
  
"Calm?! I was going nuts this morning till I got this. I know I should've waited for you but I couldn't. You understand baby?" I nodded. If I had gotten this stuff this morning I wouldn't have been able to wait. Finally, he gave me the needle and I slid it into my left arm. I immediately felt the effects and took another dosage. "You okay?" James asked, and I nodded.  
  
"I'm just feeling a little depressed. I lost my job yesterday."  
  
"Oh no," he said and I sighed as he brought me closer to him. "Well, I can help to cheer you up." I just smiled at my boyfriend, and let him lead me away from the world and up to heaven.  
  
The next morning I woke up in bed alone, undressed, and feeling sick. The drugs were wearing off. In a second I found myself coughing and I was too weak to make it to the bathroom. A minute later I felt my eyelids close and let the comfort of the darkness surround me.  
  
"...be...Phoebe!" I heard someone call my name, but my head hurt too much to make out who it was. Oh, the earth felt like it was shaking! Was it an earthquake? No, someone was shaking me...Taking in a deep breath, I started coughing and the shaking stopped. "Phoebe, can you hear me? Phoebe?!" Slowly, I opened my eyes and attempted to focus them. After a few minutes I saw Cassie's face in my vision and she wore the most worried expression I had ever seen.  
  
"C...Cassie?" I whispered and I saw her smile.  
  
"You're alive!" she shouted and I groaned at the loudness of her voice. "Oh, sorry," she whispered and I smiled weakly at her. "Can you sit up?" I heard her ask with concern and I wondered that myself. With Cassie's help I slowly lifted myself into a sitting position only to result in my stomach feeling sick.  
  
"Uhhh, Cassie..." I managed to get out and in a second a bucket was in front of me and I was vomiting into it. It was only at this point that I remembered that I had no clothing on and reached out to wrap a blanket around myself. After I was done, Cassie but the bucket at the end of my bed and helped me to my feet. With her help, I made it to the bathroom and was able to take a shower and clean up. An hour later I was sitting on clean sheets on my bed wrapped in my dark blue robe. Cassie had changed the sheets and cleaned up the apartment. Wow, she sure made up for the time when she was away.  
  
"Phoebe..." Taking a deep breath, I looked up at her and saw her expression. There was a 'tell me what's going on' look on her face and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started to cry. A minute later Cassie's arms were wrapped around me and I was sobbing into her shoulder. "Phoebe...What happened?" she asked when I had quieted a little. I looked up at my older friend and then looked down with shame. Slowly, I lifted the sleeves on both of my arms and turned them around. I saw Cassie's look of surprise at the numerous scars from injection after injection of the drugs Jim had been giving me. I slowly looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes. "Phoebe..." Her tears led to my tears and I broke down once again. As I was crying into her shoulder I quickly sat up and covered my mouth with my hand. Getting the message, Cassie helped me to the bathroom just in time. When I emerged I found Cassie sitting on her bed with Katri. I went over to join her and scratched the cat behind her ears. I was rewarded when she started to purr.  
  
"Cassie..." She looked up at me and I struggled to hold back my tears. "I really don't know when things got so messed up." She nodded and I looked down at Katri. She was so happy and content at this moment...Receiving all the love and attention she could ever want.  
  
"Tell me...from the beginning," Cassie said. I might of been taken back by the demand, but she said it with love, gentleness, and genuine friendship. Nodding at my friend, I thought back to the beginning. I told her of my first weeks with James, to the night at the club and my first injection. I told her of his split personalities and how I never knew what to expect with him. She looked at me in shock when I cried about how he'd get me drunk and let his friends do things to me. She cried with me when I admitted my addiction to the drugs...and how I didn't even know what he was giving me. She brought me into a hug when I told her I didn't think I'd be able to live without him or the drugs and finally, at the end, she picked up the phone.  
  
"Who are you calling?" I asked in panic, struggling to get up and take the phone from her. I was too weak.  
  
"I'm calling your sisters," she said, and my eyes opened wide.  
  
"No, please Cassie, don't call them! They already consider me the screw-up of the family!" She looked at me for a while and then walked over closer to me with the phone. "Phoebe, you need to go home. It's the best place for you right now."  
  
"What about James?" I asked and I saw tears come to her eyes.  
  
"If James really loved you, would he have given you this stuff?" she asked, and I looked over at where she was pointing. On my dresser was the rest of the package that he had left for me. Upon seeing it, my eyes went wide and I couldn't stop myself from getting up and making my way across the room. Cassie was too quick though, and shoved me back onto her bed. "Phoebe!" she called out but I shook my head.  
  
"He does love me! If he didn't he would've taken the stuff for himself! He knows how much I need it!" I looked at Cassie with rage as she picked up the drugs and pocketed them.  
  
"Phoebe, you need to stop now." she said in a determined voice, and I broke down crying. What was I doing? "I'm calling your sisters and you're going back to San Francisco." I looked up at Cassie and shook my head, but it was futile.  
  
"Please...I'll go back...but don't tell them...please don't tell them any of this," I begged and looked at Cassie with pleading eyes.  
  
"Okay," she finally said. "I'll just tell them to expect you home. But promise me you'll call every week, or I'll be coming down there." I nodded and watched as Cassie dialed the phone number.  
  
"Hello? Hi, Piper? This is Cassie, Phoebe's friend. Yeah, I was over your house a few times in high school....yeah, Prue's class. How are you? I'm fine. Well, you know Phoebe and I have been sharing an apartment together in New York. Oh, she's doing...okay. She just asked me to call for her. Yeah, she's planning on coming home. How soon? I'm sending her on a plane in the morning. Yes, I know it's short notice, but do you mind? That's great. Well, I'll talk to you soon. Okay, bye." I looked up at Cassie as she hung up the phone and smiled down at me. "Piper said she'll be looking for you tomorrow." I sighed and got up for some aspirin.  
  
"I guess I should start packing."  
***  
  
I stood at the airport watching Cassie sort everything out. We were lucky, there were a few seats left on the plane and one of them was mine. As she gave the lady at the desk my luggage I looked around. I was beginning to feel jittery, nervous...it was the beginning of withdraw. Luckily, I had stolen the package that Cassie had thrown in the dumpster outside after she had fallen asleep the other night. I also had had a secret meeting with Jim.... ~~~  
  
"James, it's Phoebe," I whispered over my cell right outside the apartment.  
  
"Phoebe? What's wrong? Why are you whispering?"  
  
"I can't explain now, I'll meet you at the bus stop." With that I hung up and headed out. When I got there I saw James standing next to the bench, waiting with nervousness. He rushed up to me when he saw me.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked and I wrapped my arms around him.  
  
"It's my roommate...she found out and she's sending me on a plane tomorrow...back to San Francisco," I cried into his shoulder. I could feel him tighten his grip on me and then pulled away to look into my eyes.  
  
"Do you have to go? Why don't you just stay with me?" he asked and I shook my head.  
  
"You don't understand," I whispered. "Cassie will call my sisters if I don't go home. She'll tell them everything and then the police will be after us both. I don't want anything to happen to you..." I took in a deep breath as his lips were pushed onto mine and hungrily kissed him back. When we broke apart I had tears in my eyes. "I don't know how I'll live without you," I whispered and he stroked my head.  
  
"Do what you have to do, but come back as soon as you can," he said and I nodded. A minute later I saw James reach down and pick up a bag. I hadn't even noticed it. "When I heard you on the phone I got worried," he explained and I peaked inside the bag. There were enough drugs in there to last me a while. "Take this with you. If you run out, call me. I'm not going to even ask for your address, I can't leave New York. My people need me." I nodded and took in his scent as he brought me close to him. "I can't call you either. I don't have the money for long distance and don't want any trouble with the cops." I nodded again and kissed him on the neck.  
  
"I'll call you," I promised. When we broke away I saw the hurt in his eyes and I felt it inside of me.  
  
"We'll find each other again," James reassured me and I nodded.  
  
"I should get back before Cassie knows I'm gone," I whispered, and with that I took one last look at my guy...he loved me so much and I loved him. We'd get through this. "I'll be back as soon as I can," I called out as I ran back down the street and to my apartment... ~~~  
  
"Phoebe!" I was pulled out of my thoughts by Cassie, standing there with my ticket and papers.  
  
"Oh, sorry," I whispered and she smiled. She knew how hard this was for me. After picking up my messenger bag and putting it over my right shoulder I allowed Cassie to wrap her arm around my shoulders and help me to my departure gate. We were almost there when I stopped. "I'm going to use the bathroom," I told her and she said she'd be right back as well. Going into a stall, I quickly took the drugs from my bag and shoved the needle into my arm. When I was through, I flushed the toilette and put my supplies back in my bag. When I emerged from the bathroom I found Cassie waiting there with two coffees. I thanked her as she handed me mine and smiled inwardly. The drugs flowing in my blood stream felt good...they would definitely last the flight. When we got to the gate there was an announcement overhead.  
  
"All passengers for the flight to San Francisco Airport please begin boarding now." I looked over at Cassie and gave her a small smile. Things seemed nicer now that I had given myself a dose. She smiled back and then engulfed me in a hug.  
  
"Promise you'll call once a week. I don't even care if I'm not there. Just leave a message, okay?"  
  
"Okay," I whispered as I returned the hug and we broke apart. I saw tears in Cassie's eyes and I knew there were some in mine as well. "Bye Cassie, be safe," I said and she gave me another hug.  
  
"You're the on that should be safe. At least I know you'll be under close watch with your sisters. And don't you try anything. I'll be calling your house tonight. Okay?" I nodded, and with one more smile at Cassie I went up to the flight attendant. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Cassie waving and I waved back. With that, I walked forward and onto the plane. I wasn't looking forward to the three-hour plane ride at all.  
  
"Can I get you anything?" I looked over at the stewardess and I think my face scared her, for she jumped a little, but stayed put. I was scowling just thinking about what was ahead of me...  
  
"I'll have water, thanks," I said quietly and she smiled at my politeness. It was true I wasn't as much of a looker as I had been all my life. I knew I was skinnier and there were big bags and dark circles under my eyes all the time. I always looked tired, even when I was sleeping. As the stewardess handed me my water I smiled at her and then looked back out the window. We were flying over New York and towards my hometown...towards my old life and my sisters...I dreaded going back there. I knew I'd never get a moment's peace under that roof. Why was my life like this? Why? Sighing to myself, I brought out my headphones and settled back for the ride. I'd have a while to think, but when the time came I knew I wouldn't know what to say to my sisters.  
***  
  
I looked around the airport as I fumbled to get my two bags of luggage off the conveyor belt. I was here...San Francisco. Taking a deep breath, I made my way outside and into the sun. It was already one o'clock here because of the time difference. Hailing a taxi, I shoved my bags in the back and hopped in. After giving the driver directions to Prescott Street and the manner I sat back and proceeded to watch out the window. It would be another half-hour before we were there. Every second that went by made me more and more nervous. I didn't think I could take the waiting any longer when the manner came into view and we pulled up in front of it. It was then that I wished we were still driving. Still, I paid the cab driver and pulled my bags out of the car. With a wave, the driver was gone and I was standing out front of the house I had grown up in. Taking a deep breath, I made my way towards the front door and knocked. It was seconds later when the door opened to reveal my older sister Piper. She looked, well, pretty much the same from the last time I had seen her. A little older, but the same height, same weight, and same hair style. When she saw me she stood there for a second before giving me a huge smile and engulfing me in a hug. Finding her reaction to me funny, I hugged her back and allowed her to help me bring my bags inside.  
  
"Phoebe, I've missed you so much," Piper began as we set the bags down at the foot of the stairs.  
  
"I've missed you too," I said, feeling a little awkward but thinking it was the right thing to say.  
  
"I was so surprised when your friend Cassie called yesterday. Why the big change? What's with the rush?" I looked at my sister and then shrugged.  
  
"I don't know...I just needed a change of atmosphere," I replied and continued to glance around. Everything looked the same...like before Grams died...  
  
"Oh, you must be hungry from the trip," Piper said and I picked up my bags. "Prue's at work, but I was just about to make lunch. Why don't you go settle in and I'll fix us something." I nodded as she left for the kitchen and I pulled my bags up to my room. Of course Prue wouldn't be here. She never cared for me anyways. Once in my room I closed and locked the door before pulling out Jim's bag from my larger suitcase. Looking around, I decided to stash it in a shoebox in the back of my closet. Feeling confident it was safe there, I unlocked the door and proceeded to unpack everything. Ten minutes later I heard a knock.  
  
"Come in," I called as I folded up some shirts to put in my drawer. I looked up as Piper came into the room with a tray.  
  
"Hey," she said and I nodded towards her. "I thought we could eat up here so that I could help you unpack."  
  
"Okay," I replied and went over to clear the suitcase off my desk so she could put the tray down. Smiling at me, Piper handed me a sandwich and a bottled water. "Thanks," I said as I took them from her and went to sit on my bed. She followed suit. I could feel my sister watching me as I took a bite of my sandwich and opened my water with a fumbling hand.  
  
"So, what's new with you?" she asked and I shrugged.  
  
"Nothing really," I lied and drank some of my water. "What about you?" I asked.  
  
"Well, I'm currently working at the bank and Prue's at Bucklands. I took off today so someone would be here when you got home."  
  
"Oh, you didn't have to do that," I said, getting up to unpack some more.  
  
"Of course I did," she replied and got up to help me "I haven't seen you for months!" I smiled at my sister and looked down when I felt something rub against my ankles. It was Kit.  
  
"Hey Kit," I cooed, bending down to scratch her behind the ears. She purred in response and Piper bent down too.  
  
"Did you miss her?" she asked and I nodded.  
  
"Yeah, but Cassie has a cat too, so she kept me company." Getting up, I continued to unpack and Piper gathered up the tray.  
  
"I'll leave your sandwich up here for you. Just bring down the plate when you're done unpacking," she told me.  
  
"Okay," I responded as Piper left and I sighed. I felt so tense around her...I just didn't want my sisters finding out why I was here. That was all. Fifteen minutes later I had unpacked and I picked up the plate of my uneaten sandwich. Not hungry at all, I made my way downstairs to throw it in the trash. On my way down I heard Piper on the phone. Stopping on the stairs to listen, I heard that she was talking to Prue.  
  
"Prue...Hi. Yeah, Phoebe's home and...she doesn't look too good. Well, she's so much skinnier and she has these dark circles under hr eyes. Yeah...She only ate a bite of the sandwich I made for her. I'm worried...I know she didn't tell me the real reason she was here...Yeah...We'll talk when you get home. Okay...Love you...Bye." I waited as Piper went out of the kitchen and into the sunroom before slowly descending the rest of the stairs and going into the kitchen. Throwing the food away, I put the plate in the sink and quickly made my way back to my room. I needed some sleep.  
***  
  
*THUMP* *THUMP* Uhhh...I slowly opened my eyes and realized that someone was knocking on my door.  
  
"Who is it?" I asked as I groggily sat up attempted to clear my head.  
  
"It's Prue," I heard my eldest sister call from outside my door. "May I come in?"  
  
"Sure," I said, sighing to myself as the door opened to reveal my sister. I watched as she slowly closed the door and walked over towards me. Yep...she was just like I remembered. Prue still had that dark short hair that made her look so much older and a black suit from the office. I saw a little wrinkle appear across her forehead when she looked at me, but was taken aback when her frown turned into a small smile.  
  
"Phoebe..." I starred up at my sister as she stood there, looking unsure of what to do or say. "I'm sorry, you were sleeping...I can come back later," she said, making her way towards the door.  
  
"No," I called out, surprising Prue and myself. "It's alright. I was just a little jet lagged, but if I sleep now I won't be able to sleep tonight." She nodded and then joined me on the bed.  
  
"So, how was the Big Apple?" she asked, and I smiled a little at her words. The Big Apple...well, an apple a day didn't keep the doctor away, that's for sure.  
  
"It was okay," I said, looking down at my arms. I could almost see my New York scars by just looking at the sleeves of my shirt. I jumped when I felt something on my shoulder and looked over to see Prue, her hand on my shoulder, and smiling.  
  
"Phoebe, no matter why you left New York, we're just glad you're home. Grams would have wanted it this way." I looked at my sister as she quietly got up and opened my bedroom door. "Dinner's in five," she said, and then shut the door as she left. I starred at my closed door for a few moments before getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. Was Prue actually nice to me? It must be a first. When I reached the bathroom and started to brush my hair and clean up for dinner I couldn't keep my eyes off the mirror...my reflection. It was why Prue was nice to me...I was less...just that...less. When I left for New York I was more...I had more then Prue had, than Piper had...I had freedom and spirit, beauty and excitement...Now...it was all gone. But, I could deal with that, I could accept it as long as I didn't have to give up what Jim had given me. After washing my face and hands I shakily opened the door and headed downstairs. Prue was just sitting down at the kitchen table and Piper was setting out the food. It was pasta and salad. I quietly made my way into the kitchen and grabbed a bottled water before taking a deep breath and heading out to the table. I hoped and prayed that I wasn't going to be bombarded with questions. I slowly took my place at the table and felt the silence in the room. It was paining...still, I couldn't bring myself to start up a conversation...I didn't even want to be here. I wanted to be with Jim. I looked up as Piper started to pile food onto my plate, and then hers and Prue's. I slowly unscrewed the water bottle with shaky hands and took a sip. The coolness felt so great going down my throat. Taking a deep breath, I picked up my roll and started to break little pieces off it. I had to eat something. Piper had made this dinner for me, after all. After putting a piece of the roll into my mouth I chewed it slowly and looked around. Piper was concentrating on her food, obviously feeling awkward with the silence. Prue was looking at me and when I looked over at her she smiled and continued to eat. The silence didn't really bother me. It was a nice change from the nights in New York...but Jim was in New York...I missed him...  
  
"So, Prue, how was work?" Piper asked and I looked over at Prue at the sound of her name.  
  
"It was okay, just a little busy. Pretty normal though," she answered and I saw Piper smile. She enjoyed conversation.  
  
"How was your day?" Prue asked. Piper shrugged and proceeded to talk in between bites.  
  
"I just stayed home, cleaned up a little, welcomed Phoebe home, and made dinner. It was a nice break." Prue nodded and then did what I dreaded and knew she was going to do. She turned to me.  
  
"What about you Phoebe?" she asked and I put the half of the roll down that I hadn't eaten yet. I couldn't just sit here and not answer, though I wished I wasn't asked to talk. Talking about New York made me miss Jim, and missing Jim made me want to go upstairs and take more drugs. Unfortunately, I had to ration them since I only had a limited supply.  
  
"I got up early and had Cassie take me to the airport...and then I came here and unpacked. Nothing really more than that," I mumbled.  
  
"How is Cassie?" Piper asked, and I looked over at her. "She was so nice on the phone yesterday. Is she doing alright?" I nodded my head and took a sip of water.  
  
"She's fine...always running off un-expectantly and returning with even less notice." Piper nodded as I took another sip of water and started to pick at my pasta, eating a few noodles every now and then. I drifted off into my own mind as Prue and Piper started talking about money, bills, and work...I wanted to go back to New York...I hadn't even been here one day, and yet I felt miserable...I missed Jim...When the phone rang I was jolted out of my thoughts and watched as Piper left the room to go get it. She returned two seconds later with the portable phone and held it out for me.  
  
"It's Cassie," she said and I slowly reached out to take the phone. Picking up my plate and water, I walked into the kitchen to throw away the uneaten food, and brought the water and phone up to my room.  
  
"Thanks for dinner," I mumbled as I trudged up the stairs. "Hello," I said after locking the door and sitting down on my bed.  
  
"Phoebe? Oh, Thank God! How are you? How's life over there? How're your sisters?" I smiled at Cassie's questions and then sighed.  
  
"I only just got here Cassie, but I can tell you that it's so different from New York...so quiet...in a good way and in a bad one."  
  
"I know what you mean," she said and I nodded.  
  
"My sisters seem happy to have me home...but I know I'm just disrupting their lives. I wish I was back in New York..."  
  
"Now look here Halliwell," Cassie said in a stern voice. "Don't you try to guilt me into letting you come back. You have to stay over there and get well. It's what's best for you. Listen to me! You need to put Jim and your New York life behind you. Stay in San Francisco and start over. Do you hear me?"  
  
"Yes...I hear you Cassie..." I said, looking longingly at my framed picture of Jim that I had put on my bureau.  
  
"Phoebe...I know you too well to think that you've given up on Jim. I'm asking you and pleading with you as a friend...Move on." There was silence for a moment before I spoke.  
  
"I'll try Cassie," I mumbled, knowing that was what she wanted to hear.  
  
"Good, now let me tell you about my new guy." I smiled at her quickness in changing the subject and sat back to listen to her speak.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	3. Hide and Seek

Troubled Times Part 3 By: Silverstar  
  
Here it is, the next chapter! I hope everyone enjoys.  
  
To Charmed Fanatic: Thank you so much! You really do inspire me to keep writing. ^^ Your review put me in such high spirits, so I want to thank you lots. About Katri the cat, let's just say that when Cassie saw Phoebe like that (defeated and in a very dark place) she came to her senses a little and started hanging around her apartment more.  
  
Disclaimer: ME = FAN. FAN ¹ OWNER ^___^  
  
**********  
A few days later...  
  
Slowly...very slowly...I opened my eyes. The room seemed so bright and my head was pounding. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly sat up. I gently massaged my forehead with my index and pointer fingers as I looked around. My vision was a little blurry, but it improved as I continued to blink my eyes and focus on only one point across the room. I vaguely remembered the events of the previous night...Prue...she had come running into my room just as I was about to pull my beloved shoe box out of the closet...Something about me not moving my laundry over quick enough...Oh, such a fight...I remember...I locked the door and took some of my life force from the box. Energetic and high, I had climbed out the window and went to party at some of the night clubs...such a crazy night...  
  
Looking at the clock, I saw that it was already two in the afternoon. I didn't know what time I had climbed back into my room and fell onto my bed in exhaustion, but I knew I had probably been sleeping for a while...Still, It didn't matter. I could sleep for as long as I liked and I was still tired. Getting up, I picked up some sweatpants and a sweatshirt before heading over to fumble with my lock. I was always so cold nowadays...I guess because I've lost so much weight. After unlatching my lock, I headed straight for the bathroom to take a shower. My stomach was a little queasy, and that scared me. The booze I had absorbed last night was forcing my body into a hangover, and I didn't want to throw-up all of my drugs...I only had enough for a couple of weeks if I was careful and I didn't want to waist it...  
  
"I...I don't think I'll make it," I cried to myself as I stepped into the shower and let the cool water refresh me. By the time I was dressed it was three o'clock, but I knew that no one was home yet. Piper didn't get in till around five and Prue wouldn't be here till six. Sighing to myself, I trudged downstairs to grab a bottle of water. After picking up the portable phone and my water I fell onto the couch and starred at the numbers on the phone. Should I call? I missed him so much...Looking around, I felt confident that my sisters wouldn't be home soon, so I turned it on and slowly dialed his number...RING...RING...RING...RI-  
  
"Hello?" I heard a slurred voice from the other end...I smiled, knowing he had been sleeping, but he'd have to get up for work soon anyway.  
  
"Hey," I whispered, and there was silence on the other end.  
  
"Ph...Phoebe?" he asked, and I laughed.  
  
"Yeah, who did you think it was? I'm the only girl who knows your private number."  
  
"Phoebe! Oh God, how are you? I've been waiting forever to hear from you!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Oh, Please Jim, it's only been a few days," I replied but he continued to insist.  
  
"No...It's seemed like forever. I miss you baby, when are you coming home?" I frowned at this and felt the tears well up in my eyes. "Phoebe? Are you crying? What's wrong?"  
  
"It's just...I miss you so much...but I won't be able to come home for a long while...and, oh, I hate it here. I'm running out of...you know, and I have a hangover. I don't know how I'll survive without you." I started to sob into the phone and heard shushing noises from the other end.  
  
"Oh, baby, please don't cry," he insisted and I tried to quiet my sobs. "I miss you too...and don't worry about the drugs. You should have enough until we can figure out something." My cries slowly stopped and I took a deep breath.  
  
"I miss you Jim...Just hearing your voice...It makes everything seem better...but makes everything seem sadder too, because we're not together."  
  
"Don't worry...we'll be together soon. I promise." I smiled at James' promise...only he made promises...Jim never did.  
  
"Thanks James...I love you," I whispered as I wiped away the tears from my face.  
  
"I love you too," he returned and I had to smile. Those few words made my heart pound, my spirits soar, and my hangover seem like a pesky fly. We sat and talked for a while longer...about an hour, and it was the happiest hour I had spent in San Francisco since I had gotten here.  
  
"Damnit, hey Phoebe, I got to go. I'm going to be late for work." I smiled sadly, yet knowingly.  
  
"I won't keep you," I whispered as I looked at the clock.  
  
"Hey, I'll be waiting for your next call, okay love?"  
  
"Alright, luv ya Jim. I'll talk to you soon...missing you the whole time."  
  
"Me too babe." With that, I slowly set down the phone and lay back on the couch. Oh Jim...Just the thought of him being all the way in New York and me being in San Francisco was enough to start me crying again. Grabbing a pillow, I buried my face in it and began to sob. In a little time, I fell asleep. One hand wrapped around the phone, and one hugging the pillow fiercely, wishing it were Jim.  
  
My eyes slowly opened to a small noise and I looked around in confusion for a minute...that was right, I was back in San Francisco down on the couch...Jim...Moving around a little, I found that there was a blanket wrapped around me. When I glanced over I found Piper sleeping on the chair across from me, a blanket wrapped around her as well. The clock said seven...I had been asleep for three more hours, yet I still felt exhausted. When I slowly sat up I saw Prue standing in the doorway. It was her who had woken me. She was just standing there, looking at us both, but I didn't care what she thought of me. I only cared what Jim thought, and he loved me. He would wait for me.  
  
"She's worried about you," Prue whispered, and I looked back over at her to find her eyes. They weren't angry...were they...were they sad? No...I couldn't tell what her eyes held. They seemed far off somehow...like mine always were. I glanced back at Piper and sighed.  
  
"Why should she be?" I whispered. "I'm fine." Reaching over, I pulled the blanket off me and sat up straight, trying to clear my head.  
  
"You've been crying." At the sound of Piper's voice I looked over to see her eyes opened and looking at me with worry. Slowly, I reached my hand up and placed it on my cheek...tear stains...there were still trails of tears falling down my cheeks...I must've continued to cry while I was sleeping. Becoming self-conscious, I quickly took the blanket that has been covering me and wiped my face. Great...my sisters had me cornered and I didn't have the strength to fight or run away. Glancing down, I realized that I was still holding the phone and I remembered my hour-long talk with Jim...The memory made me stronger. I looked back up at my sisters, but didn't say anything. I couldn't deny the fact that I had been crying, but I didn't have to tell them why. When Prue walked closer and Piper got to her feet, I looked at them uneasily. In a minute they each sat on either side of me and I knew I'd never be able to get away from them. Realizing I was stuck talking to them, I looked down at my lap and ended eye contact.  
  
"Phoebe...Phoebe, look at us," Prue pleaded, but I continued glancing down. Knowing that I wouldn't look up, Prue continued. " Phoebe, we're just worried about you." Still, I shook my head and refused to look up at her. I wasn't going to listen to this. "Phoebe...if you're still mad about yesterday, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. You just got back...you aren't into the swing of things yet...really, I'm sorry. I just took out my stress on you." I looked over to my left at my big sister. She had...apologized? That wasn't like her, yet there she was, apologizing to my face. A trick, that's it. A trick to make me confess. If I confess...I'll never see Jim ever again.  
  
"Phoebe honey, we're just worried. We're not mad at you." I looked to my right at Piper and then back down at my lap. Why should they be worried? Yes, it was a trick. "Phoebe..." I looked up as I heard my sister begin to cry...Why? Why was she crying? I didn't even say anything.  
  
"Piper?" I whispered, and my heart broke as I watched Piper cover her face with her hands...the tears still escaped from beneath her fingers. "Piper...don't cry," I whispered. I hadn't eaten all day, and my long talk with Jim had worn me out. I hadn't talked that much in all the time I had been here. However much it hurt to watch my sister cry, I couldn't bring myself to reach over and give her a hug. I wasn't worthy...I was the one who had made her cry in the first place, wasn't I? Confusion came over me as feeling of sadness surfaced. I hadn't known that I cared this much for Piper...why did I care anyway? They didn't care about me...if they found out why I really came back they'd keep me from living...they'd keep me from seeing Jim.  
  
"Phoebe..." I looked up to see that Prue had gotten up to sit next to Piper and had wrapped her arms around her.  
  
"Why does she worry?" I asked. "I'm fine." I starred at Piper some more as she quieted down and wondered if they'd believe me. I really wasn't fine...I'd never be fine without Jim.  
  
"Phoebe, have you looked at yourself lately?" Prue asked, and I looked down at my lap again. "Ask yourself a question. When was the last time you ate?" I thought hard, and realized that it was the first night that I had come back. Since then, all I had put in my stomach was water and beer. "You look so weak, so tired...you never eat, and well...you aren't the Phoebe that we remember." I looked up at my sisters, anger clearly evident on my face.  
  
"You're right, I'm not the Phoebe that you remember," I spat as I stood unsteadily to my feet. "Not that you care! You never cared about me before, why now that I've changed?! You don't even have to pretend anymore. I know you're just lying to figure out why I came back. And you know what? I'll never tell you!" Enraged, I stomped towards the stairs and headed up to my room as fast as my wobbly legs could carry me. Unfortunately, that wasn't very fast. By the time I was at the top of the stairs I was panting heavily with Prue behind me and Piper in front.  
  
"Please Phoebe, let us help you," Piper pleaded, but I knew it was a trick. All of a sudden, Prue's arms came around me from behind. I fought and fought, but I was so weak...she was so strong, my big sister. Slowly, I sank to the floor, my sisters alongside me.  
  
"Tell us," Prue demanded in a soft whisper, but I just shook my head.  
  
"Please leave me alone," I begged, tears coming to my eyes. "Please...leave me alone..." Closing my eyes, I felt Prue and Piper each lift one of my arms and took in deep breaths as they easily carried me to my bed. After they had set me down and I calmed myself I opened my eyes to find them still standing there. Piper leaned down to pull the covers over me and gently kissed my forehead.  
  
"Phoebe..." I glanced wearily up at her and shook my head. I'd never tell...Couldn't they accept it and leave me alone? Cautiously, I watched as Piper stood up and left the room.  
  
"Phoebe, we don't care why you came home...we care that you are here, and we want to help you. We care about your health and your well being. Please, talk to us." I looked up at Prue, but couldn't bring myself to say anything. I starred at her, my eyes wandering, lost in thoughts of Jim, and then I turned over and let sleep overtake me. I left the real world for fantasies and dreams where Jim and I were together again, and my sisters weren't there to get in the way.  
  
When I woke up the house was quiet. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was eleven...Saturday morning. My sisters were probably home, waiting downstairs to ambush me. Wincing at this thought, I picked up some jeans and a long T-shirt before heading for the shower. It was sort of late, so Piper and Prue would already be done with the bathroom. The steaming hot water was refreshing, but I still splashed some cold water over my face. It woke me up a little. After getting dressed I looked at myself in the mirror, brushing my teeth as I starred at my reflection. Maybe I wasn't the same, but Jim thought I was beautiful, and that was all that mattered. Smiling at this thought, I returned to my room and sat down at my desk. How was I going to go downstairs and face my sisters? You know, I'd feel stronger if I took some...Glancing over at my closet, a grin appeared on my face. That was what I needed. Slowly, I got up and dug the shoebox out of my closet. I gently pulled my long Tee shirt sleeve up on my left arm and looked at it. There were so many scars...but it was worth it. I quickly picked up the needle and injected some of the liquid into my blood stream.  
  
"Phoebe?" My head bolted up as I heard Prue's voice from the other side of the door. Jamming the box lid back on, I rushed over to my closet to store it away. "Phoebe, I know you're up. May I come in?" After closing my closet I jumped onto my bed and caught my breath before Prue slowly opened the door and peeked in. I looked over at her and then down. I could already feel the effects of the dose and it was making me happier, but more suspicious. I slowly looked up at my sister as she walked into the room and gently shut the door behind her. What was that she had in her hands...a tray...a tray of food? Just the smell of the fresh bagels, cream cheese, and orange juice made my stomach turn, and I looked towards my window, opened slightly at the bottom. I needed some air.  
  
"What do you want?" I asked, annoyed and not wanting to see my sisters at the moment.  
  
"I just thought you might be hungry," Prue said, setting the tray down on my desk and coming to sit next to me. "Piper made breakfast and, well...I know you skipped dinner last night, so..." I starred at my sister for a moment and then at the food. No...if it went into my stomach it might come back out, and I couldn't risk losing what was inside of me...it felt too good...relaxing...calm.  
  
"I'm not hungry," I muttered, and then moved back to lean against my pillow. After closing my eyes for a moment I opened them to find that Prue was still there, looking at me. Why wouldn't she leave?  
  
"I'll leave it here for you," she whispered, and then quickly got up to leave. As the door shut behind her I sighed in frustration. Just the smell of the food was making me nauseous. Getting up, I slowly walked over to the window and looked out. Prue was outside getting the mail, and Piper was with her, talking...probably about me. Quickly, I picked up the tray and headed downstairs. After throwing out the food I grabbed some water from the fridge and retreated back to my room. Opening the window wider, I breathed in the fresh air and sighed. We'd figure out something soon...and I'd be able to go back to Jim. Until then...I'd have to tough it out.  
  
***  
Two Weeks Later...  
  
I sat up in bed and listened quietly for my sisters...not a sound. It was twelve thirty and they were both finally in bed. Getting up quickly, I changed into a tight denim mini skirt and a low cut red tank top. For the past few weeks my sisters had been watching me like hawks, but late last night I had gotten in touch with Jim. He had told me to use up what I had as a treat...there was someone he wanted me to meet. Smiling at the memory, I locked my door and opened up my window. After one look down, I climbed out and silently made my way to the ground. Once there, I walked over a block to a waiting taxi.  
  
"Where to Mam'?" the driver asked.  
  
"The Red Night. Do you know the club?" The driver nodded and we were on our way. Fifteen minutes later the driver stopped and I paid him as I got out. "This place looks exciting," I whispered. After all, Jim wouldn't lead me to anyplace without excitement. I walked right in after showing my ID and went over to sit at the bar. Jim had promised me a meeting with a friend who was traveling to San Francisco. Following his instructions, I wore the red tank top with the mini skirt, and once at the bar I ordered a beer. Then, I waited. As I sat there, patiently waiting for Jim's friend, I surveyed the room. Across the bar a guy was staring at me with a grin on his face. I smiled back, and in a few seconds he was at my side.  
  
"Want to dance?" His voice was gruff and his breath smelled like smoke, but there was something about him...I nodded, and in a few we were on the dance floor. I looked my new friend in the eyes as our bodies touched and we swayed to the music. After twenty minuets, he leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Do you know who I am?" I smiled, and nodded.  
  
"Jim sent you," I replied and at this statement he smiled back.  
  
"I knew you were the one...all the guys talk about you," he said, and I laughed at this. "My name's Matt. Follow me out back. I have what you want in my car." I nodded, and we casually made our way outside. Once there, he held onto my hand and led me to a beat-up blue car with a New York license plate. Nodding at Matt, I slid into the passenger seat and waited. After glancing around, he got into the driver's side and closed his door.  
  
"Well?" I asked, adding a flirting quality to my voice and giving him a smile...a desperate smile filled with anticipation. I think he saw my urgency and I was rewarded when he reached under his seat and pulled out a bag.  
  
"Here it is," he whispered, and I was just about to open it when his hand shot out to stop me.  
  
"Don't open it here," he said quickly. "Jim told me to tell you. It's not safe unless you're at home." I nodded, and then put the bag on the floor.  
  
"Did Jim say anything else?" I asked, wanting a message desperately. Matt looked me up and down slowly and nodded.  
  
"He wanted me to give you this." In a second Matt's lips were on mine, and my whole body tingled with excitement. It wasn't unusual for Jim's friends to fool around with me, and he usually didn't mind. The fact that he had sent one of his guys all the way here to give me a kiss was incredible. Immediately, I kissed Matt right back and when we were done I sighed in content. I needed that.  
  
"Will you drive me home?" I asked, and Matt started the car. After instructing him to drop me off a block away from my house, I sat back and enjoyed the ride. My sisters were so watchful that I probably wouldn't get out of the house by myself for a while. Piper has been taking weird shifts and Prue has been working at home...One of them is always around. Once the car stopped I turned towards Matt. He was starring at me. "Thanks for the drive...and this," I said, holding up the bag. "You're a lifesaver...You have no idea how much I owe you."  
  
"Hey, I was heading down here for some dealings anyway. And I got to spend some time with you." I smiled and then leaned forward to whisper in my savior's ear.  
  
"Tell Jim Thanks and that I owe him," I said, and then leaned forward for one last kiss. Smiling at my new friend, I got out of the car and started to walk home. As I approached the house I took note that all of the lights were out...good sign. I quietly climbed up the tree near my window and slipped into my room. All was quiet. Knowing that I wasn't missed, I smiled and went over to stash my new treasure in the closet. That night I slept well, dreaming about Jim and the future.  
  
The next morning I got up early, still energetic from all the chemicals inside of me. Since it was only seven and it seemed nice outside, I decided to go for a run. I quickly put on a quarter length white shirt, some blue shorts, and a windbreaker. After pulling my hair up to keep it out of my face I grabbed a bottle of water and headed out. The day was beautiful, and the events of last nigh made it seem even better. Everything was going to be perfect...I had to believe it, and I did. After about ten minutes of jogging I could feel the familiar pain in my side start to develop and I slowed down to catch my breath. I had ended up in the park...a place I use to go to a lot as a kid when I wanted out of the house. I can't believe I had forgotten...Smiling at my refuge, I walked down a path and looked around. It was the same as the last time I was here...You didn't get this in New York. Noticing a bench, I made my way towards it sat down, and started to drink some of my water. Everything was so beautiful...the birds, the trees, the grass, the sky...It really was something. By the time I took a look at my watch again it was nine o'clock. Oh great, my sisters were either having a cow, or wondering why I wasn't up yet, since they think I went to bed at eleven. Getting up, I looked around one more time before jogging back to my house.  
  
"I hope they're not downstairs," I whispered, not wanting to have to answer questions...But as I opened the front door I heard voices coming from the kitchen. When I closed the door behind me I heard the voices stop...they had heard me...Oh, great, I was in for it. Still, hoping that luck may be on my side, I headed up the stairs.  
  
"Phoebe?" I was half way up the stairs when I heard Prue's voice below. Looking down, I saw both her and Piper staring up at me. "Where were you?" Prue asked.  
  
"I just went for a run," I answered before racing upstairs to the shower. I didn't care how mad they were at me for not staying around to talk, I needed to get out. I was back in the house for only a minute, and I already felt suffocated. When I emerged from the shower I felt a little calmer, but I was still angry. I got angry so easily...The only thing my sisters asked was where I had been...but why should they have to know everything I do? They never knew anything when I was in New York...when I was with Jim. Thinking of Jim, I decided to pull his package out and count how much he had sent me. Just reaching for the bag in the back of my closet calmed my nerves, and I took in a big breath as I settled down onto my bed. One by one, I pulled each bottle out of the bag and counted five needles. Just as I was half way into the bag I decided to try some. Rolling up the bag, I left what I had not counted in there and slid it under my bed. Looking at the bottles covering my blanket, I picked up one and rolled up my sleeve. Picking up the needle, I had just slid it into my arm when I heard a knock at the door.  
  
"Phoebe?" Oh shit, it was Piper! Grabbing everything, I quickly shoved it under my pillow right before the door opened. There stood Piper, breakfast in hand, looking into my room unsurely. "Phoebe?" Looking at her, I saw her eyes were looking at something. Following her gaze, I looked down at my bare arm, still rolled up. If only she hadn't barged in! Cursing under my breath, I quickly rolled my sleeve back down and glanced over to make sure my pillow was covering everything. When I looked back up I felt fear start in the pit of my stomach and move up to my throat. Piper was looking at me in shock, worry, and confusion. Setting the food tray down, she quickly came over to sit next to me on the bed. I couldn't look at her...what if she knew?  
  
"What?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
"Phoebe...what...?" Looking over, I watched as Piper reached for my arm. Seeing what she intended, I quickly brought it closer to my body and backed up. Big mistake...As soon as I scooted back the pillow on my bed moved over slightly, showing some of the bottles. Luckily, Piper couldn't see them because my body was blocking her view. "PRUE!" Piper shouted, and I knew I was in for it.  
  
"What?" I asked, feeling the tears coming because my secret was out, but not letting them fall. "Why are you calling her? Piper! Why?" I shouted at her, feeling the hysterics beginning and knowing that it was over. I'd never see Jim again...never. Moving so that my body covered my pillow, I pulled both of my arms close and watched in fear. In a moment Prue was standing next to Piper, looking at her while Piper kept her eyes on me.  
  
"What is it?" Prue asked, following Pier's gaze towards me.  
  
"I...I think..." Piper whispered, keeping her eyes on me, and then turned to Prue. "Phoebe's arm...I think she hurt it...something's wrong..." Piper seemed confused, but I saw a deep fear in her eyes...a knowing fear.  
  
"Phoebe, are you hurt?" Prue asked, and I immediately shook my head, hoping that the conversation would end here. I saw Prue give Piper another look and then she walked towards me...  
  
"No! Stop!" I screamed, and Prue stopped in her tracks. "Please, leave me alone...I didn't do anything." Still, I saw Prue's face, and she wasn't going to give up until she saw what Piper had explained.  
  
"Phoebe, just let me see. If you're hurt, we can help." I just stared at Prue and continued to hold my arms. Suddenly, Prue was beside me trying to roll up the sleeves of my shirt. Screeching, I rolled over, covering Jim's present with my pillow as I did. Even though my treasure was safe for the moment, I yelped out as I hit the floor.  
  
"Owww..." I wined, giving Prue a death stare. As I started to get up, Piper was next to me, pushing me back down and holding me there. "Piper! Get off!" I demanded, but she held on tight.  
  
"I know what I saw Phoebe...why won't you just show us if nothing's wrong?" she whispered in my ear, and I knew it was hopeless. As Prue kneeled down next to us I gave up all hope. Going limp, I stared at Piper with hate as Prue pried my arm away from my body and started to roll up my sleeve. The room went silent as Prue and Piper looked at my arm, and then Piper rolled up my other sleeve...both, covered with scars.  
  
"Phoebe..." I looked up at Prue, tears now falling from my eyes. Then, I looked over at Piper. She seemed horrified and looked at me in shock. I just stared at her with hatred, and then got up to run. As I reached the door two arms encircled me from behind and pulled me back.  
  
"Let me go!" I screamed, putting up as much of a fight as I could muster...but it wasn't very much. I found myself thrown on the bed, and as I landed the pillow flew off to reveal Jim's present...I starred at it, knowing that it was all over, and I couldn't help but cry. Curling up into a ball, I started to bawl, and I didn't stop. My sisters sat on either side of me, crying as well, and wrapping their arms around me and each other.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	4. A Way Out

Troubled Times Part 4 By: Silverstar  
  
Yay! The fourth part! Thanks to all who reviewed. I luv you guys for it. ^__^ I have to say I was very happy with your responses.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed...*sigh*  
  
**********  
  
As I sat on my bed, curled up into a ball, I felt despair, hopelessness, and sadness wash over me. I also felt the hatred and anger I had for my sisters grow inside of me...they had ruined everything. Looking up through blurry eyes, I pushed at my sisters to go away, but they held onto me tightly.  
  
"No! Let go!" I sobbed, rushing to get up and run for the door. A moment later I was pulled back as Prue's arms wrapped around me and pulled me next to her on the bed. I wouldn't be able to escape. Looking up, I saw that Prue and Piper still had a few lone tears falling down their cheeks and that they were looking at each other...both were probably wondering what they were going to do with me. Not bothering to wipe the tears from my eyes, I pulled my sleeves back down and then leaned over to set my head on my knees. What was I going to do? Both of my sisters were sitting right there, watching me like a hawk. There was no way that I could get away...They'd take everything Jim sent me...I'm sure they would...But, hey, that's not all of it. Half is still in the bag...under my bed. I had shoved it pretty hard under there, under some blankets and such. Knowing my sisters, they'd probably search my room...I just had to think of a way to get it out before they searched everything. My mind raced with theories on how to get the bag, but mostly what I thought of in those long five minutes was Jim. I'd never tell them about him...they'd never get to him. I wouldn't betray him...and even if my sisters locked me up without any drugs, or fresh air, or beer, or anything...I'd always have him in my heart. Sooner or later, he'd have to come for me...he'd find a way to get in touch. Looking up, I realized that Prue and Piper had left the room, and were standing down the hall whispering quietly. Looking over, I noticed that Prue had taken every single bottle on the bed with her. This was my chance! Reaching under my bed, I pulled out the bag and separated the amount into six different piles. The first pile I hid inside of a sock, the next in the compartment of a purse, the third inside the sheet covering my mattress, the fourth in the bottom of the tissue box, the fifth inside a computer disk holder, and the last in the back of my closet inside the pocket of an old pair of overalls that I had thrown in the back corner of the closet before I had left for New York. All this I had done in the span of two minutes, and when I was done I sat down on my bed with relief. Maybe they wouldn't find all of them. As my breathing slowed I could still hear Piper and Prue down the hall talking quietly...they were probably discussing what they were going to do with me...great. Standing up and wiping the tears off my face, I walked over to my open door and strained to listen.  
  
"How long do you think Prue?" Piper asked.  
  
"Probably the whole time she was here...maybe beforehand too..."  
  
"Then why would she come back home?" Piper asked, and I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. This conversation was going to lead to a phone call to Cassie...She'd tell them about Jim...No...  
  
"Piper...it doesn't matter how or why at the moment...we just have to keep her from this stuff," Prue said, lifting the bag of my precious gift from Jim up for her to see.  
  
"I still can't believe..."  
  
"I know, I know," Prue whispered and there was a pause, probably a moment where Prue and Piper had hugged. "First thing's first. We have to call Darryl, see if he can help us. Then, I think we should call Cassie. She probably knows something...We need to help Phoebe...this stuff could be doing some real damage to her." Wait...why was I waiting here listening to their conversation? Closing and locking my door quickly, I pulled out my cell phone and called Matt. He had slipped me his number the night before. I didn't want to call Jim, his shop, or his club...they might get a hold of my phone and trace the call.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Matt? It's Phoebe," I said urgently, keeping my voice low, but barely stopping myself from crying.  
  
"Phoebe? What's wrong?" he asked, full attention on me.  
  
"My sisters found the bag," I whispered. "I still have half hidden around my room, but they're going to search it. I won't be able to contact anyone -" *BANG**BANG**BANG*  
  
"Phoebe! Open the door!" Prue shouted from the other side. Oh, great.  
  
"Matt, tell Jim it's a 911. I can't get out...give him my love..." *BANG* Quickly turning off the phone, I threw it on the chair beside my bed as Prue finished picking the lock and barged into the room. I was halfway out the window, but Piper and Prue pulled me back in. "Let go!" I screamed, kicking and struggling as I was pulled back in and the window was shut and locked.  
  
"Phoebe! Phoebe!" Prue shouted at me, but I continued to struggle. If I was going down, I'd go down fighting. After a few minutes I tired, and slowly quieted down. Prue and Piper had held my arms back the whole time, and continued to do so until I stopped moving all together. "Come on," Prue insisted. "You're coming downstairs with us." There was no use in fighting the inevitable, so I let my sisters lead me downstairs and place me on the couch. I silently watched as Prue picked up the phone to call...Darryl...who the hell was he? Piper got on the other line to listen, and I sat there, Prue eyeing me with a "move and die" look.  
  
"Hey, Darryl? It's Prue," Prue stated.  
  
"Piper too," I heard Piper say from the cord phone in the hallway.  
  
"Yeah, we have a favor to ask you..." I tuned out as Prue and Piper talked with this guy...I didn't really have any interest in the matter. I just kept thinking about Jim. I hope he'd get my message... Looking up, I realized that my sisters had hung up the phones and were standing in front of me. I tried to focus on them, but my mind was so hard to control these days.  
  
"Phoebe..." Piper whispered, and I realized that they must have been trying to get my attention for a while. I looked up and over at her, and I saw the tears threatening to overflow from her eyes. Still, I knew my eyes probably scared her more than hers scared me. I could feel the sorrow, anger, and hopelessness emanating from them. I hadn't spoken to my sisters at all...except when I had shouted for them to leave me alone earlier. Looking back down, I decided it would be best if I kept it that way. I didn't speak to my sisters and I didn't resist when they took me upstairs and locked me in Piper's room. I was just so tired...I hadn't eaten in days and all I wanted to do was sleep. I jumped in surprise when Kit jumped on top of me from a chair beside Piper's bed. She must've accidentally got locked in here with me. I gently stroked her soft fur and listened to the sound of her purring.  
  
"Oh, Kit. What am I going to do?" Picking up the little cat, I hugged her closely as I laid down on the bed. I could hear Prue and Piper down the hall searching my room, and only a few moments ago I had heard someone at the door...must be that guy called Darryl. I just hope they didn't bother me for a while...I wanted to be alone. Suddenly, I heard the lock of the door move, and I knew all of my luck had run out. The door slowly swung open and there stood Piper and a tall black strong-looking guy in a suit. He looked at me for a moment...mostly like he was judging me, and then followed Piper into the room, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Phoebe, this is Darryl. He's an Inspector from the Police Station and a friend of ours."  
  
"Hi Phoebe. I just wanted to give you a drug and alcohol test," Darrel said gently...but he was a cop. I don't trust cops. He'll lock me up...  
  
"No...Stay away from me," I seethed, backing away from him until I hit the end of the bed, Kit still in my arms.  
  
"Phoebe, he's not going to hurt you. Darryl promised that he'd help us. He's going to take everything we find in your room away and he's not going to charge you with anything. We're going to keep you safe." I looked at Piper, and then at the cop, but I didn't trust any of them. The only people I could trust were Jim, and myself. After a few minutes I gave up, knowing they'd never leave me alone, and I took Darryl's damn drug test. Of course, I came up positive, but I guess he had to do it as a formality. After we were finished Piper and Darryl left, locking the door behind them. They were probably going to help Prue search my room. Great...a cop in my room...*sigh* The whole time I hadn't let go of Kit, and she had sat contently in my arms...Just looking at her made me think of Katri, then of Cassie, and then of Jim. Prue and Piper were going to call Cassie...I just hope she didn't have any info on Jim that would get him in trouble. I sat up for an hour thinking and praying that things would be alright...I didn't see how they could be, but maybe...I sighed in despair as I rolled over on my side and sat Kit down to pet her. In a few moments, I was asleep. Upon waking I found that it was seven o'clock...I had slept all day. It almost seems like all I do is sleep now days...I smiled at Kit, who was sleeping beside me and bent down to kiss her in the head. Looking over, I saw that the door to Piper's room was unlocked and open. Sighing in relief, I heaved myself off of Piper's bed and made my way to my room. Of course, I didn't like what I found in there. Prue and Piper were both sitting on my bed, and quickly looked up when I walked in. I had already turned around and was heading out of there when I felt someone grab my hand from behind and turn me around...Prue.  
  
"Phoebe, please don't leave. We need to talk," Prue whispered. As weak as I was, I couldn't stop her from leading me over to the bed and sitting me between Piper and herself.  
  
"We talked to Cassie," Piper whispered, and I continued to look down at my lap, my heart pounding. "She told us she had sent you here to protect you...to keep you away from whatever you were taking...and to keep you away from the person who had been supplying it to you." Silence filled the room and I silently thanked my quick head for calling Matt before. Receiving my message, Jim would lay low for a while...he'd be safe.  
  
"Phoebe, is a lousy guy really worth your health...your life?" Prue asked, bringing her hand to my chin and lifting my head up so I was looking at her.  
  
"You...you don't understand," I said bitterly, staring at her with anger.  
  
"What don't I understand?" Prue asked. "Tell me...we can help you Phoebe. We can." I looked at my big sister for a moment, I glimmer of hope growing within me...but in a second it died away, and I lowered my head again.  
  
"No one can help me. Just leave me alone," I whispered. In a few minutes my sisters silently left, closing the door behind them. Going over to lock it, I realized that they had taken the lock out...They'd be able to come in whenever they wanted to 'check' on me...Walking over to my two windows, I gasped when I saw that they were heavily padlocked...There was no way that I'd be able to get out...I was trapped in hell. Sighing to myself, I quickly went around my room to check all of the hiding places. That guy Darryl must be a good cop...the only pile of drugs left were the ones inside of the sock in my underwear drawer. At least I had put one of my needles in with this pile...Not wanting to test my luck, I quickly shoved it all back into the sock, closed the drawer, and went to pick up my phone. There was a blinking light on it...I quickly picked it up to see that I had received an instant message:  
  
Phoebe, it's Matt. I called Jim after you got in touch with me and he said not to worry. He'd lay low for a while. He sends his love and told me to tell you that if you absolutely need to talk to call this number: 435- 7669. It's not safe to contact me anymore, but that line is secure. Don't worry Phoebe, in time Jim'll get you out of this.  
  
My frown turned into a smile as I read Matt's message. He was right...it wasn't safe to call him any longer. Luckily, when I had called him earlier I had slipped his number into my pocket...Prue, Piper, and Darryl didn't have it. Reaching my hand into my pocket, I took out the piece of paper and tore it into tiny pieces. After throwing the microscopic pieces into the trash can, I memorized the number Matt had given me and deleted the message from my phone. After putting the phone down I walked over to sit by my window. Looking out, I smiled at the neighborhood. I had forgotten how peaceful and homely this place was...But even as a kid I felt the need to get out...just as now. Placing my hand on the glass, I watched some of the kids riding their bikes down the sidewalks and the happy families talking over their fences to their neighbors...why couldn't my childhood have been like that? The only family that I had now was Jim...and he was taken away from me. Hearing a noise behind me, I looked around my shoulder to see Piper standing there holding a tray of food...She always brought me meals even though she knew that I never ate them.  
  
"Hey Phoebs...I brought you dinner. You should eat something...you're too thin." I looked again at Piper and the tray of food before turning my attention back to the window. I wish I could get out...I wish I could run away and leave this place behind me...but I couldn't. I'd never get away again. "I'll...I'll leave it here on your desk," Piper said slowly before setting down the tray and leaving the room. Looking over, I saw that she had made me a light sandwich with toasted bread and turkey...she must've known I didn't feel well. Walking over, I picked up the bottled water and took a sip...It tasted so good. A moment later I sat back by my window with my water and continued to look at all the happy people and families in the neighborhood.  
  
The next time I looked at the clock it was twelve. Getting up, I picked up the empty water bottle and the tray of food Piper had brought for me earlier. Quietly, I opened my door and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Once there , I threw away the uneaten sandwich, the water bottle and washed off the plate that the food had been on. Feeling tired, I slowly walked over to sit in a chair at the table. It was actually kind of peaceful down here at night with no one around. I sat there for a while, drinking in the silence and the serenity when I heard a noise to my left. Looking over, I saw Piper near the stove making tea. She hadn't seemed to notice me, but then I hadn't bothered to turn the lights on. Neither had she. She just stood there, waiting for the water to get hot and not moving at all...I watched her for a while, but then got bored and drew my attention to the window. It was dark out, but I liked staring up at the star-filled sky...After a few moments I heard a clunk and looked down to see a mug of tea sitting in front of me...I guess Piper had seen me after all. Looking up at her, I saw her give me a forced smile and then she sat down across from me with her own mug. Picking up the mug, I felt the warmth of the liquid and took a small sip...as the hot tea washed down my throat I felt a feeling of comfort and peace come over me. I took in a deep breath and set down the mug in front of me, still keeping my hands on the hot handle. I looked at Piper for a moment...She was taking a sip of her tea and starring off into space...thinking. I smiled, appreciating the silence, and receded into my own thoughts. What was going to happen to me now? I didn't know...I'm sure my sisters didn't know either. I...I just wanted peace...that's what I wanted. Jim had given me that...he had given me peace. Without him...without the gift and the curse that he had given me...I felt lost and confused. I hardly noticed the few lone tears that fell down my cheeks, and continued to drink the tea that Piper had given to me. We sat in silence drinking our tea for about an hour, and when my mug was empty I finally got pulled out of my thoughts to see Piper looking at me. I looked back at her, staring into her eyes for an answer...why? Why was this happening to me? She just looked at me sadly and then placed her hand on mine in a comforting way. Piper...why did she care so much?  
  
"Piper...thanks," I whispered, and I think my voice and reaction surprised her a little. She stared at me for a second before giving me a genuine smile and squeezing my hand. I glanced at her one last time before putting my mug in the dishwasher and making my way upstairs. Once in my room I shut the door and tumbled into bed. The tea had made me calm and sleepy. The next morning I woke up around eight and looked around. The door to my room was open as well as the curtains on my window, letting the sun in. Someone had been into my room...*sigh* They probably wanted the door open to keep an eye on me...then again, it was probably Prue. Piper seemed pretty understanding. She'd let me have my privacy. Sitting up, I felt a wave of dizziness and quickly lay back down on my pillow.  
  
"Woah..." Closing my eyes, I waited a few minutes before attempting to get up again. This time I sat up more slowly and had no problems. Realizing that I still had my clothes on from yesterday, I grabbed an old pair of jeans and a sweatshirt from my closet, along with two pairs of socks from my drawer, and made my way to the bathroom. It being Monday, Prue was already downstairs reading the morning paper and Piper was making coffee and breakfast. Relieved that the bathroom door still had a lock, I quickly locked it and got into the shower. The cool water felt good and refreshed me somewhat. I got out quickly, but still let the water run while I opened up one of my socks to reveal what I had hidden from the enemy...my gifts from Jim. Smiling, I fumbled with the drugs and quickly took some. I could feel the effects almost immediately, and I sighed in relief. Looking at the watch that I had brought in with me, I figured that my usual time was up, and I shut off the water. Quickly, I got dressed and brushed my teeth. I felt happier already. Gathering up all my supplies, I unlocked the door and headed back to my room. I safely placed the sock back in the drawer and threw my other clothes in the dirty hamper. Looking around, I saw my brush on my desk and picked it up to brush out my hair. Looking out the window, I saw that Prue had left, and I knew it was safe to go downstairs. Everything would be all right...as long as I didn't use up what I had. Matt said that Jim would eventually come for me...or help me out. I just had to hold out until then. I slowly descended into the family room since I heard Piper in the kitchen, and sat down on the couch. Tired, happy, and lazy, I turned on the TV and started flipping channels. Nothing was really on, so I settled on the News, and sat back to watch. Only five minutes later, Piper came in with water, coffee, and some toast. I watched as she set the tray down on the table, took a quick glance at me, and then retreated back to the kitchen. I was sure Prue had told her to keep an eye on me...Looking at the food, I decided I couldn't risk eating it, but grabbed the water. Besides, I felt so good at the moment anyway...I wasn't hungry or anything...I was content. The rest of the day I was happy just lying around the house, taking in the effect of the dosage from earlier that morning. Around eleven I had retreated to my room where I sat in a stupor on my bed, thinking of Jim and using my new high to imagine fantasies with him. Later when Piper came in with lunch I barely noticed her, and ignored her offering of food. I didn't want her, I didn't want Prue, I didn't want food...I just wanted Jim. It wasn't till around nine that night when I lied back and fell into a fitful sleep. Both Prue and Piper had come in to see me and offer me food, but I had ignored them and continued to think about Jim. I thought about what he was doing at an exact moment, and if he was thinking of me. I could practically see his eyes, his smile, his body...With a jolt I woke up around twelve. Whatever dream had awakened me, I knew it must've been bad, for I was shaking and sweating...no, it wasn't a dream. My high was just ending, and I could feel the depression that came with it descend upon me. Bringing my knees up to my chin and holding them with my arms, I gently rocked back and forth and began to cry. Why did I feel this way...I know...I felt this way because deep down I knew that I'd probably never see Jim again...I'd be trapped here for eternity. My life was over, and there was nothing I could do about it. Except...well, I could go out with a bang. Yes, that's right. I just needed more...I needed it all. If it stopped this pain...if it stopped my agony. Slowly, I got up and pulled everything I had hid from my sisters out of my drawer.  
  
"Oh, God...Jim, please understand," I whispered as I made my way back onto my bed and sat down. Pulling up my sleeve, I looked at my arm and then back at the long needle. Yes...he'd understand. There was no way out of this hellhole...I might as well enjoy a few hours of my time here before the end. Taking a deep breath, I shakily opened a bottle and stuck the needle it, taking up all that was in it. Slowly, I placed the needle into my arm and started to push...  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
... he....he...*grimace* Please don't hate me, but it felt right to end it here. I know some of you may be wondering about Phoebe and her connections and feelings towards her sisters. Sometimes she's happy and wants to believe in them, and other times all she can think about is her psycho boyfriend. The drugs are playing tricks with her mind, making her indecisive and her emotions are on a roller coaster. Please be patient with her. Okays? ^^ 


	5. Unwanted Help

Troubled Times Part 5 By: Silverstar  
  
Yes, I know I know I was evil for leaving you all with that cliffhanger...and I have to admit that I'm creeping myself out a little. Thanx to all who reviewed. This story is getting a little too creepy for my tastes, but I'm going to continue anyways. Sometimes you can't really control in which direction a story will take you...sometimes it just writes itself. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Charmed or any of the characters...^^'  
  
**********  
  
"Oh, God...Jim, please understand," I whispered as I made my way back onto my bed and sat down. Pulling up my sleeve, I looked at my arm and then back at the long needle. Yes...he'd understand. There was no way out of this hell hole...I might as well enjoy a few hours of my time here before the end. Taking a deep breath, I shakily opened a bottle and stuck the needle it, taking up all that was in it. Slowly, I placed the needle into my arm and started to push...  
  
~~  
  
*BAM* I fell backwards onto my bed as a large unknown force hit me from the front. As I went flying backwards my drugs and needle went flying out of my hands and onto the floor. Dizziness engulfed me for a moment from the sudden movement and I moaned as I closed my eyes and tried to come to my senses...what the heck had just happened?! In a few seconds I opened blurry eyes and saw a figure on top of me. Shaking my head, I tried to clear my vision, but then realized that it was just tears falling from my eyes. I slowly wiped them away and focused to see...Prue...my big sister was sitting on top of me, panting and furious. My hands shaking, I tried to back away and get up, but Prue wouldn't let me go.  
  
"Phoebe! Where did you get this stuff!" she yelled, motioning to my treasure on the floor. I just starred at her in shock, tears coming to my eyes because now I knew I'd never escape... "Phoebe, answer me!" she yelled, shaking my shoulders with her hands. At this point I heard Piper running down the hallway, and I couldn't stop the tears.  
  
"Prue...stop," I whispered, but maybe Prue had lost it. "Why, Phoebe? Why?! Do you want to die? Because I'm sure you were just about to overdose! What is wrong with you? Do you want to die?...Do you..." I starred at Prue as she began to cry and Piper pulled her off of me, wrapping her in her arms. I stared at my sisters and then at the needle and drugs on the floor. It was calling for me...I needed it! And hey, if I did overdose, at least I wouldn't be a bother to them anymore. They'd probably be glad if I was gone...yeah, they would. Glancing at my sisters, my muscles tensed, and then I lunged. Victory! Grabbing onto the needle, I quickly jammed it into my arm, but a second later I felt the cool steel being pulled away, and I was pushed backwards...*THUMP* I starred up through blurry eyes at Prue before everything went black.  
  
The first thing I noticed was the pounding in my head...Oh, it hurt so much. I think...I was on a bed, because I could feel the soft pillows under me and the blankets surrounding me. Oh, but my head...I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes, so I just listened. I heard quiet breathing, and felt a hand in mine. Moaning a little, I slowly opened my eyes and was thankful that the lights were out and the curtains were closed. Looking over to my right, I saw Prue sitting in a chair next to the bed...it was her hand that I felt. I was in Piper's room, yet again. It made sense, since her room was closest to mine. Prue was looking at me quietly and intently, and I returned the stare. Then, everything came back to me...why I was here, what had happened. My eyes went wide, as I rushed to sit up, but Prue didn't have to push me back down. My head started to pound and I fell back on my own. The room seemed to be spinning...that couldn't be good.  
  
"Phoebe, relax," Prue whispered. I took in a few deep breaths while closing my eyes, and in a few minutes I opened them again to a room that was no longer spinning.  
  
"You..." I said softly, but angrily. I didn't have any strength. "You pushed me?! You..." I couldn't seem to get the thoughts out of my head, so I just gave up and looked down. Prue's wretched hand was still in mind, and I wanted to claw her away...but I couldn't. I hadn't eaten anything for weeks...My body was only being sustained through the drugs I had been taking, the beer I had been drinking, and the occasional piece of toast that Piper had forced on me. Looking up at Prue, I gave her a cruel glare and then reached up with my unoccupied hand to touch my head.  
  
"When I pushed you away from the drugs you hit your head pretty hard...I'm sorry," Prue whispered, and I felt a large bump on the back of my head. Looking over at the clock, I saw that it was one thirty the next afternoon...Prue had stayed home from work. "How do you feel?" I stared up at my sister in shock and then looked away.  
  
"I feel like hell. Where's Piper?"  
  
"She had to go into work today since she didn't yesterday." Great...I was home alone with her.  
  
"You can let go of me now," I spat, staring down at my hand. I watched as Prue slowly freed her fingers from mine and I immediately brought my arm over across my stomach.  
  
"Phoebe...we need to talk," Prue said softly, and I continued to stare across the room. "Phoebe..." There was a long pause until I heard Prue get up. "Get some rest...we'll talk tonight when Piper gets home." I watched as Prue left, leaving the door open, and retreated into her own room. For the rest of the day I laid there dozing off and on. Prue came in once with lunch, but the only thing I put in my mouth was the Advil that she brought with it. Around five I was waking from a short doze to hear Piper talking to Prue across the hall. A few seconds later she came in and shook her head at the tray of uneaten food.  
  
"Phoebe, you have to eat something," she insisted as she sat on the chair placed next to me. I just looked at her, and then down at my lap. "Phoebs...you really scared me...you scared me to death. If Prue hadn't been passing by to go get some water...you probably wouldn't be here right now. Why Phoebe? Do...do you want to join Grams and Mom? Do you?" Surprised, I looked up at my sister and saw her struggling to hold back tears.  
  
"Piper...I...You...you don't understand." I frowned as Piper took my hand in both of hers and squeezed it gently.  
  
"Tell me Phoebe...tell me." I noticed that Prue had entered the room, but I didn't have the energy to do anything about it. I glanced over at her, a frown still on my face. I must look pathetic to her...all skin and bones...I didn't have anything anymore...  
  
"I need it Piper...I need it to live. You don't understand...Please, give it back. I need it." I felt the tears coming, and let them fall as I pleaded with my sister. Maybe she'd understand...maybe she'd give it back.  
  
"No, Phoebe, you don't need it," Piper returned, and I shook my head in anguish.  
  
"Yes I do!" I said as loudly as I could, which wasn't very loud. "Please..." At this point I let myself break down and started to sob. Piper took me in her arms and gently pulled my hair out of my face, soothing me as best she could. Still, nothing would ever be the same. The only way I could see to get out was to overdose and...die...but now they wouldn't even let me do that. They wouldn't let me stop the pain...the hurt...the agony. I still remember when I was quite small...I use to feel so safe in Piper's arms...I use to feel so loved in Prue's...But things change with time. I wasn't that little girl, alone and scared, anymore...I was an adult, capable of making my own decisions. Why did they insist on treating me as a child? Still, I found myself sobbing on Piper's shoulders. I didn't have the strength to push her away, and even if I did, I don't think I would have used it.  
  
"Phoebe...It doesn't have to be this way," Prue whispered, sitting on my other side and stroking my hair as I cried. "We can help you get your life back. I know you're tired, fragile, and depressed...But all of that can change. Can't you see that these chemicals have consumed you? When you came back I didn't expect you to be the same person...but I expected you to at least be recognizable. You look so thin and so defeated. In time, you could overcome this. I know you could." I looked up at my big sister through blurry tears and around Piper's arms...but I just shook my head.  
  
"I don't want to overcome this Prue," I cried, shaking off Piper's arms. She lessened her grip on me and lowered them slightly, allowing me to sit up, but she didn't let go all together. "When I found Jim I found family...I found the love of my life...I found purpose. My purpose is to be with him. He's given me friendship, love, trust, family...so much. The first night he gave me that needle I was scared...I admit it. But now I accept and embrace the fact that he chose me...he loved me so much that he wanted to share his treasure with me. I love his gift with all my heart, and I couldn't give it up. Giving it up would mean that I've discarded him...and I can't do that. He took me in when I needed guidance, and I've followed him. I'll follow him to my death...and if I can't be with him, then I'd rather die by the means of his gift to me." I stared at Prue through my tears and watched the shocked expression on her face. I knew it...she wouldn't understand. Drying my eyes, I was about to get up when Piper wrapped her arms tighter around me from behind and pulled me close.  
  
"Phoebe...we've all been to that place when we feel alone and need guidance," Piper whispered in my ear. "Unfortunately, instead of turning to us, you turned away from us. Turn to us now. Please...you're my little sister. It breaks my heart to hear you talk like that. Listen to me!" Piper grabbed my chin and twisted it so my eyes met hers. "Think back to the days when we were happy...I know you use to love and trust in us wholeheartedly...Dig deep inside of yourself. I know those feelings are buried in there, but you're just too afraid to unleash them. Instead, you turn to Jim." I looked into Piper's eyes, and I saw the love and determination that they held.  
  
"You know, I'm not a child anymore," I told her, trying to shrug off her arms. "A kiss and a hug isn't going to solve my problems or make everything okay."  
  
"We know that," Prue said, pulling me out of Piper's grasp and into her own. "But it's the first step." Sighing in frustration and defeat, I laid my head on Prue's shoulders and shut my eyes.  
  
"I don't think I have the strength Prue...I'm not strong enough to give it all up. I depend on it so much...I depend on him." I felt Prue rub my back gently as I took in a few deep breaths and fell asleep in her arms.  
  
The events of the other night had exhausted me, and the bump on the back of my head was painful enough that I wanted to sleep, so I slept the rest of the day and the night away. It was only at seven the next morning that I opened my eyes to murmurings outside Piper's room. The door was open, so I could clearly see Piper and Prue out there whispering. Shaking my head, I gathered my strength to lift myself up into a sitting position. Oh God...I felt sick.  
  
"Prue..." I called out as loudly as I could, covering my mouth with my hand. At the tiny sound of my voice Prue came running, and seemed to see what the problem was. Placing her two arms underneath me, she easily picked up my small bony body, and rushed me to the bathroom. Once there, she gently set me on the floor and held back my hair as I puked up all the water or liquid I had drank in the past 48 hours. Luckily, that wasn't very much, but instead I sat there gagging over the toilet, not being able to catch my breath as my stomach heaved and convulsed.  
  
"Withdraw," I heard Prue whisper to Piper, who had followed behind her, and I moaned as I held my stomach and tried to breathe.  
  
"We need to take her to the hospital Prue...she needs medical attention." My eyes widened at the thought, but because of the excessive gagging, I couldn't speak. After ten minutes that seemed like eternity, my stomach quieted down, and Prue and Piper carried me...into my room. What a surprise. They had cleaned it up, taking down any reminders from my life in New York. I was thankful for my own bed, but my head hurt so badly, that I couldn't speak. I was sure that just the sound of my voice would tear my head apart. I watched as my sisters stared at each other, and the Prue nodded.  
  
"You're right," she whispered, probably realizing that I had a headache from the fact that I was rubbing my temples with both of my index and middle fingers. "Even if we could get her to eat, she'd just throw it back up again. We'll have to put her into the hospital until the withdraw settles down and she gains some weight." I looked at my sisters with fear and silently wished that James were here. I needed him.  
  
"I'll go call the hospital," Piper said, grabbing Prue's hand with hers and giving it a squeeze. "Can you get Phoebe up and out to the car?" I watched as Prue nodded and then Piper went out the door. I stared up at Prue, fear in my eyes, and she looked back at me, a fake smile on her face.  
  
"It's going to be alright," Prue whispered, coming over to put some socks and shoes on my feet. I could tell that Prue didn't like hospitals very much...She probably didn't trust them after Grams and Mom and everything. I let Prue ease me to my feet, but as soon as I was up a wave of dizziness surrounded me. Falling to my knees, I closed my eyes and expected to hit the floor...but Prue was holding me up. I leaned most of my weight on her and allowed her to slowly lead me downstairs and to the car. Once there, she put me in the back seat and pulled out a bag from under the front passenger seat...incase I felt sick again. "Sit tight Phoebs, I'll be right back," she whispered and shut the door behind her as she walked back into the house. Uh...I felt like I was going to die, right there and then. If I was going to die, I'd like to at least have a feel-good death...my drugs...I wanted them...I craved for them. In a few seconds my sisters came out of the house with their jackets and Prue climbed into the driver's seat...she was the fastest driver. Piper climbed in the left backseat door besides me, and took me in her arms. I leaned my head on her shoulder and just took in deep breaths.  
  
"Hold on Phoebs, we're going to get you help," Piper reassured me as Prue backed up out of the driveway and sped to the hospital. The movement of the vehicle was disorienting for me, and I felt myself getting dizzy every time the car turned. At these moments I clung to Piper's arm, closed my eyes, and started to breathe in deeply. The ride seemed long, but short too. It was only about a ten-minute drive...well, that was with Prue driving. Once there I was surprised that medics and a hospital cart were waiting for me. They pulled me right out of Piper's grasp, placed me on the cart, and before I knew it I was being wheeled into a hospital room, my sisters no where in sight. With the excitement, movement, and noise, my head started to pound excessively, and I sighed in relief as I felt myself start to black out.  
  
Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Oh, that sound...It made my head pound. Beep...Beep...Beep...Why wouldn't it stop?  
  
"Turn it off," I whispered, my head aching and my mind groggy.  
  
"We can't turn that off Ms. Halliwell," I very distant voice said. "It tells us if your heart is beating regularly." Confused and tired, I very slowly opened my eyes to see a fuzzy room. After blinking a few times I found myself looking up at a doctor. "Hello Phoebe, my name's Doctor Samantha Scott, but if you want you can call me Sami." I stared up at a woman of medium height, with short brown hair and brown eyes. She was smiling down at me and had a clipboard in her hand. Okay...where the heck was I? Looking around, I saw that I was in a hospital room. The bed to the left of me had no one in it, the lights were on and bright, and the shades on the window were pulled up, giving me a full view of the backyard of the hospital. Looking down, I saw all kinds of tubes and IVs going into my arms and I noticed that for the first time in a long time, I was wearing short sleeves. It bothered me..."You're in the Rehab Wing of San Francisco Hospital," Doctor Scott told me, and I brought my attention back to her.  
  
"What time is it, where are my sisters?" I asked weakly, hoping for some answers. A lost and depressed feeling washed over me, and I wanted to calm my nerves. My doctor just smiled and started to write down info on her clipboard.  
  
"It is 10:30 AM, the day after you were brought here. You may feel a little groggy. We gave you medicine so you would sleep and gather your strength. You're going to need it. As for your sisters, I scooted them out of here just ten minutes ago so they'd go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat." I looked over to the door leading outside of my room, but Prue and Piper weren't there...would they be back soon? I didn't like this place...The smiley Sami lady was too nice...I didn't trust her "Don't worry, they'll be back soon. Anyway, while you're here I'll be the one looking after you and helping you regain your health, and your life." I stared up coldly at the way-too-happy lady and thought that she should thank God that I was too weak to strangle her.  
  
"Leave me alone, I don't need help," I spat, and then looked back down at my lap. "Everything would be fine if -"  
  
"If you had a needle in your arm?" she asked, and I just glared at the end of my bed. "Phoebe, the first step you must take is what I like to call The Leap of Faith. Life can be very enjoyable and rewarding without drugs. The next few days are going to be hard on you, but once you get through them we can start your recovery. Until then, you are to eat three meals a day and are to have no visitors besides immediate family. Once the side effects of withdraw are over we'll put you on a more nutritiously well- rounded diet, and you'll be involved in therapy, as well as group therapy." I silently waited until the happy lady was done talking and finished writing things down on her clipboard. "Get some rest," she instructed before she gave me one last smile and left the room. The Leap of Faith...hmmnn...No, I don't think so. I had to get out of here! Only a few seconds later I heard Piper and Prue's voices in the hallway, and knew they were approaching. When Prue and Piper entered, I slowly looked over at them, and they both stopped in their tracks. After staring at me in shock for a moment, huge relieved smiles appeared on both of their faces and they come rushing over to me.  
  
"Phoebe, we were so worried!" Piper exclaimed, and I grimaced at her voice.  
  
"Not so loud...please, not so loud," I whispered, and both of my sisters became quiet for a moment.  
  
"Phoebs...we're just glad you're awake," Prue said quietly, and placed her hand on the side of my head. "Oh, we should get the doctor -"  
  
"No, she was here when I woke up," I said bitterly, and Piper and Prue exchanged glances.  
  
"What's wrong...you didn't like her?" Piper asked, and I shook my head slightly.  
  
"Way too happy," I said gruffly, and my sisters smiled. "Besides...I...I..." I stopped short and looked down at my lap, tears coming to my eyes.  
  
"It's okay Phoebe, we'll be here for you the whole time," Piper said softly and I nodded. After a few more minutes I settled back and my sisters let me close my eyes and stayed quiet. It wasn't that I was tired...I had gotten enough sleep in the past week to last me a year. It was just that I didn't feel so well...I just wanted to rest. It was about two hours later that I heard a cart enter my room, and opened my eyes to see a nurse with a tray of food. All of the food was light, like toast and crackers, and soup, but it was food nonetheless. Prue and Piper watched me with amusement as I moaned and turned my nose away from the nauseating smell. Still, I couldn't fight it when the nurse helped me sit up in bed and placed the tray down in front of me.  
  
"Let's see...Phoebe," the nurse said as she looked on her clipboard. "Hi, my name's Jamie, and I'm the nurse for this section. Welcome." I gave her a look and she laughed. "Yes, I know most people aren't that happy to be here, but try to bear with us. I know it'll be hard, but you're going to have to eat as much as you can." Then, Jamie turned to Prue and Piper. "Ms. Halliwell and...well, Ms. Halliwell. Can I talk to you both outside?" I watched as my sisters left with her and I stared down at the food. There was no way. In about five minutes Prue and Piper returned and each sat on either side of me.  
  
"What did she say?" I asked, trying to stall eating the food in front of me.  
  
"She said that you're not going to eat on your own, so we have to force you," Prue said, and I glared at her. "She also said you'd probably lash back with mean looks and comments." I sighed and looked to Piper, pleading her with my eyes.  
  
"Also, she said because of withdraw that you might get sick after you eat, but that's normal for the first few days. There's a handy bucket right here," Piper said, pulling a bucket from under my bed and putting it next to me. "Oh, and we're suppose to push this button and call a nurse if you get sick," she added, showing me a little nurse button on the side of my bed. Great...just great.  
  
"Okay Phoebs...eat," Prue instructed and I looked at the food. "Please...for us?" Looking down, I saw that my hands were shaking...both from the withdraw and from the fact that I felt too sick to eat anything. I saw Piper's eyes follow my own to my hands, and she gently reached out and put hers over mine. I looked up into her eyes and she smiled.  
  
"It's just food...and...well, I'm sure it's not half as good as mine, but...you can handle it. You're tough." I smiled at my sister and then looked over at Prue. She had picked up a piece of warm toast . Picking up my hand, she placed the toast in it and then moved it close to my mouth. My stomach was screaming, my hands were shaking, and my head was pounding...Very slowly, I brought the toast to my mouth and forced myself to eat it. After about ten minutes I had eaten it, and Prue had put the second piece in my hand. My stomach still felt woozy, but Piper insisted that I eat more, so I tried the soup and ate a quarter of it before I couldn't eat any more. No matter how much my sisters asked, pleaded, or insisted, I couldn't eat another bite. I felt like I was going to be sick, and the feeling wouldn't go away. Around one thirty Jamie came back in and looked at the plate.  
  
"Pretty good for a first meal," she said, and smiled at me. "You're lucky you have family...a lot of people don't have anyone to get them through the first time." I just looked at her as she took the food away and then at my sisters. They were sitting at a table in the corner pretending to be reading, but I knew they weren't. They were just trying to do something so I wouldn't think that they were just staring at me the whole time. Tired, I used the hand buttons to lower my bed, and closed my eyes. In a few minutes, I was asleep.  
  
"...be...Phoebe..." I opened my eyes and looked up to see Prue standing above me. "Jamie came with food," she said, putting the tray down and helping me sit up. I groaned with protest as Prue helped me up and picked up the tray to put on my lap. A moment later Piper came in with two cokes, and handed one to Prue.  
  
"Hungry?" she asked me hopefully. I just stared at her and then at the food, my stomach turning in protest. Just the sight made me want to...  
  
"Prue..." I whispered, holding my stomach and leaning over. Seeing my predicament, Piper quickly took the tray of food away and Prue set the bucket in front of me. Immediately, my lunch came back out as I gagged and held my stomach in pain. In a few minutes Jamie came in...Piper must've called her. She shooed my sisters out of the way to give me air, and in a few minutes my stomach quieted down.  
  
"Phoebe, you alright?" she asked, handing me a towel to wipe my face and putting her hand on my forehead. I moaned in response, and slipped father down under the covers. She smiled at my reaction, which I didn't find very funny. "Here, after you're done eating I want you to take these pills," she said, setting two pills down on my food tray and placing it back over my lap.  
  
"You still want me to eat that," I said in shock, looking up at Jamie with a disgusted expression. "I feel like I'm going to puke my organs out." She just smiled and nodded.  
  
"Eat what you can. You need your strength. In case you haven't noticed, your weight has fallen under 100." I watched as she turned to leave, bucket in hand, and a few minutes later another nurse came back with a clean one. After placing it at my side she left quickly, and I was alone with my sisters. That was it, I refused. I wouldn't do it. My habits from the past months took over, and I pushed the food away.  
  
"Phoebe," Prue said in a big sister warning voice, but I ignored her and started to look out the window. But...my sisters didn't come over to me this time. Maybe they felt bad since they had just seen me puking my guts out...but they made no more comments about eating. A nurse came in later to gather my tray, but before she did so I took the pills and popped them in my mouth. After lowering my bed back down I closed my eyes and easily drifted off to sleep.  
  
Taking in a deep breath, I opened my eyes to a dimly lit room, only illuminated by the lights on the machinery surrounding me and a small lamp on the table in the corner. I glanced over to see Prue sitting in a chair asleep. Besides her, there was no one else in sight. Looking over at the clock, I saw that it was four in the morning...Why had I woken up...Uhg. Looking down, I saw my hands shaking uncontrollably...wait...it was my whole body. Everything was shaking and I couldn't stop it. Suddenly, a large and unquenchable craving started in the pit of my stomach, and my arms ached, wanting a needle.  
  
"Oh, God...Oh, God..." I whispered, rocking back and forth with my arms crossed in front of me. The craving...it was so strong...Oh, I couldn't handle it. I had to get out...I had to get to Jim...But, alas, I couldn't move. All of my strength and energy were gone. Bringing my shaking hands up to my face, I covered my eyes and started to cry. How...how could I get through this...???...I just couldn't stand it...I'd never survive. Feeling something move beside me, I looked up to see Prue next to me, her arms around my shoulders. I stopped whispering "Oh, God," when I saw her and stared at her helplessly.  
  
"It'll be okay Phoebs, I promise," Prue whispered, and she wrapped her arms around me in a hug.  
  
"How Prue? How?" I whispered back, and moaned in pain, continuing to rock back and forth crying on my big sister's shoulder. After about an hour...oh, an hour that seemed like eternity...the shaking receded somewhat and Prue tucked me back under the covers. "Prue...where's Piper?" I asked, and Prue smiled.  
  
"I convinced her to go home. She was beat." I nodded at Prue's answer, but didn't mention that if Piper was beat, then what was Prue? After a few minutes I slowly fell into a restless and dream-filled sleep...a world where there was Jim, and my sisters...which side would I choose?  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	6. The Phone Call

Troubled Times Part 6 By: Silverstar  
  
Okay, so here's the next part. I hope you all like it. Thanks for the reviews, and I'm sorry I took so long to update, but I was on vacation with my family. We went to Canada and to Plymouth ^^'  
  
Disclaimer: I do not owner Charmed...yeah, well, I'll get over it sooner or later. ^^  
  
**********  
  
The next few days were hard...the hardest days of my life. It was during these days of headaches, nausea, and just plain agony that I thought about Jim. If he cared so much...why wasn't he here? Where was my Prince James? I didn't have the answers, but when I wondered out loud about him I got cruel replies from my sisters.  
  
"Don't worry about him, Phoebe. Why think about the creep that's responsible for you being in here?" Prue told me.  
  
"Let him go Phoebe, and just concentrate on getting better," Piper said kindly, but I couldn't let him go. After about five days the headaches and nausea went away...but the cravings were as strong as ever, and whenever I had cravings in the past the first person I had turned to was Jim. He was still in my heart... It had been about a week since I had gotten into the hospital when Doctor Scott came in one day with a smile. After the throwing up had stopped completely I insisted on both Prue and Piper going back to work, so I was alone in my room. They come over in the afternoons to tell me about their days...whether I want to know or not. Some days I'm just so depressed that I don't want to speak to anyone...Other days I can't wait for one of my sisters to walk through the door. Jamie told me it was normal for my emotions to be wacky, but I hated it. Today was one of my happier days, but my mood turned upside down when I heard what my doctor had to say.  
  
"Good morning Phoebe," she said as usual, checking the equipment attached to me and surveying my breakfast plate. Since the nausea had stopped Prue and Piper had insisted on me eating more, and I was slowly gaining a little weight. "I have good news for you. Tomorrow we're going to take all of this equipment off of you."  
  
"Really?" I asked in amazement. "I can leave?" Sami just laughed, and I felt a dark spirally mood seep into me.  
  
"Tomorrow you're going to start your counseling." I stared at Doctor Scott in shock for a moment before lashing out.  
  
"I don't want counseling! I want to go home!" After saying this I stopped myself short and thought about the words...I hadn't thought of the manner as home for a long time.  
  
"There's no need to get upset, you knew this was coming," she told me, but I just glared at her and then looked out the window.  
  
"You can't make me," I whispered and I was glad that the way-too- happy doctor gave no comment back. Around four Piper walked into my room and came over to me.  
  
"Phoebs, how are you? You okay today?" I gave her a scowl and she sighed. "Yeah...the doctor told me...Well, can't you give it a try? I mean, it couldn't hurt anything." I just stared at Piper for a moment and then continued to look out the window. My mind alone was enough to handle in my head. I didn't want some shrink in there too. "Okay, so you don't want to talk about it. We'll wait till Prue gets here." For the next hour and a half Piper preceded to tell me about her day and about a cute guy named Leo that she had ran into on her way to my room. I had to smile at this, but then I started thinking about Jim, and my mind wandered as Piper started talking about the TV special she had seen the other day. "..be...Phoebe!" I bolted out of my thoughts of Jim to see Piper looking at me exasperated.  
  
"Sorry," I mumbled, and she gave me a sigh. Looking behind her, I saw Prue. She looked upset, so I guess she knew about the whole counseling thing.  
  
"Phoebs...won't you even try it?" Prue asked, and I shook my head, keeping my hands under my blanket so my sisters wouldn't see them shaking. They didn't know that I was still having bad cravings...I didn't want to worry them. "Well, maybe we can make a compromise," Prue mused, and I watched in interest as she left the room in search of my doctor. Twenty minutes later Prue returned, smiling and triumphant.  
  
"What?" Piper asked, and Prue pulled up a chair on the other side of my bed and started to talk.  
  
"I just talked to the doctor and ran an idea by her that I had...and she okayed it. So, the deal would be that Phoebe, you would stay here until your weight goes over 100. Then, you could come home with us and come back to the hospital three times a week for therapy." I still didn't like the idea of talking to a shrink, but at last this way I could go home sooner and stall the whole process. My sisters seemed to be waiting for an answer from me, so I reluctantly shook my head yes and sat back as Prue went to go tell the doctor. Piper just smiled and moved as Jamie came in with my dinner. I had been getting bigger meals for the past few days, and I groaned when I saw the tray. My stomach wasn't use to food at all, let alone large amounts of it. Some habits are hard to break.  
  
"Eat up Phoebe, just seven more pounds to reach 100." Taking a deep breath, I slowly started eating and picking at my food as Jamie left and Prue came back in. I got to hear all about Prue's day at Bucklands and I tried to listen...I really did. But...I just couldn't get my mind off my man. I think my sisters saw that my thoughts were distracting me because as soon as I was done eating they called for the nurse to take my tray and gathered up their belongings to leave.  
  
"Bye Phoebs," Piper said, bending down to kiss me on the forehead. Prue followed suit and I watched as they both left, thankful for the privacy and the peace and quiet. Jim...I wonder where he is...what he has been doing...wait...it was only seven o'clock...the phone lines and visitor hours didn't end till eight. When Jamie had told me about the phones and explained how to work them, I hadn't really thought about using them. I mean...who would I call? 435-7669...yeah, that was the number! Jamie never came in to check on me until nine, to make sure that I was asleep...I could call him now! My heart started pounding as I reached for the phone and started to dial. I knew I shouldn't be doing this...but I couldn't get him out of my head and I had to do something about it. If I wasn't daydreaming about him or thinking about him all throughout the day, I was dreaming of him at night. *RING* *RING* *RING*...  
  
"Hello?" he asked urgently, and I knew at once that he had been waiting for my call. By the sound in his voice, I could also tell that it was James.  
  
"James?" I asked, and I got a relieved sigh from my boyfriend on the other line.  
  
"Phoebe! How are you? I was so worried...Matt told me your message...Did you get his? Well, yeah, you must have or you wouldn't have this number. Tell me, where are you?" I smiled at his ramblings and laughed a little into the phone. "What?" he asked, confused at my response.  
  
"You're so cute when you're worried," I replied, laughing a little as I said it. "You ramble on and on..." James laughed back at me.  
  
"So where are you? Are you in trouble?" he asked, and I sighed at his questions.  
  
"Actually...sort of. I'm in the hospital."  
  
"The hospital?! Why, what's wrong?"  
  
"My sisters took me here after they found out," I whispered, and he went quiet.  
  
"H...How long...?" he asked, and I knew he was referring to how long it had been since I had gotten high.  
  
"A little over a week," I replied, and I heard him sigh in the background.  
  
"How are you holding up?"  
  
"Well...the nausea and headaches have stopped," I quietly replied. "But...the cravings are as bad as ever. I miss you James."  
  
"I miss you too," he replied, quiet and distant.  
  
"What is it?" I asked, worried at the tone of his voice.  
  
"It's just...I never should have left you. Now you're in some hospital where your damn sisters won't let you have what I sent you...Phoebe, you really deserve better." My forehead wrinkled at this declaration from my guy, and I sat in silence for a minute. My sisters kept saying I deserved better than Jim...meaning I should stay with them. James told me I deserved better than the way my sisters were treating me, meaning I should be with him. Everything was so confusing...who should I listen too? "Phoebe? What's wrong? Tell me what you're thinking?" he asked, and I smiled at his concern.  
  
"My sisters keep telling me you're bad...that I should forget about you...but my heart forced me to call you...James, I'm so confused. What should I do? I almost started to half-believe my sisters...that you weren't the right one for me...and I hate myself for it. Please...tell me what to do..." I started to cry...I knew I shouldn't...but I couldn't help it.  
  
"Phoebe...Phoebe," James said softly, trying to calm me. "Tell me Phoebe...Where were your sisters months ago when you needed someone the most? Where were they? Now...tell me...Where was I?"  
  
"You were by my side," I whispered. "You gave me what I needed to survive."  
  
"That's right," he cooed, and I felt better already. His voice calmed me, but at the same time made my cravings stronger.  
  
"Oh James...I miss you so much...I miss it...I'm shaking all over...the withdraw is terrible."  
  
"I'm sorry baby," he replied, and I sighed in depression.  
  
"James...these weeks...it seems like I've gotten closer to my sisters...they've helped me get past the withdraw...I just feel like I'm betraying myself...because I'm slowly learning to accept them." There was silence for a minute before James spoke.  
  
"They may be there for you now Phoebe...but aren't they the ones who are forcing you to go through this terrible ordeal?" I thought about it for a moment, and then I slowly nodded.  
  
"You're right James...If it weren't for them I'd be happy, and I'd probably be lying content in your arms. Still...there's just something about them...It's a feeling that I get when I'm around them...That everything will be okay...That I can trust them. It's a feeling that I use to have when I was still a child..........I'm sorry, I'm babbling away. How are you? How are things? Are you in any danger because of me?" James laughed a little, and I knew that Jim had taken over his personality.  
  
"Some cops were hangin around, but we laid low for a few weeks. Everythin is okay now. All the guys here miss you tons...and I do too. I would come get you right now, but I can't risk it. I have to supervise all dealings carefully, or a leak might get out and the cops might come for us." I listened to Jim for the rest of the hour and felt content just hearing his voice. When eight o'clock came around I knew I had to hang up.  
  
"Hey, Jim, I have to go baby. I'll try to call again soon, but I'm going home with my sisters any day now...they never give me a moment to myself."  
  
"Alright Phoebe, I'm sorry you have to go through this...I should have taken better care of you."  
  
"Don't blame yourself Jim...just thinking of you gives me strength."  
  
"All right babe, I love you. Call me as soon as you can."  
  
"I love you too," I whispered, and then we both hung up. Jamie came in a half-hour later to turn off the lights and as I laid there in bed, my thoughts drifted not to Jim, but to my sisters. Should I trust them? I hadn't trusted them like this since I was little. Jim...I had put my trust in him, and he had given me something in return. What would Prue and Piper give me? I couldn't believe I was giving into them so easily. They still had to prove to me...Did they care more than Jim? I didn't know the answer to that question, but maybe time would tell. With conflicting thoughts over my sisters and Jim, I fell into a restless and fitful sleep.  
  
Waking up in cool sweat, I looked over at the clock to see that it was about two thirty in the morning...Taking a deep breath, I tried to search my mind for the dream I had just had...there were no images or memories...just feelings. I felt fear and confusion...pain and doubt. While wiping the sweat off my forehead with a towel that I kept near my hospital bed, I reached over for the cup of water that Prue always made sure was full. In a few minutes I was calm, but the feelings from my unremembered dream still lingered, and they made me feel uneasy. Suddenly, my stomach turned as a craving hit me. Shaking uncontrollably, I clawed at my arms, the veins pumping with anticipation. No...no...Why wouldn't this feeling go away? Tears welled up in my eyes as my body shook, and I could do nothing to stop the agony. I thought of calling the nurse...but could she really help me? Maybe I'd be better off by myself. My doctor and main nurse didn't have night shifts...I'd be calling a complete stranger. Deciding to pass, I curled up into a tight ball and whimpered to myself as the cravings came and went, stronger and lighter, like waves moving in and out in the ocean. Slowly...very slowly, the clock ticked...2:45...3:00...and finally, around five o'clock, I fell into another restless sleep, the needle taunting me in my dreams.  
  
"Good morning Phoebe," I faintly heard Doctor Scott say, but I was so tired, so worn out...I didn't open my eyes. I guess the doctor may have been concerned, for a second later I felt her hand on my forehead. "Phoebe, how do you feel?" she asked after a few moments, and very reluctantly, I opened my eyes to look up at her. I moaned when my eyes came in contact with the light, and Sami just shook her head at me. After a few seconds of quiet I could sense and see her examining me with her eyes, and then she sat down on the side of my bed. "Rough night?" I just looked at her for a minute, and then shook my head.  
  
"Very rough," I said softly, and took in a deep breath.  
  
"I guess you didn't get much sleep...You know Phoebe, if you ever have trouble sleeping you should just call the nurse. She could have given you medicine." I just nodded, and then rolled over and closed my eyes. "Okay, rest up. I'll have your breakfast delayed till ten thirty so you can get some more sleep." After that she was gone, and I took that time to catch up from the sleep I had lost the night before. Still, at ten thirty my breakfast was promptly brought, and I forced myself to open my eyes and sit up. I was surprised to see that it was Jamie who had brought it in, and was glad she didn't say anything about why I was eating so late. She just looked at me knowingly as she set down my food. After a minute though, she did speak.  
  
"After you eat some nurses will be in to unhook you from all of the machines, tubes, IVs, etcetera. From the tests your Doctor has done we've found that everything is out of your system. The only problem we have now is your weight." I just nodded at her, and watched as she left. Looking down, I could see the redness in my arms from last night...The tubes and IVs attached to them only made the agitation worse. Sighing to myself, I brought my attention to my food and reluctantly ate. It was the only way to get out of here. Around eleven thirty a nurse came in for my tray, followed by two other nurses who proceeded to disconnect me. After about twenty minutes they were gone...and I felt free. I could actually get out of bed...use the bathroom! As this hit me, I swung my legs around to stand up...only to stumble to the ground. My body was still weak...and I hadn't walked in over a week. I hit the ground and I surprised myself when I started to weep. After a few minutes I wiped my eyes, bringing myself back to my senses, and pulled myself up so I could sit on the bed. I couldn't give up...I mean...I wasn't sure what my goal in all of this actually was: Was I going to get strong and run away to be with Jim...or stay with my sisters? Either way, I had to do what was best for me, and I wanted to take it one step at a time. At the moment, the best thing for me to do is to get back my strength. Okay, for the present, I had a goal. Breathing hard, I laid back to rest for a moment before getting up to try again. This time, I stood up and kept my shaking legs from collapsing under me. Grabbing a blanket, I walked over to the chair that was set by the window and sat down. After situating the blanket on top of me, I took in a deep breath and opened the window slightly. The cool air felt good, and I proceeded to sit there, staring out the window, and trying to pull together all of my scattered thoughts.  
  
"Phoebe?" Hearing my name, I looked around to see Jamie standing there with my lunch. Oh God, it felt like I had just eaten! Glancing at the clock though, I saw that it was already two, and there was no way getting around lunch. "Phoebe, you really shouldn't be out of bed. You're still weak, what if you fell?" I just shrugged as she set the food down and come over towards me.  
  
"I like it over here," I said, but she pulled me up and walked me back over to my bed.  
  
"Well, it's much safer if you just stay in bed unless someone else is around, okay?" I didn't say anything and sighed at all the food Jamie had set in front of me as she left. Eventually, I picked up the fork and forced myself to eat the salad that was in front of me. At least it was light...except for the fattening dressing that was poured on top. Feeling full, I slowly set my tray on the stand next to my bed and made my way to the bathroom. It felt good to wash my own hands and splash cool water on my face. I stared at the toilet for a minute, but then got distracted by the image in the mirror...it was me. I looked...well, different. The thin and frail face that I had seen the last time I looked in the mirror was gone. Now, my face was fuller...not as full as it should be, but fuller nonetheless. I...well, I looked more myself. Was this hospital thing...was it actually helping me? I jumped when two arms wrapped around me from behind, but calmed down when I saw Prue's form in the mirror.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but I could tell she was worried.  
  
"I'm only washing up a little, don't worry," I said back quickly, and pushed her arms away as I dried my face and made my way over to the window chair.  
  
"Here, let me help you," Prue said quickly, putting her hand under my arm.  
  
"I'm fine," I said back stubbornly, and I gently pushed her arm away as I sat down. She looked at me in confusion...I felt a stab of guilt at seeing the hurtful expression that had appeared on her face. Why was I feeling guilt?...Because she had come here to see me...but she was the one that put me here in the first place. My mind went back and forth, but in the end I sighed and bowed my head. "I'm sorry Prue...it's not you." When I looked up I saw her smiling slightly at me and then she put her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it a little for reassurance.  
  
"That's okay...I know." Yes, I knew she knew...but did she? Did she really know how I felt...what it was like? I knew that when she saw me in that bathroom she thought I had been throwing up all my food...old habits die hard. But, I'm not anorexic or bulimic. Just because I hadn't been eating, that didn't mean I'd throw anything up that I ate on purpose. I might've had the temptation, but only because I was really full, and not use to all the food in my stomach. I stared at Prue for a minute before looking away and bringing my attention to the happenings outside of my window.  
  
"So, why are you here so early?" I asked, curious to why she had disrupted my peaceful and quiet day with her presence.  
  
"Work was slow, so I decided to leave. And I remembered that you were being unhooked and all today, so I thought I'd come by and see you." I stared over at Prue and started to get up, but my feet were still unsteady, and the swiftness and impulsiveness of my movements caught even me off balance. I stumbled forward and fell to the ground as Prue leaned down to catch me as I fell. We both ended up on the floor, and I stared at her in shock. "Phoebe, are you okay? Phoebe?" I just stared at her blankly and then looked down.  
  
"Why..." I whispered, refusing to look up at her. "Why do you care so much? You never cared before...Why not leave me alone like you have all of my life...Why are you treating me like this?" At this point I looked up at my sister slightly, tears threatening to overflow, but I wouldn't let them.  
  
"Phoebe...I love you. I have always loved you. You're my sister...I want to help you."  
  
"You never have before. Why start now?" I snapped, and moved to get up. Prue pulled me halfway up before I threw her arms off of me and got up the remainder of the way myself.  
  
"Phoe-"  
  
"Don't" I said coldly, making my way over to my bed and sitting down quickly. "I don't want any of your stupid excuses. You were never there for me...you always pushed me away, yelled at me, or left me for myself. I learned to live without you then, and I can do it now too."  
  
"Phoebe..." I looked away, furious and enraged, wondering where all of this had come from. Jim...he had made me realize the truth. "Phoebe, listen to me," Prue said, coming over to sit beside me and using her hands to force my eyes to look at her. "When we were young I went through so much. Dad...and then Mom too. I was too young to understand what I was doing...but I do now. I never meant to push you away...I was just afraid to let anyone else in. I was young and stupid then...but now I've realized what my foolishness has done. I want to be sisters...like we were in the beginning. Please, let me be your sister. Let me confide in you, and allow yourself to confide in me. Sisters are stronger than anything...we're blood, and there's no getting away from that." I stared at Prue until she let go of my head and then I looked down. Things were just too confusing. "Phoebe...something has changed. What's up?" Prue asked, and I shook my head. If they knew I had talked to Jim...  
  
"It's nothing," I whispered. All of this excitement, anger...these emotions were starting to go to my head, and I could feel a craving coming on. "I'm tired Prue..." Nothing more was said as she pulled the covers over me and went towards the door. "I'll be back with Piper later...you can't get rid of me that easily," she said softly before turning around and leaving. As soon as she left I pulled the covers up over my head and started to cry. I just couldn't help it...I let it all out. The shaking started, and I just knew that I wouldn't be able to survive like this. In the past whenever my emotions had overpowered me, like they were now, I had gone to Jim and gotten some drugs...or went to the club to get wasted with his friends. Now...I was alone and powerless to stop the emotions...and the cravings. They were going to kill me. I shook for about an hour before my body quieted down and I fell asleep in exhaustion. The first thing I heard when I woke up were low whispers...Piper and Prue. I was still fully under the covers and I could feel the tears that were still wet on my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away, and because of my movement I knew my sisters knew that I was awake. Sighing in frustration and exhaustion, I threw the covers off of my head and slowly sat up in bed. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was six, and started wondering why dinner hadn't been brought yet.  
  
"Phoebs?" I looked over at the sound of Piper's voice, and saw her staring sadly at me. "Is that really the way you feel? That we never cared...never loved you?" Her expression...it was so sad...I looked down in shame, guilt coming into my consciousness. Wait...why was I feeling guilt?  
  
"Piper...does it matter now? What happened back then is in the past. Now things are different...I know I'll never be as close to you as you are to Prue, or as close to Prue as she is with you. Let's just leave it at that and accept the fact that we never were that close...why change things now? It's too late anyways." I sighed, sorrow evident in my features, and looked up at Piper. "I'm too tired to try now...let's just leave things the way they are."  
  
"Like hell I will," Prue said, getting up angrily. "Phoebe Halliwell, do you hear me? You are a Halliwell too, and our sister. What would Grams think of the way you're speaking now?"  
  
"Grams would be happy if I were happy," I said quickly, looking up at my eldest sister. "And right now, I'm not happy. I was happy in New York. Now I'm confined to a hospital having the worst week of my life. Do you even realize what I'm going through?! I was up practically the whole night, shaking with cravings...the drugs I can't have...the drugs you won't let me have. Look at me!" Holding up my arms, I showed my sisters my shaking hands. "They shake every day...I can't make these feelings go away...I need that stuff to live. I was up all night crying. Did you know that? My whole body shaking...hours upon hours. Am I happy now, am I Prue? I don't think so. No, I'm not." Slowly, I brought my shaking hand down towards me and folded my arms in front of me.  
  
"Phoebe...something has happened. What is it?" Piper asked, coming over to sit down next to me. How did they...well, I guess my attitude has changed somewhat since I talked to Jim...I had doubts in my mind before...about whether or not to trust my sisters. After I talked to him...well, my doubts increased. If I chose Jim, he would be waiting for me. Would my sisters be waiting for me? "Phoebe?" Piper's voice brought me out of my thoughts and I looked at her.  
  
"Nothing...it's nothing," I mumbled, looking over to see a nurse bringing dinner in for me. In a few seconds she was gone, and I was again alone with my sisters. Wanting me to eat though, they left my side and sat over at the table. Piper had been making them dinner, and they had been eating here with me. Shaking my head, I stared at the pasta in front of me and eventually started to eat. Arguing sure did make me lose my appetite, but I had to eat if I wanted to get out...and eventually get back to Jim. It wasn't till around eight when the nurse came in to take my tray away, and my sisters were again on either side of me, wanting to talk. Well, I didn't want to talk. I wanted to be left alone.  
  
"Phoebe," Piper started, and I reluctantly looked up at her. "I don't know where you got these ideas that you don't belong...that we never cared...but you're mistaken. We're family...we love you very much, and we have you here in this hospital because we don't want you to get hurt."  
  
"You are hurting me, can't you see that?" I asked, tears coming to my eyes. I stubbornly pushed them back, and stared at my sister.  
  
"No, Phoebe, we're helping you. If you had stayed on the path you were on before you came back to us...you would have died. You would have died and we never would have had the chance to live like sisters should...together. We know the only reason you came back was because of Cassie...you trust Cassie, don't you?" I nodded slowly, knowing where she was going with this. "She sent you back home because she knew how much we loved you...She knew that we'd protect you, keep you safe, healthy, and alive." I sighed and shook my head.  
  
"I'm too confused to talk about this now," I whispered, dropping my head down into my hands and rubbing my forehead with my fingers.  
  
"Confused about what?" Prue asked, and I just shook my head.  
  
"Conflicting thoughts...different perspectives and ideas..." I looked up when I felt Prue gently cup her hand around the side of my face and saw the genuine concern in her eyes. Concern...and fear.  
  
"Phoebe...you didn't...I mean...did you..." I just looked at her and then dropped my head.  
  
"I...I called him. I know I shouldn't have...but you don't understand Prue. His voice taunts me in my dreams...I need to get back to him. I-" My eyes went wide when I felt a hand smack me across the face...I slowly brought my right hand up to my now red cheek and looked at Prue with surprise.  
  
"Snap out of it Phoebe," she said gently. "You DO NOT need Jim to get through your life. Look where he put you." I looked around, still not bringing my hand down from my cheek, and then shook my head.  
  
"No...You put me here. You and Piper." I watched as Prue slowly shook her head and smiled slightly in sorrow.  
  
"No Phoebe...You're here because you are addicted to drugs, and if you don't stop now you'll eventually die. Jim was the one who gave you the drugs. He put your life in danger. Can't you see that? Please, tell me you can see that. It's common sense Phoebe. Stop listening to his voice...he's wrapped his thoughts and ideas into your head. Dig deep within yourself and try to find the ideals and morals you had before. Would you ever had tried drugs, if he hadn't forced them on you?"  
  
"How did you know he forced them on me?" I asked, and Prue just smiled sadly at me again.  
  
"I know you better than you may think...You were always wild Phoebe, but never wild enough to make stupid decisions." I just sighed and looked back down at my lap. Thinking back, I realized that I probably never would have taken the drugs if Jim hadn't gotten me so drunk that I couldn't see straight...or even remember most of the events from that night. Maybe my sisters were right...maybe...  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, so I had to stick Leo in there ^^ He won't be showing up later or anything, but I thought it would be cute just to mention him. Okay, so go review now and tell me what you think! ^_^ 


	7. Surprise

Troubled Times Part 7 By: Silverstar  
  
Thanks for all for the positive feedback in light of mood of the story at this point...^^ I'm updating now because I don't know when I will get a chance again. My fam is taking a trip to Hershey Park and then the infamous OTAKON is happening on the 8th, 9th, and 10th! I'm so excited! My beloved anime convention is here yet again!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't owned Charmed, never did, and never will.  
  
**********  
  
The next few days I mostly kept to myself, trying to think things through. Jim had strengthened the doubts in my mind that I had always had over my sisters...but then my sisters had developed doubts in my mind over Jim. One morning as I was eating breakfast, Doctor Scott came into my room with a clipboard. It had been nearly two weeks since my sisters had brought me into the hospital and I was getting restless as I gained weight and my body began to have more strength.  
  
"Phoebe, good morning," Doctor Scott said, smiling as she walked in. Oh, great, the smiley lady was back. "I have some good news for you. Since you have reached 104 pounds, the hospital is releasing you. You can go home as soon as your sisters sign all the paperwork." I stopped eating, my fork halfway to my mouth, and stared at the smiley-lady in shock...I...I could go home...I was getting out of this hellhole! Thinking back, it was funny that I had once referred to the Manner as a hellhole...but now I was calling it home...Regaining my composure, I set my fork down and slowly looked back up at the doctor.  
  
"Really?" I asked, afraid that it was a joke...or a dream.  
  
"Really," she said back. "One of the nurses is notifying your sisters at this moment. With any luck, you'll be out of here by the end of the day." My life might suck from every point and angle...but at the moment Doctor Scott told me the good news, I felt like the happiest person on Earth. My mouth spread out into a huge smile and my eyes widened with excitement.  
  
"Th- Thank you," I whispered up at the doctor, not thinking of anything else to say.  
  
"You are very welcome Phoebe, but it was because of you that you're able to leave so quickly." I just nodded slowly as Doctor Scott turned around to leave and slowly began to finish my breakfast. I couldn't believe it...but...wait...after going home...I'd have to come back for therapy...*shudder* Well, I wouldn't think about that now. The important thing was that I was getting out of this hospital. Around lunchtime I was surprised, but delighted, to look over and see Piper walking through the door.  
  
"Hey Phoebs," she said cheerfully, and I smiled back at her. "I got the hospital's message and talked to Prue. Here, I have some clothes for you. After you're done eating get changed and we'll be able to get out of here." Get out of here...  
  
"Really? This soon?" I asked, throwing my plate aside and looking at Piper eagerly as she sat down next to me on my bed and handed me a bag with some of my clothes in it.  
  
"I just have to go fill out some paper work and you're free to come with me. We can go home." I nodded slowly and watched as Piper's eyes filled with happiness and excitement. I don't know why...but it made me happy when she was happy. "I want to cook a special dinner for you tonight," Piper blurted out, and I knew why she had looked excited. Cooking for others was one of Piper's most favorite things to do. "What do you want?" I thought about it for a moment...and them my mouth watered.  
  
"What about...well..." I saw Piper looking at me eagerly, and I had to laugh at her. She looked a little shocked at the sound of my laughter, but so was I. When was the last time I had really laughed....?  
  
"Go ahead," she urged a moment later.  
  
"Well...Could you make tacos...the soft-shelled kind?"  
  
"You bet," Piper said and smiled at me. "I haven't made my special tacos for a long time...I think because last time I spilled salsa all over Prue's new boots..." I smiled at Piper as her voice drowned out in thought and then she got up. Okay, so I'll be back in twenty minutes and then we can go?" I nodded at her and waited for her to walk out of the room, humming to herself. Today nothing could ruin my good mood...nothing. Reaching into the bag that Pier had brought for me, I pulled out a pair of jeans and a simple quarter-length white top. I nodded at her choice, and then walked into the bathroom to change. In about five minutes I was done and sitting impatiently on my bed. I was ready to get out of here! Seconds later I heard someone come in and looked over eagerly...oh...it was only Jamie.  
  
"Hey Phoebe, I heard you're leaving today. I just wanted to come buy to say congrats and good luck." She smiled down at me, and I gave her a small grin, standing up to be head level with her.  
  
"Thanks," I replied. I looked at her for a moment, but the silence was uncomfortable...why was she staying...???  
  
"Phoebe..." I brought my attention back to Jamie and waited. "I just wanted to tell you...to ask you to please be careful. I don't want to see you back here again...or see your name in the paper under the obituary section." I stared at her in shock for a second before slowly nodding. She smiled back at me and then turned around to leave. On her way out she bumped into Piper and I was grateful that she was back and that we could leave.  
  
"Ready?" she asked, once she had said goodbye to Jamie and was through the door. I nodded quickly and then grabbed my bag off the bed. Piper led me out of my room, through the hallways, and eventually out into the sunlit world...It felt like I hadn't been outside in a year...the bright and warm sunlight, along with the cool light breeze refreshed me, and I follow Piper to her car on the other side of the parking lot. The drive home was silent...I starred out the window, looking at everything we were passing, but I could tell that Piper was taking quick glances over at me. Finally, I heard her clear her throat in hesitation, and I looked over at her.  
  
"What is it Piper?" I asked quietly and gently, and this seemed to confirm that it would be okay for her to speak.  
  
"Uh...Well, I just wanted to ask you something...but it can wait for later..." I looked over into Piper's eyes in confusion as we pulled up into our driveway and she put her car into park.  
  
"No...ask me now," I replied as I unbuckled my seatbelt and she did the same.  
  
"Well...I was just curious. I...I wanted to know about...about..."  
  
"You want to know about Jim..." I whispered, and she nodded mutely. I took in a deep breath of air and looked out the window for a moment. When I turned around towards Piper again she had a look of concern and hesitation on her face. "Jim...Well, he started out as a guy named James that I met at a club...strong, sweet, and understanding...The first person in a long while that I trusted completely...the night he took me to his...well, to a club he knew, I was so confused at finding that all of his friends called him Jim...and that he...he let them do things to me..." I looked down at this point, shocked that those words had come out of my mouth...I was...I was opening up to Piper...Was I betraying Jim? I felt Piper's hand on my shoulder and looked up into her eyes. She wore such a sisterly expression...Urging me to go on if I was ready, but telling me that I didn't have to. She would understand if I didn't want to talk about it. I just smiled weakly, and then continued. "I...I wasn't totally aware when he gave me the drugs that night...I was so drunk...still so confused about his split personality that was surfacing...I still don't remember even half of that night...but I knew that I trusted James with my life. I mean...the next few days were hard, but I came to depend on the drugs and on Jim. Things seemed okay as we got into a routine and I got use to the new life." I looked up at Piper and she smiled reassuringly. "Before I knew it I was addicted...but Jim loves me Piper...he loves me first, and everything else second." I shook my head slowly and turned to look out the window. "I don't know where I'm going to go from here...but whatever it is, I'll know in time. Right now..." I turned back around towards Piper, taking her hand in mine. "Right now, I...Piper...I'm so surprised this is happening...."  
  
"That you're opening up to me?" she asked in a knowingly and sisterly way. I nodded to her as I felt the tears coming to my eyes and smiled. Before I knew it she had enwrapped me in a hug and I put my arms tightly around her back, holding onto my sister for the first real time in a long time. Eventually, our sisterly hug broke apart and we headed into the house.  
  
"I'm going up to my room," I told Piper as she set down her keys and her light jacket near the entryway. "Call me when dinner's ready?" She nodded, and I gratefully made my way upstairs. Upon entering my room, I was glad to find the window opened wide and the breeze flowing gently around me. I took in a deep breath and then made my way over to my bed. It was so soft...so inviting...very unlike the hard hospital bed that I had been sleeping in. Grabbing onto my pillow and hugging it tightly, I fell into a calm and restful sleep.  
  
Shaking...shaking...what...? Opening my eyes a little, I looked up into the eyes of my sister...Prue.  
  
"C'mon honey, dinner's ready," she said gently, and I realized that it was her who had been shaking me, trying to get me up.  
  
"Oh...thanks," I said, sitting up and smiling at her. "I'll be down in a minute." I watched as Prue left and looked over at my clock. It was already six. Slowly, I got up off my bed and walked over to my mirror to brush my hair. Once done, I made my way out my door and downstairs to the kitchen.  
  
"Surprise!" I heard, upon entering, and I jumped at the yelling. Looking around, I saw a big sign that said Welcome Home Phoebe! hanging from the ceiling. Prue and Piper were standing on either side of it, and underneath it directly in the middle stood Cassie, holding Katri in her arms. I stared around in shock for a moment before Cassie stepped forward, putting Katri on the ground and wrapping her arms around me in a hug.  
  
"C...Cassie...?" I asked, returning her hug as my eyes opened wide with shock.  
  
"Phoebe...yeah, it's me," she said, pulling away and picking up Katri to put in my arms. "I told you to call me once a week...when you didn't call I got in contact with your sisters. Jessica and Dana wanted to come too, but they couldn't afford the flight." I nodded, still in shock, as Katri rubbed her little head against my stomach and I scratched her behind her ears.  
  
"C'mon, dinner's ready," Piper announced, and I sat Katri down as I followed my sisters and friend into the dinning room. This room was decked out with Welcome Home Phoebe! signs as well, and there were balloons attached to my chair.  
  
"You guys..." I said in protest, but Prue just laughed and pushed me over to my chair.  
  
"C'mon Phoebs, indulge us. We even made you tacos and everything," Piper said, and I sighed, giving up and accepting my sisters' antics. I listened as my sisters talked with Cassie, and Prue and her caught up. They had been in the same class in high school and were sharing tales from their high school days. I slowly ate a taco, and savored its flavor in my mouth. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. Why...? Why would I want to give this up??? I looked over as Prue started laughing at something Cassie had said, and I cracked a smile just for the heck of it. They looked so happy...and...I think...I'm happy too. Why would I want to give this up? Feeling something on my foot, I looked down to see Katri lying on top of me.  
  
"Katri...What are you doing?" I asked, and laughed when she meowed back in response. Bending down, I picked her up and set her on my lap.  
  
"She missed you," Cassie said, smiling warmly at me and her cat, and I smiled back. "AND, without you to take care of her I have to stay home more. I can't go on long weekend trips or anything." I smiled and nodded.  
  
"Well, she deserves the attention," I said back to Cassie, and scratched Katri behind her ears. As I petted Katri I could feel everyone's eyes on me and squirmed in my seat. I hated all of this attention.  
  
"Okay, who wants desert?" Piper asked, and started to clear our plates from the table. Prue immediately got up to help her and they both disappeared into the kitchen. I was alone with Cassie...but I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I could tell that she was looking at me...waiting...but I just continued to stroke Katri and kept my head down. I still couldn't believe she was here...my sisters must have told her everything...What did she think of me?  
  
"Pho-" I was spared the comment from Cassie as my sisters walked in with a small cake and Cassie cut off her sentence. Piper proudly placed it down in front of me and beamed as I leaned over to read it. Welcome Home Phoebe, we missed you. Love, Prue, Piper, Cassie, Kit, and Katri. I smiled at the last part as I saw a little paw print made of icing next to the cats' names and looked up at Piper.  
  
"Thanks Piper," I said, reaching up to give her a hug, and she returned the embrace. "I wasn't expecting all of this." She just smiled and handed me the knife. Taking it from her, I slowly cut through the beautiful cake and handed out the pieces...of course, this was after I set Katri on the floor. After cutting a small piece for myself, I pushed the cake aside and took a small bite. The creamy icing tasted homemade...and the white cake was so fluffy and soft. Piper must've put a lot of love and effort into it. "Pipe...this is really good," I said, using my childhood nickname for her and smiling at the expression on her face."  
  
"Thanks," she said after a few seconds and smiled. I grinned knowingly as she proceeded to explain how she made it and was so excited to see if I would like it. I assured her that I did, and then picked up my plate to bring into the kitchen. A few seconds later Prue and Piper came in with the rest of the dishes and shooed me away.  
  
"Let us do it," Prue insisted, and she pushed me out of the kitchen and towards the living room. I sighed, giving up, and went over to sit down. In a few seconds I heard someone enter, and looked up to see Cassie standing there. No....I couldn't face her...Getting up, I quickly made my way upstairs and to my room. Upon entering, I turned around to close the door and jumped back in surprise when I saw Cassie standing there. As I moved backwards she came in and shut the door behind her.  
  
"Phoebe...are you avoiding me?" she asked, and I looked down, averting my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at her. I did look up, however, when I felt her take my hands in hers and pull me over to sit on the bed. "Phoebe...I'm not mad at you." I stared at her with questioning eyes for a moment before sighing and looking down again.  
  
"You must be disappointed..."  
  
"I am not disappointed. To tell you the truth, I didn't really expect everything to just be okay again once I sent you home. But, I did expect it to be okay eventually...and it will. You're already on the right path." I looked up at my friend, and then smiled. She cared so much for me...she had flown all the way here from New York!  
  
"Thanks Cassie," I whispered, and before I knew it I had wrapped my arms around her for a hug. She returned it and then we stood up. "How long are you staying?" I asked, and she smiled.  
  
"Only a few days. I have to get back to work and my new guy..." We walked downstairs towards my sisters as Cassie filled me in on her new guy and I followed along behind her, laughing inwardly at the fickleness of her nature...she was still the same old Cassie.  
  
~~  
  
The soft pillows felt so nice...the blankets so warm...being home sure did help me sleep sounder. I snuggled a little farther into my bed, taking a deep breath until my eyes popped open in surprise. Upon hearing a noise, I looked over towards the door...it was slowly creaking open...  
  
"Phoebe?" The door shut and I clearly saw his face...his broad shoulders, his dark hair, his piecing green eyes...Jim was standing at the edge of my bed. My heart started pounding as I stared at him and my voice caught in my throat. "Shhh," he said, walking nearer and putting his finger to my lips. "Don't say anything." I looked up at him helplessly and saw the sparkle in his eyes as he smiled down at me. "C'mon, let's go," he whispered, holding out his hand for me to take. Slowly, I reached up...and tentatively took his hand in mine. With a sudden force, Jim pulled me violently to my feet and towards him. My eyes went wide as I saw him quickly pull a huge needle from behind his back.  
  
"Jim...no..." I whispered, tears coming to my eyes as I saw him reach to pull up the sleeve to my shirt.  
  
"You need it baby, I know you do," he whispered in my ear as he slowly brought the needle towards my scared and aching arm. "You'll feel better after this..." I sunk down to the floor as he came towards me with the long needle and felt my arm tingle with excitement...The cravings started, but I just cried out and sobbed for Jim to stop and to leave me alone.  
  
"No...please..." I sobbed as my body started shaking uncontrollably...  
  
~~  
  
"Phoebe...Phoebe!" I bolted awake, sitting straight up and gasping for breath. The first thing I noticed was the shaking of my arms and hands as a craving overtook me...and the tears that were still falling from my eyes and blurring my vision. After a few deep breaths, I started to sob and felt someone pull me into their arms. "Shhh...it's okay," Piper whispered as she pulled my hair back out of my face and rubbed my back, trying to sooth my nerves. I cried on her shoulder for a while, hugging my legs up and close to my body with my arms. The shaking wouldn't stop...and the thought of my dream just sent shivers through my arms as the cravings began again. Slowly, my sobbing ceased, but I still held myself in a tight ball, trying to stop my arms and hands from shaking. Piper rocked me gently, rubbing her hands up and down my arms to try to calm me.  
  
"Piper...Piper," I whispered, tears still silently falling down my cheeks.  
  
"What is it honey?" she asked softly, but quickly.  
  
"Please...don't let him get me. Don't let him..." my arms started shaking again, and I buried my head in her shoulder, crying out for it to stop.  
  
"Shhh...It's alright honey. We won't let him touch you. You're safe here. C'mon, calm down. It's going to be alright." I took in some deep breaths to calm my nerves, and ten minutes later I was still...silent and exhausted. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around Piper and clung to her tightly. I felt her slide her arms around my back as well as she started to rub it soothingly. "You're all right," she whispered, and I sat quietly, concentrating on breathing deeply and keeping my mind clear. After a few minutes Piper gently set me down in my bed and wrapped the covers around me.  
  
"D...Don't leave," I whispered, begging her with my eyes, and she smiled down at me. A moment later she had laid down by my side and wrapped her arm around me.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered, and I was glad for her presence. It gave me a sense of security and my mind rested easier.  
  
"Thanks...Piper," I whispered, and I fell asleep to the sound of her breathing quietly next to me. My night was filled with a dreamless sleep from then on...but instead, the whole night I was aware of a black void...a void filled with fear, doubt, sadness, anxiety...and the list goes on. I do know that every time I awoke, I felt Piper's arm over my shoulder and heard her shifting next to me. She didn't leave...she stayed with me, and every time I woke up, her even breathing would lull me back to sleep within minutes.  
  
Opening my eyes, I squinted as the sun shown through the window and I looked over at the clock. It was already ten. I slowly turned over to see that Piper was gone, but my door was open and I could hear her moving around downstairs in the kitchen. Shaking my head slightly, I sat up and pressed both of my hands over my face. Last night...my breath caught in my lungs at the thought of the dream and I glanced down at my arms through the openings in my fingers. Massaging my forehead for a minute, I took in some deep breaths and then lowered my hands and arms to my sides. A shower...a shower would do me good. Getting out of bed, I made my way over to my dresser, grabbing a pair of jeans, a long sleeved black V-neck top, and my brush. After gathering up some other items from an adjoining drawer, I made my way towards the bathroom. Sighing in relief that the bathroom was unoccupied, I made my way in, shutting and locking the door behind me. The hot water felt so good running through my hair, over my face, down my back...I guess its the little things you miss most...like taking a long, hot shower. I couldn't have one when I was at the hospital...but now I think I appreciated it more. After about fifteen or twenty minutes I turned off the water and dried myself off. Twenty minutes later I was dressed with my hair blown partially dry and pulled back and out of my face. As I made my way downstairs I could here voices coming from the kitchen...Cassie was complementing Piper on the food, and Piper was thanking her. Hmmnn....Prue must have already left for work...  
  
"Hey!" As I stepped into the kitchen I was immediately greeted by Cassie, who was sitting at the end of the table and able to look around the whole kitchen. I saw Piper look slowly up at me and I smiled a little at Cassie.  
  
"Hey," I said back, walking slowly towards the table and sitting down next to my friend.  
  
"You okay?" she asked, putting her arm around my shoulder and leaning over towards me. "My snoring didn't keep you up, did it?" I laughed a little at this, but our light conversation was broken when Piper came over with a plate of eggs and toast for me. It hit the table with a clunk and I looked up at my sister as she set he plate down in front of me. She smiled at me, and then my eyes went wide. She...she hadn't told them...she hadn't told Cassie or Prue about last night...I stared at her for a moment before smiling and then glancing over towards Cassie as Piper turned back around to continue with the dishes. Of course...she would eventually tell Prue...but at least Cassie wouldn't have to look at me and feel any more pity than she already felt. I had to put on a strong face for her. I listened faintly to Cassie as she told me about a time when Katri had done something-or-another while I slowly ate my eggs and rested my brain. My head just hurt...I wanted a break from the pestering thoughts that I carried around with me 24/7. As I finished my breakfast I got up to clean my plate, but Piper rushed over as I stood up.  
  
"Let me get it honey," she said, reaching to take the plate.  
  
"I can do it," I insisted, pulling it towards myself.  
  
"No, let me do it," she insisted back. "I want to." After looking at her for a moment I let up on my grip of the plate and allowed her to take it from me.  
  
"C'mon Phoebe, let's go sit in the living room while Piper finishes up here," Cassie said, and she gently dragged me through the door. I settle down onto the couch with Cassie and looked around the room, feeling uncomfortable because she was looking at me. "Phoebe," she said finally, and I looked over at her. "Are you okay?" I smiled at this question and put my hands over hers.  
  
"I'm fine," I whispered and jumped a little in surprise when she clasped my hands and squeezed them tightly.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Because...because last night...Oh, never mind." I looked cautiously at Cassie and took in a deep breath. Last night...Prue had given Cassie her bed and slept on the couch. Why was Piper the only one to come into my room last night when I was sobbing and crying out in my sleep? Prue had been downstairs...she wouldn't have heard...Cassie...I looked up into her eyes and smiled sadly at her.  
  
"You heard me," I whispered, and she slowly nodded, looking down.  
  
"I...I couldn't help it...Phoebe, you were crying out in your sleep...you sounded so desperate and so afraid...But I didn't want to go in. I heard Piper get up and I didn't want to..." She let out a sigh and looked down into her lap. "You scared me so much..."  
  
"Cassie...I...everything is just so hard for me. I think about him all the time...and even my dreams are plagued with needles, drugs...with Jim. I still love him goddamnit...but I'm so afraid of him. I'm afraid of what might happen if he comes back..." I looked up to see that Cassie was watching me intently.  
  
"I...I didn't realize," she said, and I smiled sadly at her.  
  
"I still have cravings too...and dreams like that make my whole body shake with yearning. But...it will go away with time...it will..." I think she picked up on the fact that I was trying to convince myself this as much as I was trying to convince her, for she leaned forward and gave me a hug.  
  
"Yeah, you'll be well again in no time." I smiled and then we pulled apart. "Hey, since I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon, how about we go out today, have some fun."  
  
"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" I asked and she smiled.  
  
"Shopping."  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	8. Peace and Worry

Troubled Times Part 8 By: Silverstar  
  
Hey. Sorry its been a while but I was actually waiting for more reviews on the last chapter...and during that time my inspiration started to dwindle, so please review! I'll try my best to come out with the next chapter as soon as I can but summer is sadly coming to an end and I have to finish all of my summer work before school starts. Oh, and I hope everyone liked that I ended the last chapter on a happier note than previous chapters. ^__^ Please enjoy and review for this one!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not owned Charmed...*sad face* Oh well...  
  
**********  
  
Cassie left last week, and upon her departure I retreated to my room. For some reason, her presence made me feel more at ease and more open...she treated me like nothing had happened since we parted at the New York airport. Now it was just my sisters and me...and around them I felt an awkward silence. No one knew what to say to each other. Besides this, I was afraid of my actions around the house. In my room I'd find myself going through all of my things...searching for something. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I feared that I might find it. At night I still had dreams...dreams that I didn't remember, but I'd wake up sweating and shaking all over, just wanting what Jim had given me...wanting something I couldn't have. I was gaining strength and eating regularly, but I still lacked confidence and didn't really speak up to Prue or Piper about what was on my mind, how I felt, or what I thought. One night after dinner I was sitting in the living room reading a book when they both sat down on either side of me and waited. After a few minutes I slowly closed the book and set it down on my lap.  
  
"What's up?" I asked, a little afraid of the answer.  
  
"Well..." Piper said, and she looked at Prue nervously.  
  
"What Piper wants to say," Prue said, taking my hand and looking me in the eyes. "Is that we need to talk to you about the therapy you promised to go to after you got home." I stared at her for a moment before wrenching my hand out of hers and standing up quickly, causing my book to fall to the floor.  
  
"You already know my feelings on the matter," I said curtly, and I started to walk away, but Piper's small grip on my other hand held me back.  
  
"Please Phoebe, let's just talk about it," she whispered, and I looked back at her concerned eyes with regret. Sighing to myself, I slowly sat back down, picking up my book as I did so and placing it on the table.  
  
"Phoebs...the doctor strongly recommended that you go through with the therapy. You were allowed to leave the hospital because we took you out of the recovery program...but Doctor Scott warned me that once out, you probably wouldn't voluntarily go back. The hospital can't force you to go back for the sessions, but we'd really like it if you did. I really think it would help you." Prue finished this statement as Piper let go of my hand and I looked at both of them.  
  
"Prue...Piper..." I whispered, clearing my head in order to piece my thoughts together. "Please...please don't make me. It's...it's just...my head...I don't think I really understand, or can even deal with, what's going on in there at the moment...what's been going on in there for the past days, weeks, months...I'm really not ready to share any of my thoughts with a perfect stranger, or a group of strangers. I can barely cope with my feelings, or understand them myself. If you sent me...I don't think it would help at all. Maybe after some time has passed...but...please, don't make me..." I went silent as tears threatened to overflow from underneath my eyelids, and I looked down at my hands as the room went silent.  
  
"Phoebe...we can't make you go," Prue said, lifting my face up so that my eyes met hers. "But, maybe until you find the courage...maybe you could confide in us. We're good listeners and I think we may be able to help you." Prue smiled gently at me, and after a few moments I smiled back.  
  
"Yeah...I think I could do that," I whispered, and I leaned forward to give my sister a hug.  
  
"What about me?" Piper asked, and I lifted my arm so that she could join in on the embrace. After we parted I picked my book back up again, and after a few moments both of my sisters left me to myself. Of course, I wasn't really reading the pages, or even opened to the right page of my romance novel. I was sitting there thinking about my life...my sisters...the life I had had before...and trying to put all of it together. New York seemed like ages ago...but it really was only a month or two...not really that far in my past. An hour later I realized that I was sitting alone downstairs, so I got up to turn off the light and made my way upstairs. Still...even once I was in bed, I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep. What if he was awaiting me there...Slowly, my body took over and forced my mind to rest. Hours later I woke up in a cold sweat, vaguely remembering the dream of me running away...far away from everything, only to find myself in Jim's arms...only to find Jim forcing himself on me, and me not wanting his touch any longer. After taking a few deep breaths I got out of bed and made my way downstairs for some tea. I got a cup ready with shaky hands, and then realized that I didn't want to be alone. The darkness and solitude of the kitchen made me feel edgy and vulnerable, so after sipping my tea I walked quietly upstairs and into Piper's room. I heard her breathing evenly, and the sound soothed me right away. Taking in a few deep breaths, I sat down on her desk chair and drank my tea. The room was completely dark...but I felt safe and I allowed my mind to wander. When I was done with my tea I lightly set it down on Piper's desk and then heard her rustle. A few seconds later I decided that I should leave since she might wake up, but as I got up I heard a whisper.  
  
"Phoebe?...Is that you?" she asked, and I made my way over to her.  
  
"Yeah...it's me."  
  
"Are you alright?" I smiled when she asked this, still amazed at how much she worried and cared for me.  
  
"Yeah...I just couldn't sleep, and after I got some tea I didn't really want to be alone. I'm sorry I woke you. I just wanted some company...and I was just leaving since I finished drinking my tea..."  
  
"No...it's all right," she said quickly and reached out for my arm. "Do you want to stay here the rest of the night?" I thought about my own room and my own bed, and the dreams that were awaiting me there. Maybe I'd get a better night's sleep if I were in here with Piper...  
  
"Um...Do you mind?" I asked timidly, and Piper moved over to her right to make room for me.  
  
"It's fine, c'mon, my bed's big enough for two." I scooted in next to my sister and took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly.  
  
"Thanks," I whispered, and I felt Piper's hand tighten around mine.  
  
"Any time. Now get some sleep, you sound exhausted." I smiled at this and comfortably closed my eyes as I awaited sleep to take me. When I woke up in the morning Piper was still sleeping next to me...It must be her day to stay home with me. Ever since I had returned to the house there was always someone there with me so I wouldn't have to be alone. I appreciated it, but I felt bad that I was putting my sisters through so much stress. It was already nine and Piper wasn't up yet. I knew Prue was gone already, and I listened happily to the sound of our silent house. It was peaceful...soothing. I sat up and leaned against the head of Piper's bed as I took in the peacefulness and simplicity of the moment. When I heard a noise next to me, I turned to see that Piper was awake and had sat up next to me on her bed. "You okay?" she asked and I nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled over at her and she returned a smile to me. "Piper?" I said after a few minutes of silence.  
  
"Yeah?" she asked, and I looked over at her. She was slouching beside me, looking away into space daydreaming.  
  
"Can we go out today? Do something?" She looked startled at this comment, but then nodded.  
  
"Yeah, let's do something. You want to walk to the park? We can eat lunch at the café there."  
  
"Yeah," I replied, and I slowly got out of bed. "I'll go get ready. She nodded, and as I headed for the shower I knew that Piper was on her way downstairs to make us breakfast. I didn't know why...but today seemed different. Maybe today...I could live life like a regular woman...maybe I could live normally without thinking of what has been haunting my thoughts for weeks upon weeks...months even. I think today would be different. It should be different.  
  
By the time I got downstairs Piper had finished making eggs and toast, eaten hers, cleaned everything up, and had set out a plate for me.  
  
"Thanks," I said as she headed upstairs for the shower.  
  
"No prob," I heard her call back as she disappeared upstairs.  
  
Every day eating became easier and easier...more natural. When you thought about it...food was life. You can't live long without it...you need energy and nutrients to survive. I guess I had forgotten that...but the past weeks have made me realize that I want to live. Living felt good, and I didn't want Jim or drugs to take that feeling away. It was around eleven when both Piper and I were ready.  
  
"Shall we?" Piper asked, and I smiled as I picked up my jacket and followed her out the door. The day was just right. The sun was shining and a cool breeze was blowing by as we walked down the sidewalk in the direction of the park.  
  
"It feels nice to be outside," I stated, and Piper nodded back to me in response.  
  
"Yeah...things have been so hectic...It's nice to get out and just relax." I nodded, and took in the sites of my old neighborhood as we walked down the street. When we rounded the bend that leads into the park I remembered the days when we were little, and Prue would walk us down so we could feed the ducks and play on the playground. Things may have changed between us, but the park was the same as I had left it all those years ago.  
  
"Phoebs, over there," Piper said, and I looked over at the café she was pointing to. I nodded and we made our way over and sat down at a table outside. We ordered tea and sipped on it as the waiter went to give our sandwich orders to the chef.  
  
"Remember when we were little and you told me that one day you'd be a chef at this café?" I asked. Piper laughed and set her tea down.  
  
"Yeah...But it looks like I haven't lived up to that statement."  
  
"You still can," I replied, and Piper smiled at me.  
  
"What about you?" she asked. "I recall you saying that one day you'd have a motorcycle like the ones the older guys use to ride over near the park entrance." I smiled slightly, and then the thought of a motorcycle sent my mind rearing back towards Jim. He had a motorcycle...we use to ride it together. "Phoebe?" Piper asked, and I sipped my tea as I tried to keep my hands from shaking. Still, my mind raced. We're in open daylight, right in plain sight! What if he saw me? He could just come right over and..."Phoebe?" I looked up and shook my head a little to clear my mind.  
  
"It's nothing, I'm fine," I insisted, but Piper didn't let me off the hook so easily.  
  
"Are you sure?...Phoebe, c'mon. What is it?" I sighed and took a long sip of my tea before attempting to answer.  
  
"It's nothing...just...It's just that...that...J-Jim owned a motorcycle. Your comment just made me think of him..."  
  
"Oh Phoebe, I'm sorry," Piper said with worry and guilt in her voice. "I didn't even know." I looked around me again, becoming paranoid as we sat there, and jumped when I felt something surround my hands. Looking down, I saw that Piper had taken my hands in hers and was squeezing them reassuringly. "Phoebs...please, don't let it ruin the day. It's beautiful outside. I promise you that he won't lay a finger on you as long as I am here." I smiled at her and then looked down.  
  
"To tell you the truth Piper...I'm less worried about him hurting me...and more worried that I'll let him. That I'll give in and return to him." I could feel my hands start to shake, but Piper held them firmly.  
  
"Phoebe, look at me," Piper said slowly and confidently. I looked up at her, and her expression blew me away: pure confidence and faith. "You are stronger than that Phoebe. You've come this far, and nothing can stop you now. Believe in yourself, have a little faith. You're stronger and more resilient then you give yourself credit for." I looked at Piper for a few minute, and then a smile slowly grew across my face. I didn't have time to reply though, because the waiter came with our food and we began to eat. By the time we got to the café, ordered, drank our tea, and then ate lunch, it was close to one o'clock. Piper had reassured me that I was safe, and that Jim would not miraculously appear while we were out, so I relaxed and enjoyed the afternoon. After lunch we decided to get ice cream and we had fun chasing the ice cream truck down the street until he stopped.  
  
"HEY! WAIT!" Piper called as we rounded the street corner and raced down the sidewalk. I saw neighbors smile as we passed and I waved to a few as I trailed behind my sister. She was so fast...and I just couldn't keep up. My energy level still wasn't very high. The truck finally stopped, and it happened to be only one house down from the Manner. Piper was yelling at the truck driver when I finally caught up to them and stood huffing behind her. At hearing my deep breaths Piper turned around and instantly got a concerned gleam in her eyes. "Phoebe honey, are you all right?" she asked, putting her hand on my shoulder and looking at me with concern.  
  
"Yeah..." I said as I regained my breath. "I just can't run that fast...not enough energy..." I smiled at her and finally recovered my speaking abilities fully. "I'm fine Piper, don't worry. C'mon, let's get some ice cream." At this time Piper turned back around to the truck driver and gave him an angry scowl.  
  
"I'd like vanilla, what about you Phoebe?"  
  
"Um...chocolate."  
  
"Okay, one chocolate too," Piper repeated to the ice cream man.  
  
"Piper...?" I said hesitantly.  
  
"Yeah?" she asked as she handed me the ice cream and was about to pay.  
  
"Should we get one for Prue too?" I saw the surprise evident on her face, but after a second she smiled.  
  
"Yeah, that's a good idea. We'll have a strawberry one for our sister," she relayed to the driver, and then paid as he handed her the ice cream. "It's a good thing we're right near the Manner," she said with a laugh as the truck drove away and we headed for the car. "Here, you hold Prue's and I'll drive" she said as she handed me the ice cream and I started to eat mine. The cold felt good in my mouth and I shivered as I ate and Piper drove. We had to blast the air conditioning so Prue's ice cream wouldn't melt. Fifteen minutes later we arrived at Bucklands and rushed upstairs to see Prue. Her door was only slightly open and I hesitated, but Piper walked right in.  
  
"Hey Prue!" she called, and I watched as Prue's head jerked up in surprise. She had been bending over a painting on a table to the side of her desk and hadn't noticed our entry.  
  
"Piper! Phoebe! Wow, what a surprise," she said, looking at us in shock as we walked up and presented her with her ice cream. "Thanks," she said, and eyed it hungrily. Well, she had a right to be surprised. I hadn't even mentioned leaving the house since I got back, and whenever asked if I wanted to go out to eat I had refused immediately. The only time I had been out was when Cassie was here. Her presence made me feel like nothing had happened...and that there was nothing to worry about. Since she left though, a deep fear of Jim had become plastered into my mind.  
  
"Take a break Prue, and eat with us," Piper said, and I smiled because our ice creams were already about finished by now. Still, I waited for Prue to pull her desk chair around beside ours and then sat down.  
  
"This is a nice surprise," Prue said happily as she started to eat her ice cream. "I wasn't even expecting any visits...Piper, remember the last time you visited me at work?" I looked over at Piper and saw her smile widen.  
  
"Yeah...well..." I looked at Prue as she laughed, and was relieved when she finally noticed my blank expression.  
  
"Oh, Phoebe. Last time Piper came she tripped on the paintings I had on the floor and poured coffee all over herself," Prue laughed and I looked over at Piper.  
  
"Well, you think its funny now," Piper said. "You were so mad then that I almost spilled coffee on the paintings that you started yelling and disrupted your boss' important meeting." Prue abruptly stopped laughing and looked at Piper with unknowing eyes.  
  
"I did?" she asked and Piper nodded, a smile spreading across her face.  
  
"When I was leaving your boss' secretary approached me and told me to tell you to keep the noise level down." Prue's mouth dropped down in shock and I looked from Piper to Prue, and back again. As Prue sat back eating her ice cream, trying to think of that day, I glanced over at Piper. She winked at me, and I smiled. She had made the whole thing up...Well, I guess Prue would never know.  
  
"So, what did you guys do today?" Prue asked, apparently brushing off Piper's comment. I sat listening contently as Piper filled Prue in on our day and laughed when she brought up the ice cream truck incident.  
  
"You should have seen her Prue," I said, looking at Piper's frown and trying to suppress my giggles. "She was so mad.and all the neighbors were staring at us." Prue laughed with me and Piper pouted.  
  
"It's not funny. We were paying customers and he just kept on driving. It was ridiculous." Piper tried to convince us that the driver was at fault, but I just shook my head. I watched as Prue teased Piper and then settled back into my own thoughts. I was happy with the way things were now.and they could be this way forever. I want them to be this way forever.  
  
"Hey, we're not that busy and I can do this tomorrow," Prue said, motioning to the paintings on the table. "Why don't I go home with you guys? I feel like I'm missing out on all the sisterly bonding." I smiled at my big sister and looked at Piper.  
  
"Yeah," Piper said. "We can all make dinner and watch a movie." I nodded my consent and we headed out of Prue's office and to our cars. As we walked on I fell behind with Prue and saw a twinkle in her eyes.  
  
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked, and I smiled as I nodded.  
  
"Piper's going to end up kicking us out of the kitchen."  
  
"Yeah," Prue said with a smile. "So let's let her do all the work." I nodded at Prue's comment and hurried to catch up with Piper so we could drive home behind Prue. On the way we stopped to rent some movies, and since we couldn't all decide we came home with a bag full.  
  
Once home we changed into comfortable clothes and headed for the kitchen. Within minutes Prue and I had made a mess and Piper was shoving us out the door.  
  
"You two will be the end to my kitchen!" she complained, and we were left in the hallway.  
  
"Well.we tried the best we could!" Prue screamed back and I watched as Piper's head poked out of the door.  
  
"You were only cutting up a salad.A SALAD! How hard can that be?! There are tomatoes, lettuce, and peppers EVERYWHERE!" I cringed at Piper's tone, but knew she wasn't really mad, just a little exasperated with us.  
  
"C'mon Phoebs, let's leave PIPER to her DINNER and we can pick out a movie," Prue said, glaring at our sister, pretending to be mad, and storming off to the living room dragging me behind her. I had to laugh at their antics as Prue dragged me away from Piper and I saw Prue crack a smile as well. "Told you," she said as we sat on the couch and I nodded.  
  
"It only took three minutes," I said as we collapsed in giggles.  
  
"Did you see how she was hovering around us, worried that we'd do something to mess up her kitchen?.I 'dropped' that tomato on purpose just to see what she would do," Prue said and I had to laugh along with her. When we finally settled down I could hear Piper mumbling to herself in the kitchen as she finished the salad and started on the pasta. "Phoebe?" I looked over at Prue and saw a serious expression on her face.  
  
"Yeah?" I asked.  
  
"I'm glad you're okay.I mean, I thought after finding you in Piper's room this morning that you might be having a pretty rough time.so I'm glad you're feeling better."  
  
"Thanks," I said as I smiled at Prue and reached forward to give her a hug. "I have my bad moments," I said as we pulled apart, "But there are good moments too. Sometimes I just get nervous that Jim'll come back for me.but Piper said that you guys would never let him take me.that I was too strong to give in to him."  
  
"Piper's right," Prue said as she leaned down to kiss me on my forehead. "C'mon, let's pick out a movie." After debating for a full twenty minutes, Prue and I decided on The Mummy, a good action/adventure movie. Feeling that enough time had passed, we snuck towards the kitchen and peeked in to see Piper mixing together the sauce and warming up the bread. Dinner was almost ready.And I hated to admit it, but if Prue and I had been more involved in the preparing process, then dinner wouldn't have been ready for another hour. After glancing at Prue, and her at me, we nodded to each other and walked into the kitchen. Piper looked up at our entrance and scowled at us, but she kept preparing.  
  
"Put that stuff on the table, will you?" she asked, and Prue grabbed the plates and silverware while I took the salad and the bread. Piper soon followed with the pasta and three cokes. We sat down immediately and started to fix ourselves plates. Prue started complimenting the dinner, and that got Piper started on a huff about the mess earlier.he he. I just played along with Prue, acting innocent and then shifting the conversation to what we were going to do later. Piper wasn't thrilled with our movie choice.  
  
"Awww, c'mon you guys, how about a drama/romance."  
  
"Uh.I'm not really in the mood for a romance." I said quietly, and Piper fell silent.  
  
"Hey, I have an idea," Prue said. "After The Mummy Phoebe and I could make us a desert while you watch the movie of your choice." Piper looked at Prue with an "I can't believe you just said that, I'm not letting you into my kitchen" look and I just smiled.  
  
"C'mon Pipe, please," I begged, using my nickname for her. "Let us cook for you." Piper sighed and I knew she had given in. I high-fived Prue under the table and we continued to eat while Prue threw out suggestions to what we should make. We all cleaned up the dishes after we ate and Piper scowled at Prue and me for making a mess while washing the pots.Prue just blew some bubbles across the room at Piper and I ducked out of the room before Piper exploded. Seconds later Prue popped out of the door and bumped right into me. I just smiled at her and then poked my head back into the kitchen. Piper was laughing and I had to smile at her too as I retreated with Prue into the next room to set up the movie. After gathering blankets and pillows, we plopped down on the couch and started to fast forward through the movie previews. Seconds later Piper came in with popcorn and settled down on the other side of me. By the end of the movie my sisters and I were in hysterics because of Prue's antics. Piper enjoyed it more than she would let on.and I think she really enjoyed it because Prue kept doing impressions of the characters, making us all laugh.  
  
"Okay, time for desert," Prue exclaimed, jumping up and bringing me with her. Piper groaned, probably hoping that she had forgotten, and I waved to her as Prue dragged me into the kitchen and started pulling things out of cabinets. When I saw the pile of ingredients sitting on the counter I smiled and got out a pan. We were making chocolate chip cookies...just like we use to make with Grams when we were little. A fairly simple recipe...but there was still some expertise required in the baking area. Prue and I were known for burning things.  
  
The night went on and Prue and I had fun as we made our desert for Piper. I mixed the ingredients as Prue kept Piper from sneaking into the kitchen and we set the cookies to bake while we made tea and talked of old times. It was nice...but...almost too good to be true...  
  
"Phoebs! The timer is going off!" I heard Prue shout, and I was pulled from my thoughts as we rushed over to take out the cookies.  
  
"...Good...they're safe," I whispered as we set them to cool and cleaned up the mess we had made.  
  
"Smells good," I heard Piper say and I turned to see that she had entered the kitchen. I smiled as she ushered me to the chair and proceeded to clean the dishes herself...and while I didn't want her to do my share of the work...I was tired. I wasn't use to this much activity in one day. I sat down with a sigh and watched my sisters finish up with the dishes. A couple of minutes later Piper brought the hot tea and warm cookies over to the table and we began to eat. "Mmmnn...almost as good as mine," Piper said teasingly and I smiled at her as I bit into the warm cookies and the gooey chocolate spilled into my mouth. The day had gone by too quickly...where I was right now...I felt safe. Warm, happy, and safe. I hope that feeling never vanishes from my life again...the happy chocolate chip cookie feeling. I smiled at this thought and slowly sipped my tea. It was getting late, and I found that both of my sisters were watching me.  
  
"You're tired honey, aren't you?" Prue asked, and I smiled again at her concern.  
  
"Yeah, I think I'll head up," I replied and they both got up to wish me goodnight. My eyes went wide as Prue pulled me forcefully into a hug and held me for a few moments with her arms wrapped tightly around me. Piper did the same when Prue finally let me go and I kissed both of them on the head. "Goodnight," I said softly as I picked up my tea and walked upstairs. I slowly ambled along the hallway to my room and shut the door behind me. My room was dark and cool...I breathed in the fresh air and....wait...I hadn't left that window open...My mug fell to the floor with a thunk and my tea spilled all over the rug as two arms circled me from behind.  
  
"Hey babe." That voice...Oh my God...my heart thumped loudly as I slowly turned around and faced him...It was Jim.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	9. Back with a Fury

Troubled Times Part 9 By: Silverstar  
  
Yes, he really is back ^__^  
  
Okay, I'm sorry to leave you all hanging, but I had to do something to make you all review and want more! ^__^ And I guess it worked. Anyway, I did feel like I had to pick the story up a little and put some real action into it. So, here it is. Thanks to everyone again and I hope you enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or any of the characters.  
  
**********  
  
I slowly ambled along the hallway to my room and shut the door behind me. My room was dark and cool...I breathed in the fresh air and....wait...I hadn't left that window open...My mug fell to the floor with a thunk and my tea spilled all over the rug as two arms circled me from behind.  
  
"Hey babe." That voice...Oh my God...I heart thumped loudly as I slowly turned around and faced him...It was Jim. ~~  
  
He looked just like I left him...as sexy as ever. I shivered as he stepped closer and I tried to back away from him.  
  
"It's a dream...It's a dream..." I whispered repeatedly and Jim laughed quietly at me.  
  
"Don't worry Phoebe, I'm here in the flesh. I've come for you. This is no dream." I stared at him wide-eyed and backed up until I hit my bed and sat down as my feet went out from under me. "What's wrong?" he asked, coming over to sit next to me, and I knew it was James that was before me. "I know...you haven't had any for a while. But don't worry, I'm going to take you back with me. I couldn't bring anything here...it was too dangerous, but I have some at a safe location. We can go there now, if you want." I looked at James and saw him smiling at me. "You look beautiful," he whispered, and I felt his lips on my neck. No...No...Piper and Prue were wrong. I couldn't do anything...I was powerless when it came to Jim...to James...I didn't have the energy to fight...and I knew I'd give in to him. I was so scared...I couldn't move. We sat there as seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned to hours. James just kissed me tenderly and held me. I cried softly, and while he thought they were tears of joy and relief...they really were tears of fear. His scent was so welcoming, and I yearned for his touch...but my mind kept screaming out. I had to get away, I had to yell for my sisters. But...no words came from my mouth and no movement from my legs. Prue and Piper had gone to bed about ten minutes after me, and I'm sure James was just waiting till he was sure they were sleeping soundly.  
  
"C'mon babe, let's pack your stuff," he said softly, and got to his feet. I made no sign of movement and just sat there in silence. I had to gather the courage to tell him...but...no...he would never...Jim had never hit me before. He wouldn't dare lay a finger on me...would he? "Phoebe?" He looked at he with concern and I stared back at him. "You are happy that I came all the way here for you...aren't you?" he asked. I just sat there and stared back down at my lap.  
  
"James...It's just..."  
  
"What?" he asked, and I could see that he was starting to get a little frustrated. "What is it? I haven't heard from you in weeks, so I came here, all worried about you, and now you won't even talk to me?" I sighed and stood up so that I could look at Jim in the face.  
  
"Jim...It's just that...Since I've been here, I've started to form a really close bond with my sisters...A bond that I'm not so sure I want to break." I looked up at him and he stared at me for a few moments before stepping uncomfortably close.  
  
"Don't you know Phoebe, that your sisters are just putting on an act? Remember all the things you told me about them? They'll never change, so don't let them fool you. It's all right, you don't have to be afraid. Your sisters will have no way of finding us once we get to New York." He slid his hand slowly up my arm until he was cupping my face gently. But we have to hurry and get a head start." I closed my eyes for a moment, but then shook off the feeling of his hand on my cheek. No...I had to...I had to be strong.  
  
"Jim...I mean it. I...I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back to that life style. I like it here...and...and this is where I want to stay." I slowly stepped a little away from Jim as I saw his eyes widen and he processed the information.  
  
"Phoebe...you...you don't mean it. It was them! They brainwashed you!" he said in a loud whisper. I shook my head 'no' as fear crept into my eyes and he advanced towards me. "As soon as I get you home and some of my special merchandise in your veins, you'll feel better. You'll come to your senses, won't you Phoebe?" I shook my head 'no' again as I bumped into my bed behind me and sat down on it as I fell. "Yes...Yes you will," he said and he grabbed my arm roughly. "I didn't come this far to leave you behind. You're all I think about Phoebe. I dream about you at night, and I think about you during the day. You are coming back with me. You are." I started to pull my arm away and opened my mouth to shout, but the next thing I knew I saw a fist. There was a sharp pain on the side of my head as everything went fuzzy and I fell back onto my bed. Then...darkness surrounded me.  
  
I groaned as I felt a throbbing on the left side of my head. I moved slightly at first, but then decided against it, for the pain was much worse when I did so. Taking a few deep breaths, I slowly opened my eyes to get a bearing on my surroundings. It was dark out and I was in the back of a van...lying down on some blankets and pillows. Slowly, I sat up and tried to think. Jim...He had hit me in his furry. I knew from experience how strong he was...I didn't want to think about what he'd do if he were extremely angry.  
  
"You up?" I heard Jim ask, and then noticed that he was in the front seat of the van driving. He looked back at me through the rear view mirror and I sunk down low as he stared at me. "Get some sleep," he commanded, and I saw on the van's clock that it was three thirty in the morning. Not wanting to make Jim any more angry then he already was, I slowly laid back down and noticed a bag next to me. Jim must have packed some of my things before he left the house...Uhhh...I couldn't think about it any more, for my head pounded sharply, and slowly I drifted back into unconsciousness...  
  
I awoke as the car jerked and slowly opened my eyes. My head still hurt terribly, but I didn't dare make any noise or complaints. Jim was still driving and it was one o'clock the next day...my sisters must've already saw that I was gone...They were probably having heart attacks. Moving with caution, I sat up and looked outside the van. My vision was still a little blurry, but I knew that we were a long ways away from San Francisco. I blinked to try to clear my vision, but it was still fuzzy. Cautiously, I took my hand and reached up to touch the side of my head. Pain surged down my forehead and I flinched, quickly bringing my hand away. My eyes went wide at the sight of blood, and the fact that I was still slightly bleeding.  
  
"Lay back down," Jim said sternly, and I quickly complied. I didn't matter...my vision was still too unsteady to even try an escape. Still...  
  
"J...Jim," I whispered, and I saw him look back at me through the rear view mirror. "Where are we?"  
  
"Almost to Nevada," he answered gruffly.  
  
"Jim...How far are we going to drive?" I asked softly, and prayed that he didn't get angry with me. He just sighed and turned back to look at me for a moment before putting his eyes on the road again.  
  
"Do you know how much I've missed your voice?" he asked. Gulping with nervousness, I looked at the floor and kept silent, waiting for an answer. "I have a safe house set up for us just over the border." I could feel the tears start to come, and I let them fall as I laid there in silence, a blanket wrapped around me. My world was falling down right in front of my face...We were at least a good six hours ahead of my sisters and the police...and I had no hope of an escape at the moment. We rode in silence for a few more hours and all I could think about was what would happen when we got to this "safe house." I shivered as my head went through numerous possibilities and then I forced myself to try to think of something else. My next thoughts were of my sisters. They were probably so worried...I cringed at the pain I was putting them through again and felt tears fall from my eyes, down my cheeks, and onto the blanket I was tightly wrapped in. If only I had had the strength...the courage...the ability to call out for them when I still had a chance of escape. Now...now I was doomed. After a while of thinking and crying, I started to drift in and out of sleep, for my head wound was making me woozy. It was around five o'clock when the van finally stopped.  
  
"Oh Lord, help me," I whispered as Jim got out of the door and disappeared inside the house. I slowly got up and saw that we were in the middle of no where...no hope. Even if I managed to get away, I'd probably starve to death after getting lost. I could hardly move anyway without feeling dizzy and faint. If I tried to get away now I wouldn't get very far, and then when Jim found me he'd be very angry...I didn't want that. A minute later I heard the van's sliding door open and I looked over to see Jim and...and Matt. Why was he here? Never mind...Jim didn't go anywhere without backup...without someone he could boss around. Matt smiled when he saw me, but I could tell that Jim had filled him in on my new views and what had happened. He looked at my head with a little concern, but I could tell that he thought I had deserved what I got. I backed up a little as he reached in to grab my bag and the rest of the garments and food that Jim had stored back there. I hadn't even noticed all that other stuff that had been in the seat behind me. I flinched and tried to move back as Jim reached his hand out for me, but his firm grip around my delicate wrist made we stop, and I allowed him to pull me from the van. Once on the ground I felt a wave of dizziness and my legs buckled. I was surprised to find myself in Jim's arms when I opened my eyes. He looked concerned, and he gingerly picked me up and started carrying me towards the house. My head hurt too much...and I was too scared to struggle. I just laid there with my head resting on Jim's shoulder while I took in deep breaths and tried to calm myself. Judging from Jim's concerned look seconds before, he still cared for me very much. Maybe I could talk him into letting me go? I'd just have to get James to emerge from his mind.  
  
The house was very small, and only one story. There was one bedroom, a small main room with a fire place, couch, and a little TV, and a kitchen with a stove, oven, small microwave, and a table with chairs. The kitchen was off to the right as Jim carried me in. We walked through the main room and he set me down in the bedroom on the bed. I had a feeling that we'd be sharing this room for as long as we stayed here, and I shivered at the thought. I still had trouble resisting Jim...and I knew that after a night with him, I wouldn't be able to turn to run away from him again. Matt came in to put down my bag and some of Jim's things before leaving to store some food in the kitchen, shutting the door behind him. I watched warily as Jim walked into the bathroom and then came back out with a wet cloth, a towel, a bucket of water, and some bandages for my head. I wanted to move away from him, but I was afraid...and I knew that my head needed some medical attention, even if it was only something to stop the bleeding.  
  
"Let me see," Jim said so softly, that I thought that maybe James was in front of me...but I wasn't sure. I stayed still as he examined my wound and began to clean it. I winced in pain as he did so, and shut my eyes, concentrating on breathing so I wouldn't pass out. I felt Jim wash the blood away and out of my hair with the cloth and dry it carefully with a clean towel. My head was throbbing, and I couldn't help the tears that fell silently down my face. I finally opened my eyes once Jim was putting on the bandages and it was then that I saw the bucket...the water was red. I shivered and continued to concentrate on my breathing as Jim finished up and took his supplies back into the bathroom. Now that he was gone for a moment, I took this time to look around the bedroom. I was laying back on the bed, my head resting carefully on a pillow, and next to me was a side table with a lamp and a...a phone!? My hopes rose, but seconds later I saw that the cord was cut...the only phone available would be Jim's cell, and there was no way I'd be getting to that. Other than that, there was a dresser facing the bed from the opposite wall. Jim's stuff was put away by Matt in one of the drawers, and I saw my bag sitting on top of it. I wonder what Jim had brought? Gathering my strength, I slowly made my way across the small room on unsteady feet and opened my bag. Inside I found a brush, toothbrush, a pair of jeans, a few T-shirts, and some underwear. That was all. Hearing a noise, I quickly zipped up the bag and walked over to sit down on the end of the bed. Jim came out of the bathroom seconds later and came over to sit down next to me.  
  
"Look...Phoebe," he began as he picked up my hands in his. His touch made me nervous, but as his fingers wrapped firmly around my hands I felt an electric spark as a tingle ran up my arms. No...I couldn't give in...but his touch..."Phoebe, I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean to hurt you...but I just had to get you out of that house. I knew that once out...once you were here with me, you'd come to your senses. That environment was bad for you...cooped up in that house with your sisters. I know you Phoebe...you have a free spirit. You always have." I watched as he massaged my hands with his and entwined his fingers throughout mine. "Please forgive me." He looked at me with those gorgeous sexy eyes, but no words came from my mouth. "Phoebe?"  
  
"Jim...I...It's just..." I took in a deep and slow breath as I reorganized my thoughts and then squeezed his hands. I had to handle this situation very carefully. "Jim...I can't lie and say that I still don't have feelings for you..." I started, and I saw him smile at me.  
  
"I knew it Phoebe, I knew it," he said, reaching over to pull me closer to him, but I quickly held out my hands to stop him and shook my head.  
  
"I do still have feelings for you...but it has to end. Jim...Don't you get it? In these past months since I've known you and been away from you...I've changed. I...I don't want to depend on drugs anymore...and that means I don't want to depend on you either. I...I just want to go home...to my sisters..." I felt tears fall down my cheeks as I said this and caught a surprised and frustrated look in Jim's eyes. Oh God, I hope he doesn't hurt me.  
  
"Phoebe...they still have you brainwashed, don't they?!" he said angrily, and I shook my head in protest. "Yes...well, don't worry. Tonight I'll fix it. I've got a special dose just for you, and after you've had it, you'll be begging to stay with me." I looked at Jim with fear as he got up and left the room. Oh God...  
  
"Phoebe?" Minutes later I was lying back on the bed trying to rest my head when I heard Matt call my name. He had entered the room with a tray of food, and it was then that I realized that I hadn't eaten all day. Still...considering the situation, I actually wasn't very hungry at all. I closed my eyes after he entered and tried to ignore him...but he was more persistent then I would have thought. "C'mon Phoebe, open your eyes. I know you're awake. With a gash like that on your head, I'm sure you're in too much pain to fall asleep anyway." He was right. I was trying to rest my head, but it continued to throb and I wasn't getting any sleep. My best bet would have been to stand up and start walking around...then maybe I'd at least faint into unconsciousness. Giving up, I opened my eyes and allowed Matt to help me sit up. "I'm sorry about your head...but you know you shouldn't make Jim mad." I sighed and looked down at the food Matt had sat on my lap. It was a ham sandwich and some chips, along with a glass of water.  
  
"Thanks," I said, motioning to the food, "But I'm not hungry."  
  
"C'mon, you have to eat. You need to keep your strength up." I stared at the food for a while and then looked up at Matt.  
  
"Matt...Please, can you help me? I have to get out of here...I need to get in touch with my sisters-"  
  
"Wait a minute," he interrupted. "The last time I saw you, you had snuck out of the house and away from your sisters. You hated them! Now you're telling me that you need them? What is wrong with you?"  
  
"Th-things have changed," I said softly as I looked down at my arms. "Do you see these scars?" I asked, holding them up for Matt to see. "I don't want to do this anymore. I want a normal healthy life."  
  
"I'm sorry babe, but you're not getting it. You're with Jim, and that's the way it will stay until he gets tired of you. I can't help you out, or he'll cut me off from the stuff, and I need it to get by. You use to need it too, didn't you? After you get another taste, I'm sure you'll be singing a different tune." I looked at Matt with pleading eyes, but he just patted me on the arms and handed me two Advil. "Take this, you'll feel better," he said, and then he left me. As soon as he was gone I downed the medicine and surveyed the room. All of the windows were boarded up, and any attempt of escape would be heard through the thin walls. I...I was trapped. I considered crying some more, but it was just giving me a headache, so I decided to try and eat. I slowly nibbled on my sandwich and then my thoughts turned to home...I yearned to be in my sisters' arms right now...with them telling me that everything was going to be all right. I'd probably never see them again. I knew that once hooked on Jim's drugs, I wouldn't be able to separate from him. I wasn't strong enough to go through withdraw again...I wouldn't be strong enough to leave him. I sat trying to eat for a while, but I eventually pushed the food away and laid back. The medicine was taking effect, and the pounding in my head was lessening. I wanted out of the world I was in...I wanted to escape. So...I closed my eyes and allowed sleep to overcome me.  
  
"Phoebe?" I heard a far off voice and slowly came to my senses. Where...Oh...I was in an old little house with Jim...I remember. I blinked a few times to wake myself up and then looked over to see that it was Jim who had shaken me awake. The clock said nine...I had been sleeping for a while. "Phoebe, babe, you awake?" he asked, and I watched as he sat down next to me on the bed.  
  
"Yeah..." I whispered and shuddered when he rubbed my back with his firm strong hands. No Phoebe...don't give in...don't...  
  
"C'mon, let me help you up." I allowed Jim to help me into a sitting position and looked at him questionably. "Phoebe...It's time to make you mine again." At his statement I just starred without blinking and made no movement. I had to face reality...there was nothing I could do...So I might as well just give in now. I nodded my defeat and held out my shaking arm. He took it gently and rubbed his fingers over it. It was then that I saw the large needle sitting in his lap. My eyes went wide at the sight of it as my body started to shake uncontrollably. No...no...not again...Tears came to my eyes as he reached for the needle with his right hand and held my arm firmly with his left. Slowly, he brought the cool medal to my skin and...there. The drugs were injected, and he put my arm down gently while waiting for it to take effect. I knew it was over. The familiar feeling nagged at me until I allowed myself to enjoy it, and I slowly gave in to the chemicals.  
  
"Jim..." I said, trying a last attempt at protest, but it was too late.  
  
"Shhh," he said softly, climbing into bed next to me. "Everything is going to be okay now. Just relax...I'm here." I didn't respond as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Babe...Tell me you love me," he said passionately as he started to kiss me along the neck. By that time, I was too far gone to disobey orders. Things were back to the way they were before.  
  
"I...love you," I said softly, and allowed Jim to reacquaint himself with me.  
  
My eyes opened the next morning, only to be welcomed with a massive headache. My vision was blurred somewhat, so I closed them again to clear my head, and then tried to focus on my surroundings. Uhh...I felt somewhat woozy. Looking around, I saw that Jim wasn't in sight, so I made my way to the bathroom. Once there, I shut and locked the door and fell to the ground. What had happened? Looking down, I saw a mark on my arm and remembered that Jim had given me a special dose last night...That explained why I really had no memory of what had happened...Still, I could guess. I groaned, holding my stomach for comfort, and reached over to turn the shower on. I didn't feel well at all...after my body was getting use to life without drugs, this had to happened and put my whole system out of whack again. Very slowly, I stood up from my place on the floor and climbed into the shower. Upon the water hitting my face I yelped in pain and brought my hand up to the side of my head. Oh yeah...I had almost forgotten the gash that Jim and given me the other night. Wincing in pain, I pulled off the bandages and placed a cool washcloth on it before continuing with my shower. I let the warm water wash over me as I breathed deeply...but it didn't work. Seconds later I started to sob and dropped to the shower's floor. I stayed there sobbing as the water rushed over me, just as the hope of a normal life washed over me and down the drain as well. Still sobbing, I managed to get up and clean myself up a bit. When I emerged from the shower I noticed that Jim had laid out some fresh bandages on the counter and that my bag was on the floor. I hadn't noticed them when I came in, but then again my vision hadn't been 100% as I had stumbled into the bathroom earlier. I quickly put on my jeans and a shirt before brushing my teeth and carefully brushing my hair. I had to be extra careful around the gash on my head, for the cut went at least one inch into my hairline. After brushing my hair and putting it into a ponytail I dealt with my cut. By the time I was finished I felt very woozy and my head was throbbing. I slowly unlocked the door and shuffled over to the bed. Sighing with relief, I laid down and closed my eyes. I woke with a jolt when I felt something sliding up and down my back. Rolling over, I saw that it was Jim, rubbing my back to wake me up gently. He was holding a plate of food but just the sight of it made me feel sick. I rolled back over and shut my eyes.  
  
"Hungry?" he asked, and I grunted in reply. "C'mon Phoebe," he insisted, and I rolled back over and slowly sat up. Jim sat down next to me and set the tray of food down in front of us near the end of the bed. I stared at the food, but then looked over at him. Despite the circumstances, I couldn't help noticing how cute he was with his ruffled hair and a slight grin on his face. Is this really the man that I'm running from? The man that I want to leave behind?  
  
"Jim...I can't, I don't feel well," I said as he leaned closer towards me and put his arm around my shoulder.  
  
"You must feel better after last night," he said, smiling at me with mischief, but I ignored him. Still...I couldn't lie to myself. The high that was obtained from that dose of drugs...It was something that my body had been yearning for, ever since rehab. "I was right wasn't I? Do you feel better now?" I still didn't say anything, but eventually turned to face Jim.  
  
"I don't remember most of last night," I started. "But...the high I was on...it was so familiar...and something my body had been wanting for a long time. The thing is...now I don't think I'll ever be able to give it up." I looked sadly at Jim, but he just continued to smile.  
  
"That's good babe. That means you'll never be able to give me up, and I want to stay holding you forever." I sighed as he put his other arm around me and kissed me passionately on the mouth. Yeah...he really was a good kisser. I smiled at this thought, as part of me wanted to believe that I could get use to this lifestyle again. The other part of me...well, all I could think of was Prue, Piper, and the life they had given me. It could have developed to much more...but it was over now. I guess there was no use thinking about things that could never come to be. Closing my eyes, I gave all I had into Jim's kiss and smiled a little when he pulled away. I did feel a little better... "You try to eat and get some rest," Jim told me, and I watched as he got up and left the room. I looked over to see that it was already twelve o'clock, and then looked down at the sandwich in front of me. I did try to eat...Part of me said that I had to keep up my strength if I even had a chance of escaping...The other part had no hope, and didn't really care one way or the other if I ate or starved. An hour later I picked up my half eaten sandwich and opened the bedroom door into the main room. No one was there, so I slowly made my way to the kitchen to throw my food away. Upon entering I saw Matt sitting at the kitchen table with a magazine and a beer. He looked up as I entered and watched as I made my way to the trashcan.  
  
"Finally up?" he asked as he pulled out a chair for me to sit down. I wanted to ignore him, but then thought better of it. I didn't want to make him angry...and he could give me some info that I wanted to know.  
  
"Yeah," I replied as I sat down and took the Advil that he was handing to me. My head was throbbing. We sat in silence for a while, and as I stared at the floor thinking of what to say next I could feel Matt staring at me. "So, Matt..." I said, trying to break the silence. "Where did Jim go?" I looked up at him and he smiled at me.  
  
"He went to take care of some business." Okay...was that all? I needed more info.  
  
"What kind of business?" I asked. "Will he be back soon? I miss him already." I added that last part in for good measure, hoping that Matt would think I was a fully changed woman and that he'd give me more info. I was right.  
  
"Well, we need transportation to New York. This is the house that I use when I'm down here. Numerous associates of Jim have stayed here. It's out of public view and considered a safe house among the men that visit San Francisco. After contacting you I stayed here for a while until I could get safe transportation back to New York. Jim is out now talking with some friends of his trying to pull some strings. We'll be on a plane out of here as soon as we can ." I nodded and took a sip of the beer Matt handed me. What the hell, I could use it. I nodded my thanks and took the rest of the beer into the other room. Matt's blanket and pillow were still on the couch from the other night, so I shoved them aside and sat down as I took another swig of beer. After setting my beer down on the floor I reached over for the TV remote and turned on the little television that was facing the couch. Every station was fuzz...I flipped and flipped and flipped, and nothing came on. Realizing that I had started watching on channel 3, I turned the TV to channel two and smiled when a picture came up, fuzzy, but nonetheless a picture. Turning the volume up a little, I listened to the newscaster.  
  
"In other news, we have a missing persons report. A Miss. Phoebe Halliwell from San Francisco disappeared from her home last night on Prescott Street. The police are asking if anyone knows anything to contact them immediately..." I stared at the screen in shock as a picture of me came up and watched as that police officer from before...Darryl. He was talking about me...my sisters...the search that was being done and the number to call if anyone knew anything...1-800-P-O-L-I-C-E-1...  
  
"Hey!" I looked up and saw Matt charging towards me. I moved out of his way as he grabbed the remote, but he stopped when he looked to the TV. His eyes opened wide as he saw my picture on the news and took in what he was seeing. "Go into the bedroom!" he barked, but I just stared at him, unsure of what was happening. Had they really not expected my sisters to fight to find me? "NOW!" he said sharply, and I quickly got up and ran into the bedroom. At least I knew they were looking for me...my sisters sure didn't waste any time. Still...Even if they did find me, how would my life be? I was already craving more of what Jim had given me last night...could I live without him again? I honestly didn't know. I listened closely by the door and heard Matt pacing around the room with the TV on low so I wouldn't be able to here. He was talking to someone...probably Jim. My mind went through ways to get to a phone and call the police hotline...but then I thought of last night and the drugs going through my system. Was I strong enough to leave? In the end I decided to lay down and get some rest. My head still hurt, but the Advil was starting to kick in and I wanted at least an hour of sleep. So, yet again, I laid down on the bed and fell into a restless slumber.  
  
"Phoebe..." I heard a distant voice as everything began to shake and I slowly opened my eyes. I stared up into the eyes of Jim and I smiled halfheartedly when I saw him. I really just wanted to sleep...to get away from the cravings and the chemicals running throughout me. "Phoebe, babe, wake up," he said, and I awoke fully and sat up.  
  
"What is it?" I asked, and he smiled at me. "C'mon, we're on the move." I just kind of nodded as I looked around and saw Matt gathering up all of our stuff. Jim helped me to my feet and walked me outside. To my surprise, I saw a different van parked out front, but I didn't say anything as Jim put me in the back seat and got in the front. Matt was in the driver's seat two minutes later and I looked out the window as we left the little house.  
  
"Phoebe." I looked over to see that Jim had crawled next to me and had already slid another needle into my arm. I looked at him uneasily, but in a few minutes I started to feel woozy and like my head was up in the clouds. "Lay down and be quiet," Jim told me as he shoved my head down and in response I quickly laid down on the seat. Everything went dark as Jim threw a blanket over me and went back up to sit in the front. I wanted to sit up and protest, but the drugs inside of me made me feel laidback and I decided that it was nice under the blanket. I closed my eyes and watched colors flash before me...blue, black, orange, purple...I almost laughed at them, but decided against making any noise. Instead, I stayed quiet and allowed my body to accept and take pleasure in the drugs that were inside of me.  
  
The next thing I knew the car had stopped and I could hear Matt and Jim talking quietly. Where were we...? What time was it...? I felt confused as I remembered the needle Jim had slid into my arm and then knew that it was all over. Soon I'd be back in New York with Jim...and I wouldn't be able to run away. I sat in silence for a moment, breathing quietly as I tried to listen to what Jim and Matt were saying.  
  
"...But is it safe?" I heard Jim ask.  
  
"Yeah, you two go around back and I'll go check in the front. They didn't mention my name on the TV or show a picture of me. I'll let you two in the back entrance." I listened as Matt got out of the van and Jim started driving it around the back. When it stopped, I decided to speak up.  
  
"Jim...What time is it?" I asked quietly, and I blinked when he pulled the blanket off of me. The lights from the car were blaring next to the darkness coming form outside.  
  
"It's ten o'clock, and we're still in Nevada. We're staying here the night, and I don't want you to make any trouble, do you understand?" He talked to me harshly, but also softly like I was a little kid. I didn't understand how he could do both at once...but then again, maybe it was the drugs making me hear things. I just nodded at him and watched as he took the key out of the ignition and came around the side to get me. I allowed myself to lean up against him for support and we made our way over to the back entrance. two minutes later Matt opened the door and gave Jim the extra key. Then, he propped the door open and went out to the van to get our stuff. Meanwhile, Jim and I made our way up the stairs and to our room on the second floor. We were in a crummy little motel room with two small beds and a little bathroom. That was all I noticed before Jim threw me down onto the bed. "Stay there and don't move," he ordered, and I didn't dare to even lift my head and look around. I could hear Jim rummaging around in the bathroom when Matt came through the door. He shoved my bag at me, and I took this as a sign that I was allowed to at least sit up. I did so, and took in the rest of the little room. There was a small TV across from the beds and on the dresser in between the beds there was a clock and a telephone. At the sight of the phone my tiny ounce of hope soared...but then I realized that even if I could make the phone call without being caught, Jim would find out after he checked out...and then there might not be much left of me even if I was found. I gulped at this thought and looked over when Jim came out of the bathroom. He motioned that I should use it, so I quickly went in with my bag and shut the door. Stupid bathroom...it didn't even have a lock...but I guess it was alright. Wanting to hurry, I turned the shower on right away and jumped in after taking my head bandage off. The cool water refreshed me and helped bring me back to my senses as I tried to shrug off the effects of the drugs Jim had given me earlier this morning. Five minutes later I turned the water off and dried myself. Picking up the comfortable clothes that I had been wearing the night Jim took me, I put them on and then dealt with the gash in my head. It seemed to be healing, but it was still giving me headaches...I just hoped nothing serious was wrong. After brushing my teeth and my hair I felt refreshed. Still...there had to be a way to leave some sort of message for the maid or someone to find. Tearing off a piece of toilet paper, I picked up a pen that was in the trash can and wrote down the police hotline. I wrote my name underneath it and then the words New York and airplane. Feeling confident, I put the paper underneath a bar of soap that I had used and then rewrapped in the motel paper. The maid would go to throw the soap away and see it. I prayed that Jim or Matt wouldn't see my message and then hurried out of the bathroom. Matt was gone and Jim was sitting on a bed with nothing on except his boxers.  
  
"Where'd Matt go?" I asked as I sat down on the bed and Jim immediately pulled me close to him.  
  
"He went to make sure our arrangements are final and to get a few beers," Jim responded, and I nodded.  
  
"What arrangement?" I asked. Jim looked at me as to question if I was trustworthy, so I just smiled at him and he gave in.  
  
"We're flying out of here tomorrow morning back to New York." He smiled as he said this and slowly stroked my hair. Still slightly high on the drugs, I didn't resist. Twenty minutes later Matt returned and I downed a beer before sliding under the covers with Jim. I felt exhausted.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	10. I am Home

Troubled Times Part 10 By: Silverstar  
  
Thanks for those of you who reviewed. I really appreciate it. ^_^ Well, here it is, the last chapter. I hope everyone has enjoyed this story so far, and that you like the ending. I can't believe it's finally over, but it is. Thanks again to those who have reviewed, and I beg you to please review for this chapter, the last one, and tell me what you think of my story as a whole. Thanks!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Charmed!  
  
**********  
  
The next morning Jim woke me up early and the fatigue along with the headache and fuzziness from the drugs that were wearing off made it hard to get up. Jim helped me up and I quickly changed before we all dashed to the car. Matt had only paid for one night, and we had a plane to catch. Like before, Jim made me lay down in the back, but I didn't mind since my head hurt so much. I just wanted to sleep. About an hour later I woke up to Jim shoving his jacket on me and putting a baseball hat on my head.  
  
"Keep it on low," he instructed as he shoved my free hair under the back of my shirt. We were at the airport. I wasn't sure how Jim expected us to get through security with me all over the news, but I was too out of it to really care. I just wanted to lye down and sleep. After parking the van in a random parking lot, Matt grabbed all three of the bags that we had and Jim ushered me out the door. On the way to the airport we climbed onto a transport bus and we sat down in three seats near the back. I wanted to scream out for help...but my head hurt too much, and Jim's strong grip on my wrist prevented me from doing so. One word, and I know he'd snap it in half. At the airport we quickly got off the bus and made our way down one of the numerous long hallways and to the...Starbucks? I looked at my escorts with questioning eyes as we sat down at a table, but didn't say anything. I looked around a little, but after a glance at Jim I lowered my head back down. He was giving me a death stare...I guess he didn't want anyone to see me so that I wouldn't be recognized. Ten minutes later a man dressed in an airline uniform came over to our table and sat down.  
  
"Ready?" the man with the gruff voice asked. Jim and Matt nodded and we silently got up and followed him down some hallways and towards a plane. The walking made me dizzy and I lagged behind while the men walked faster. Stopping for a moment, I took a deep breath and tried to brush off my headache and dizziness, but it was no use. Seconds later Jim's hands were firmly gripping my shoulders as he pushed me forward.  
  
"I don't feel well..." I whispered in Jim's ear as we moved forward...Oh, my legs felt like Jell-O.  
  
"Just hold on a little longer," he whispered back. "You can rest on the plane." I nodded, feeling to sick to say anything, and let Jim lead me forward. Five minutes later we stopped outside a gate and I watched as our new friend went up to the guy standing in front checking passports and tickets. A minute later he left and our friend was now in charge. Jim led me forward behind Matt, who gave the guy our tickets and passports. Of course, I didn't have a passport...So all three were probably fake. Everything was blurry as Jim led me onto the plane and sat me down at the window. After pulling the window shade down he sat down next to me while Matt stored our bags and got situated in the aisle seat. "You can rest now baby," Jim said softly to me, and I was so sick that I allowed my head to fall onto his shoulder as my eyes closed.  
  
"EVERYONE! STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" My eyes popped open at the sound of someone yelling and I looked up at Jim. He looked...scared.  
  
"Jim...What's going on?" I asked in a whisper, and he shushed me. I looked up to see two policemen and that inspector...it was that guy Darryl! As soon as Jim saw me looking around he pulled my head back down so that my face wasn't visible. I listened as Darryl went past us to go talk to the pilot and was surprised when Jim pulled me up.  
  
"Hold it!" a police officer said to us as Jim shoved a barf bag in my face and pulled me down the aisle.  
  
"My friend feels really sick," I heard Jim say, and in a minute we were in the bathroom.  
  
"Jim..." I whispered, hoping that he'd do nothing stupid, but he shushed me again and we listened.  
  
"Okay, we're looking for a Phoebe Halliwell..." I heard Darryl say as he walked down the plane's aisle. "We have reason to believe that she is on this flight, so I need an ID from everyone aboard."  
  
"Get ready to run," Jim whispered sharply to me, and in a second he had looked outside the bathroom and then shoved me out and towards the exit. We ran down the steps and I tried to keep up as he pulled me by the hand behind him.  
  
"Hey! Inspector! Two people just ran off the plane!" I heard someone shout behind us, but Jim was pulling me so fast that I had to concentrate on my feet...and my stomach. I didn't want to get sick in front of the whole airport. I gasped for air as Jim shoved me quickly into a crowd and then into the empty bathroom beyond. I fell hard and winced as my head hit the floor, tearing the bandage on my head as the gash started to bleed again. Jim was pulling me into the storage closet that was inside, which normally held toilet paper, mops, and the such. He squeezed in beside me and then shut the door.  
  
"Hey...babe...Phoebe..." he said softly, and I attempted to focus my eyes on him...very blurry...a very fuzzy Jim. "Here hun, take this." I couldn't do anything as Jim slid some hidden needle into my arm and then another into his. "If I can't be with you I don't want to be with anyone...and I don't want you to be with anyone else either...." I heard distant voices as my eyes slowly shut, but I couldn't make anything else out. Still...I felt relieved as my mind slid into unconsciousness and I drifted away from all of the pain.  
  
I heard beeps and clangs...I felt like I was moving...Opening my eyes, I looked up at a hazy room...Uhh...Nothing made sense.  
  
"Phoebe...Phoebe..." Someone was calling my name...who...who...I tried to focus, but just moaned in pain as my head started to pound. I felt so sick... "Phoebe...can you hear me? It's Prue." My eyes had already shut, not that I could see with them open anyways, but at the sound of Prue's name I felt relief swarm over me.  
  
"P...Prue...?" I tried to whisper, although I didn't accomplish anything more than mouthing her name silently. Suddenly, I felt someone squeezing my hand and my mind was put at ease for a second before I fell into unconsciousness yet again.  
  
~~~  
  
Footsteps...behind me...Very slowly, I turned around to see Jim standing there...no, it wasn't Jim...It couldn't be...  
  
"Phoebe...my love..." He moved towards me, but as he took a step forwards, I took one backwards.  
  
"No...Stay away from me...I..." My eyes widened as he jumped forward and placed his lips on mine. So warm...so inviting. I gave in to the kiss and savored the moments when Jim's lips were on mine, lingering above with his sweet soft touch.  
  
"No...WAIT!" I yelled, jumping away from him and turning to run. But Jim was quick, and his arms wrapped around me from behind, pulling me down so that I couldn't escape. I saw the ravenous look in his eyes, and knew that the sweet touch of his lips was misleading. Jim had never been sweet and good...he had always been a bastard...I had to fight him...  
  
"Phoebe, don't even try it," Jim whispered, combing his hands through my hair. "You couldn't fight me even if you wanted to." No...I couldn't, could I?  
  
"Phoebe..." Huh? Who was that... "Phoebe..." What...Someone...someone was calling me?  
  
"Phoebe...Everything's going to be fine. Please...please just come back to us..."  
  
"Prue?" I asked, staring up at the sky. Yes...I decided. I could fight on...I could live...Smiling to myself, I closed my eyes as I felt Jim disappear behind me and everything went black.  
  
~~~  
  
Beep...Beep...Beep...Uh...a very familiar noise...a noise that I didn't like. My mind cleared as the soft beeping from the equipment surrounding me reached my ears. Panic overtook me for a moment before I could take a deep breath and calm myself down. The noise around me indicated a hospital...I hated hospitals...but... A hospital meant that I was getting treated...that I was safe...safe away from Jim. Realizing this, I quickly opened my eyes to see where I was exactly. As light hit my pupils I groaned in pain, lifting my right arm to shield myself from it. I immediately felt the headache that I had suppressed and silently cursed the glaring light.  
  
"Phoebe?" What...what was that...? "Phoebe...Are you awake?" Slowly lowering my arm, I squinted my eyes open to see that Prue had been sleeping in the chair next to my bed. "Phoebe?" she said again, relief and happiness evident in her voice as she grabbed my hands in hers and stared into my eyes.  
  
"Prue...?" I whispered, relief sinking into me as well when I saw her. I couldn't believe it. I...I was out of that hell whole...I was back with my sisters.  
  
"Phoebe," she sobbed happily, reaching over and enveloping me in a huge hug. Emotions rising within me, I cried too as I wrapped my arms around her and she held me. We sat there like that for a long time before Prue finally pulled away. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Here I am crying all over you when you're still sick. Tell me, how do you feel? I should call the doctor..." She got up to leave the room, but panic overcame me so suddenly that I cried out.  
  
"No! Don't leave!" I said as loudly as I could, and Prue turned right back around towards me.  
  
"What is it?" she asked gently, and I let her wrap her hand around mine.  
  
"Don't leave..." I whispered, and she just nodded. Getting up, she leaned over and hit the nurse-call button. Minutes later I saw Jamie walk through the door, and I almost started crying again. She had helped me get well before...I was sure to be home soon. She seemed to jump when she saw that my eyes were open and then a smile spread across her face.  
  
"Phoebe...Oh, God..." was all I heard from her before she covered her mouth with both of her hands and looked at Prue. Prue just nodded at her, and then she ran out, calling for the doctor.  
  
"Prue...what was she..." I was slightly confused by how Jamie had acted...so surprised to see me awake...But everything started to get hazy again, and I slowly let my eyelids droop. "Prue..." I felt her hand squeeze mine and I gripped back onto her.  
  
"It's all right Phoebe...You rest. I'll explain later." I accepted Prue's statement before I fully shut my eyes and fell back into a peaceful sleep.  
  
I awoke later at the sound of voices talking quietly around me. Slowly opening my eyes, I looked up to see Prue talking with Doctor Scott, and Jamie was standing nearby listening. It seems I had only been out for a 1/2 hour or so...uh, my head felt horrible...what was wrong with me? Noticing my movement, Jamie, pulled on Doctor Scott's sleeve, and all three turned towards me. Prue immediately rushed to my side and Doctor Scott was not far behind.  
  
"Phoebe," Prue said, almost like she was still convincing herself that I was awake. I looked up at her and gave her a small smile before my head started pounding again. I barely noticed when the doctor ushered Jamie and Prue out of the room...but by the time I looked up I was alone with her. As soon as they were gone she started examining me.  
  
"Phoebe, how do you feel?" she asked as she wrote down something on her clipboard.  
  
"Confused," I answered. "And my head hurts." She nodded, and then pulled up the chair Prue had been occupying and sat down.  
  
"Well, that's understandable."  
  
"Tell me...What happened?" I asked.  
  
"Well, you were brought into the hospital five days ago." she began.  
  
"Wait," I said interrupting her. "How did I...How did I get here?" Doctor Scott looked at me for a moment before continuing.  
  
"Well, the police found you at an airport in Nevada. Do you remember?" I tried to recall what had happened...but the last thing I remembered was the needle.  
  
"It's...It's a little hazy," I said softly, and she nodded at me.  
  
"That's all right. It's understandable." I just looked at her with confusion again, and then she continued. "You were unconscious when the police found you in one of the airport's bathroom closets, or so they tell me." I nodded and listened as she continued. "On the way to the hospital nearest to that airport your body had an almost fatal reaction with the drugs, and you went into a coma."  
  
"A...coma...?" I asked, and she nodded.  
  
"Your sisters insisted that they wanted you transferred here, so three days ago you were moved and put back under my care."  
  
"Th...Thank you," I said, looking up at my doctor and smiling. "I owe you a lot." She smiled at me for a moment before getting back up and fidgeting with the equipment surrounding me.  
  
"When you were found you had a nasty gash on your forehead," she said, and I reached up to feel the bandages over my throbbing head. "You were given stitches and you do have a concussion, but nothing more serious than that. Your head may hurt, but it's because of that, and the fact that your mind is still healing from the coma you were in." I nodded that I understood and watched as my doctor wrote down some more things from the machinery and headed for the door. "I'll send your sister back in ..And Phoebe? You're going to be all right." I smiled to myself as she left and closed my eyes in relief. I was going to be fine. Still...something still nagged at me in the back of my head. What about...what about Jim? What had happened to him? Doctor Scott hadn't said anything about him. Fear suddenly welled up inside of me at the thought that he could be anywhere...What if he came back for me? As my mind started racing I heard the door open and looked over to see that Prue had walked in. Tears threatened to overflow from my eyes when I saw her, for fear and for relief. I watched as she slowly walked up to my bed and sat down next to me.  
  
"How are you honey," my sister asked, taking her hand and placing it gently on my cheek.  
  
"I'm...okay," I whispered, and shut my eyes, still trying to convince myself that I wasn't dreaming. "It's just..."  
  
"What is it?" A voice said from the doorway. Opening my eyes, I looked over to see Piper standing just inside the doorframe. Prue must have called her.  
  
"Piper..." I whispered, and tears fell down my face again as she rushed towards me and took me into her arms. I couldn't believe it...Oh, I just couldn't believe that I was back with my sisters. Seconds later Prue joined in on the hug and we sat like that for a long time...a long time. Finally, my sisters drew back and I was able to dry my eyes and calm down. Being with them made me realize how much I needed them...There was a time in my life when I had pushed them away...But no, I don't think I could go on without them. If it wasn't for them, then Jim....Jim...Drawing a deep breath, my mind went into panic mode again as I thought of him.  
  
"What is it Phoebs?" Piper asked again, and I looked from her to Prue, and then back to her again.  
  
"Um...I understand how I got here and everything that happened, but...no one has spoken a word to me about...well...What about Jim?" I asked, whispering his name, fearing if I said it any louder that he'd hear me and appear. Prue and Piper's worried faces softened at this question, and they climbed onto the bed to sit on either side of me, each holding one of my hands.  
  
"He's gone Phoebe," Prue said gently. "You won't have to worry about him anymore."  
  
"The doctors tried to save him," Piper continued. "But he died from overdose." I sat silent for a moment upon hearing these words and let the information sink in. Jim was dead...gone...A part of me...the part that had trouble letting go of the love I once had for Jim...that part of me was saddened. The majority of my head...and my heart...Well, the majority felt great relief and gladness. I would be free from him at last and I would now have a chance to get on with my life...a life with my sisters. My face remained blank as I went through these emotions, and when I looked up I could see that Prue and Piper were waiting for a reaction from me.  
  
"It's all right," I finally said to them, squeezing their hands with mine. "It's for the best for everyone. Now maybe both of us will be able to find peace." Prue and Piper both smiled gently at these words, and then came in for another hug. I just laughed and hugged them both right back.  
  
"You know we love you," Prue said.  
  
"Very much," Piper added, and I smiled.  
  
"Yeah," I told them. "I love you guys too. And...I want to thank you for everything."  
  
"No need," Prue responded as I snuggled down under my covers and closed my eyes. My head still hurt slightly, and I felt exhausted.  
  
"Sorry..."I said, opening my eyes to look up at them. "I'm just...so tired."  
  
"Don't apologize, you've been through a lot," Piper said, pulling another blanket up to tuck me in. "Get some rest." At hearing these words, I slowly closed my eyes and let my mind rest.  
  
The next morning I awoke to see both Piper and Prue sitting at a table in my room eating breakfast, smiling and laughing softly. After shaking my head a few times to clear my mind, I sat up and watched them. A minute later Piper looked over and jumped to her feet when she saw me up.  
  
"Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry! Did we wake you?" she asked, concern evident in her voice.  
  
"No, it's okay," I told her as she and Prue came to my side. "Why aren't you two at work?" I then questioned. They just smiled, sitting down next to me on the bed.  
  
"We wanted to be here with you," Prue explained, and I accepted this information. A minute passed before I saw Prue reach up and push the nurse- call button. "Jamie wanted me to call her when you were up," she said to me, and I nodded. We then sat in silence, but I didn't care. My mind felt at ease when my sisters were in the room, and their faces and voices calmed me. Five minutes later I heard a noise, and looked over to see that Jamie had come through the door.  
  
"Phoebe!" she exclaimed happily, and I smiled at her happiness. "How are you? Do you feel all right? Ready for some breakfast?"  
  
"Yeah," I told her as she came over to check on me and my sisters moved out of her way. "I feel okay, except my head still hurts a little. And yeah...I think I could eat a little."  
  
"That's good," Jamie continued. "Because I want you to make a fast recovery so you can go home and rest. Most people do get healthier once their allowed to return home, you know." I nodded at her, and had to laugh inside at her ramblings as I smiled. She seemed so happy to see me awake and willing to eat! After checking my pulse and a few readings from the equipment around me Jamie left, returning a minute later with a tray of food. Then, with a full smile, she nodded at my sisters and left. They all seemed so happy to have we awake and eating...on the road towards recovery. I hope I hadn't caused them too much worry. Brushing this thought off for later, I brought my attention to my breakfast and began to eat.  
  
A few days passed, but every time I opened my eyes one of my sisters was always there. They weren't letting me out of their sight, and I was glad for it. It was a week after I had woken from my coma when Doctor Scott came in with good news.  
  
"Well Phoebe," she said with a smile. "If you're ready, I'm able to release you today at the earliest. I've already told your sisters," she added, nodding at Prue, "And they're ready to do the paperwork and take you home with them. Are you feeling good enough to leave?" I just smiled at the doctor and nodded.  
  
"I feel fine, except for the headaches I get sometimes," I said. They had taken the stitches out of my head a few days earlier and told me I was healing nicely.  
  
"Well, that's normal. We've tested your blood and checked you, and everything seems to be fine. I have prescribed some medicine for your headaches though that you can take for two weeks. After that, if it's still bothering you, then you should come back in for a check-up." I nodded as the doctor handed Prue my prescription and smiled at me. "I hope I won't be seeing you any time soon, at least not in the hospital."  
  
"Thank you," I said as she nodded and walked towards the door.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," I heard Piper say as she came bouncing through the door and almost ran into my doctor.  
  
"That's all right," Doctor Scott insisted. "Goodbye Piper, take care."  
  
"You too," Piper chirped before the doctor left and both of my sisters came over towards me. "So, are you ready?" Piper asked in a cheerful voice, and I nodded.  
  
"Okay, I'm going to go fill out some of the paperwork," Prue said, and with that she left, leaving Piper and me alone.  
  
"Here Phoebe," Piper said as I got out of bed. "I brought you some clothes."  
  
"Thanks," I said as I took the bag from Piper and walked into the bathroom to change. To change...wow, I've changed so much. As I put on a pair of jeans and pulled a sweater over my head I looked into the mirror. Yes...that was me in there. But...I was different. I looked...stronger...and healthier. I was the same...but different. And, I liked the changes. I was proud of who I had changed into and what I was about to become. Smiling at this thought, I nodded at myself in the mirror and opened the door to the main room where Piper was waiting.  
  
"You look great," she told me as I walked up to give her a hug.  
  
"Thanks," I said, and I let her take my hand and lead me out of the hospital room. We found Prue in a waiting room down the hall filling out the last of some forms for my release, and five minutes later we were walking out of the hospital, side be side with my sisters' arms linked through mine. The ride back to the Manner was silent, except for Piper humming softly to herself. They had put me in the front seat next to Prue, and Piper had gladly climbed in the back. When we pulled up the driveway in front of our house Piper quickly jumped out and opened the door for me. Prue and I laughed at her, but she just smiled as she grabbed my bag from me and led me into the house. Everything was as I had left it, and at seeing this I felt a sense of warmth and comfort. I watched as Piper went upstairs to put my bag in my room, and Prue led me over to the couch. I sat down next to her and took a deep breath. I was home...I was welcome...and...I was loved. It felt great.  
  
"Phoebe..." I looked over at Prue and saw a look in her eyes...but I couldn't quite make out what it was. "Phoebe...we really thought we had lost you...after you had come back to us and we had made you a part of this family again, and...And I couldn't handle it. When...when Darryl called us with news from some motel in Nevada...I was so glad. So very glad." I watched as Prue wiped her eyes and I placed my hand on her shoulder.  
  
"You mean the maid at that motel got my note?" I asked, and she nodded. "Oh, God, I was so scared...I left that in desperation, not really expecting anyone to find it." Prue just smiled at me as Piper came into the room and sat down with us on the couch.  
  
"No Phoebs, it was that note that saved you, " Piper said, and I looked over at her. "And...it saved us too, because we would have fallen apart without you here."  
  
"Piper..." I whispered, and I gave her a hug as a tear fell down her cheek.  
  
"Oh Prue, now you have me crying," Piper said, playfully swatting at my big sister and I laughed along with Prue.  
  
"You guys...please don't cry for me," I whispered. "Can we...just try to go back to the way things were before?" Both of my sisters nodded after I said this and Piper immediately stood up and walked towards the kitchen.  
  
"I'm going to make some lunch," she called over her shoulder, and then she was gone.  
  
"I'm going to go upstairs and freshen up," I told Prue, and I slowly got to my feet and made my way up to my room. As I walked through the door I stopped in mid step and looked around. It looked like my sisters had cleaned things up...but as I looked around, everything came back.  
  
"This is where my tea fell," I whispered, bending down and touching the spot where there was a faint stain on my rug. "This was where he took me," I whispered, going over and slowly sitting down on my bed. "But...this is where I am. And I am home." Smiling at these words, I got up from my bed and went into the bathroom to clean myself up before lunch. He may have taken me, but I was back now, and I sure would put up a hell of a fight before ever leaving again.  
  
THE END  
  
So? How was it?! ^__^ 


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